Monday, January 10, 2011

It weighs heavily on my heart

I feel something weighing on my heart. It's tugging at the few bits of logic remaining in my head and seems to be kicking me recently. With all these changes and I feel there are more trying to start, I feel as if God is knocking on my head once again, you know, like in those movies where they knock on their head and it sounds like an empty piece of wood? Yeah, that's what it is like right now.

I don't really want to, nor do I think I can talk about it right now. I will say this to clear up any panic attacks awaiting, I'm not planning on moving anywhere new or changing my living situation. lol. I just have an issue that is running circles in my mind and tugging at my heart, tugging at my brain and really making me think.

I don't know of it's possible, I don't know how long it would take but I feel myself leaning into the decision, and yet as I start leaning, other things are being knocked loose upstairs and changes my thought pattern so it makes me wonder if I'm really ready to move towards this decision or not, could it be my indecisiveness, my impatience, or the fact I haven't really prepared to think this all out.

Just to be clear once more....I'm still gay, I'm not moving, and I am not planning world domination at this point in time.


1 comment:

  1. Clearly you and Agnes are running away together. I knew I sensed something in the air last night when you two got all hootchie coo on the sofa.