Thursday, May 28, 2009

A few realizations

You can read about my recent vacation here. I was hoping in that some fantasy land I would fall in love with a guy at camp and have a tearful good bye at the end of the weekend but be changed forever. Yeah, so did not happen lol. But I did realize that my future partner better enjoy camping because I want to camp more and more in the future when I'm more financially stable and have a job that allows me time to camp etc... I would really enjoy camping with someone rather than by myself all the time. I could really imagine making a life of it, I'm not so sure about the hot summer months, but I'm sure I could deal with it.

I did realize though the problems with communal camping this vacation though. Two families had combined their sites and shared the meals and such and by the last night all hell had broken loose and created quite an uncomfortable situation. I of course just blew it off an enjoyed the company of the people not involved, but watching the wife degrade the husband repeatedly in front of their children and in front of their friends, I wondered, why is that necessary?

Why do couples feel the only way to fight is to degrade one another in front of people who aren't involved, all that seems to do is create a long list of future problems and self esteem issues. Did it make her feel better to tell their kids that their father was a worthless a**hole? I hope it did because it sure didn't make the kids feel any better. I often wonder why people can't fight without really punching below the belt. Growing up my parents fought, they wouldn't be human if they didn't, but there were no screaming matches in front of us and there was no tearing one another down. If we asked what the problem was the worst answer we got was "your father has an attitude today and needs some quiet time" or vise versa. What kid can't relate to that?

I hope I'm never in a relationship where it's a constant tear one another down type. My aunt and uncle have a similar relationship, but it's more about picking on one another. When the anger kicks in there is no tearing one another down, it's just clean fighting about the situation. People that hear them talk about one another would think they hate each other, but they love each other so much it's sick! My parents never tear one another down unless it's in jest, and then it's obvious it's being said to spark a laugh or some kind of reaction from the other. I enjoy that kind of banter and hope someday I can find that.

The group of us heard things that we shouldn't have heard that night and we're all just stuck there trying to not be noticed. It was really the only awkward part of the trip. The three of us camping on the site a couple down from the family decided we wanted to buy a camp ground because it would be so much fun. K & M are both from a small town but have lived most of their adult lives in a bigger city, they are so open minded and so much fun to hang out with. It was such a nice change of pace from the small minded racist and bigoted conversations I hear all day around here. I just really enjoy it and hope for a future filled with it.

The sale of my business has had no news and it's bother some. I have my heart and my eyes focused so much on the future and with every week that nothing is happening the further and further it feels the future is slipping from my hands and it's sad. It gets to a point where I start to have a hard time imaging the future anymore and it gets me down. I try to keep reminding myself that God is taking care of me and will continue until the time is right for me to move on, but it's so frustrating just waiting for it to happen.

Well anyway, that's about all for this blog, saw lots of cuties at the camp grounds but nothing happened so no news. A few of us are talking about going to Louisville at the end of July to see the finals for the National Entertainer of the Year competition that our friend is competing in and it sounds like a ton of fun, but we're waiting to see how much the costs are going to come in at because it could be pricier than we're thinking and may put a damper in that plan.

Oh well, enough for today. See ya!


So this past Memorial Day weekend I finally got away on vacation. I had lined up a couple different people to work on Saturday but they all fell through so I decided I wasn't going to sit around waiting for customers all day while my vacation was being wasted, so I just up and closed the store for the weekend, it was a very wise choice.

So Saturday morning I woke up early and got all of my gear around, snacks, camping supplies etc.. and loaded my truck up and took off for East Harbor Bay State Park near Marblehead Ohio up on Lake Erie, it was fantastic!! The drive was dull, but it was such a beautiful day I was so happy to be a part of it finally.

I arrived at the park and got my gear unloaded and set up "Mohring Manor" I have a giant tent that's way bigger than 1 person needs, but I like it and it's all mine. :) Here's a picture of a similar tent, mine has two wings of space on the sides, but it's pretty close.So anyway after I got all set up I sat around with Keelie and Matt and caught up on stuff since I had not seen them since their wedding late last fall. Keelie was my sister's roommate when she lived in Columbus and after visiting many, many times I became friends with her and her boyfriend at the time, now her husband and we became camping buddies. I had only been out camping with them once before about three years ago, but we had such a great time!

Later on we headed out to the beach, the beach is amazing, I couldn't believe Ohio had a place like this!The picture is of Matt playing a little football with his cousin Justin. We camp with Matt's cousin's each time we've camped, they are a riot and are so generous and heartfelt people....and hysterical! So we spent most of the rest of the afternoon on the beach. The beach is a natural sand bar, the water is waist deep for about a mile out from the beach, it was just awesome! The water was a bit cold yet, but I got used to it pretty quickly. The land in the backgound of the picture is Kelly's Island, another place I'll be visiting sometime this summer as soon as we get some dates cleared up.

After the beach we spent sometime in the screen porch of my tent because our camping site had no shade, but the tent provided plenty of room for us to relax, read and talk. We went down to Matt's cousin's sites and helped prepare dinner. We had marinated chicken breast, hobo potatoes (sliced potatoes with cheese, onion and season salt), and Squash and Zuchini all cooked on the campfire. The chicken came out the best I have ever had!! So tender it melted in your mouth!!

After dinner we all relaxed with adult beverages around the campfire and hilarity persisted. Sometime around 2:30am I think I made an embaressingly hilarious fall that still has me bruised today, but I survived. It was then that I realized I had over done it and had to stop. I stuck around a little longer and had a good time but ultimately headed back to our campsite and hit the sack.

On Sunday we had a big breakfast that Keelie did a killer job preparing and waited for my sister to arrive. My sister does not believe in sleeping outside, she says he goes against everything she stands for, but enjoy the atmosphere so decided to come up for the day. Upon her arrival we headed out for a day on the town. We went to Cheesehaven and fell in love with 125 different kinds of cheeses! I was in heaven. We did a little shopping at a local market and headed back to spend more time on the beach. The beach was much windier and colder than the day before so we just walked the beach, not venturing in at all. Holly and Keelie did their 80's movie beach jog to say they did it and it was hilarious. We also came across a great "Fail" for

The sign says "Caution-No lifegaurd-swim at your risk" We laughed and laughed. We also caught the glimpse of the "fish-whisperer" a woman that caught a fish with her bare hands right in front of us! The life gaurds were busy taping her while we were laughing at the obvious.

Anyway we headed back and enjoyed some awesome hamburgers that Matt grilled up and spent the evening with his cousin's again and enjoyed an earlier night of smores. We were all so tired from the day we all ended up crashing by midnight. lol.

Monday was depressing because we had to pack up our stuff, tear down camp and head out after an awesome weekend. Not wanting to rush home I headed a little east and ended up at Marblehead Lighthouse and enjoyed some awesome views of the Lake including Cedar Point from the opposite side of the water than I usually am. I remember one of the first times I was up on the needle during one of my first trips to Cedar Point and remember seeing this lighthouse thinking that someday I would figure out where that was and go there, and well, I finally did. lol.

I finally made it home to work on my brother's house for the rest of the day and came home and crashed late. I could use another vacation from vacation so I could just sleep for an entire day, but I know that's not going to happen.

On a side bar about this evening, I was in the restroom after work here in my house and taking out my contacts and such when I saw a VERY large mouse start to run across the doorway in the hallway. I like to think of myself as a "mans man" but I squeeled like a little girl. I hate vermin. He ran back into the laundry room and I baracaded the room with slipper glass so he can't get out. I found my last box of Decon and dropped it in the room and now I'm afraid I won't be able to sleep tonight, thinking of that thing running around my building. Tomorrow I'm sending my father out to buy as many traps and boxes of Decon as he can, I'm not into murder, but when it comes to this thing, it needs to die. I hate this feeling.

Anyway, that's all for now!!

Friday, May 22, 2009

A common question lately.

There have been a few comments left and a few comments made to me in person about the evolution of my relationship with S, trusting issues and such and I thought it was time I started answering or at least get into it myself once too. S and I are not romantically involved just to clear the air, I once wished it and sometimes I think I would want it, but it's not going to happen. It's taken S and I a good 15 years to build this relationship and I wouldn't do much of anything to ruin it. This brings out some jealousy sometimes in some of my friends because not everyone likes S.

There are many things people don't understand about S and things people don't understand about me in regards to how I can stick up for him and befriend him the way I have. That was not always the case, but I was a different person then.

The issues of trust that came up late last year had nothing to do with me being gay, they had everything to do with a picture I had in my possession that was shared and created a very awkward situation, but it was all for the best, this I'm sure of. But it did bring feelings of distrust with S and a few weeks ago we had a party and at the end of the night we discussed my trust issues with him.

A few years ago we created a "circle of trust" with a couple of other friends, where things said to one another never left the circle, a place where we didn't feel the need to be judged, a safe place to share things with other people. The 4 of us haven't spent a lot of time together in the recent year so when we finally got together we started to share. We took turns trying to guess secrets and my secret I wasn't going to share, I wasn't ready to for other reasons, I though S would know that and keep it quiet. Well in our guessing, he shared my secret with the group. One of them was too drunk and has no idea to this day what happened that night, but it exploded from there. I was very angry, but knew I shouldn't be because of the things everyone else has shared, he shared the information with the group because like he said "that's why the group is there", and he's right, it's just taken me a week or so to remember that.

To S sleeping with guys is just sex, he does it quite a bit and sees nothing wrong with it as long as it's just sex. I told him to him it's just sex because he's been burned in the past. He has had two loving relationships that ended badly with men, and never had any experience with women. Me on the other hand has had one loving relationship and one struggling relationship with women but knew it wasn't right. He's lived what felt right but was afraid of society, I followed society and knew it wasn't right. Two opposite opinions trying to see the other side. The problem is we can't see the other sides as well as the other so we argue about it.

He says I'm just looking for sex, and while that may be partially true, I'm looking more for the loving relationship and he doesn't see it that way. He says repeatedly that two men should not be together, we're not made for lasting relationships and I tell him all the time he's wrong, but I haven't been burnt the way he has. His upbringing is a constant battle as well and I'm not sure he'll ever let go of it and it will continue to cause him pain. My continuing friendship with his first is a constant memory of the pain and I'm sorry about it, but he's still a good friend.

Basically the situation is pretty messy, I still trust him and the more we talk about it, the easier it is to talk about without drinking. We trust each other, it may not always seem like it but we do. I love that he's letting me deeper into his other life and I'm glad I can finally share with him things from my "other" life as well. It's a long journey, but friendships always are.

This probably makes no sense and that's probably because my mind is heading into vacation mode, so I'm sorry in advance. S and I's relationship is hard to put into words because we never do.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

I do appologize.

What am I apologizing for you may wonder, well I went out last night and had tons of things to talk about, tons of things I wanted to write about from the evening, but halfway through the night I had convinced myself that I couldn't blog about it because my readers may not like the things I say, or tell me how awful I am, and how they can't believe they ever made friends with such a person. This is probably true in many of my circles of friends, but if I have a great night and I can't talk about it with the people I love, why oh why would I want to continue the friendship?

On my way home last night I realized that no one has ever given me a reason to think like this, perhaps it is myself still trying to hide behind imaginary conversations and imaginary people judging me from afar, maybe it's me dealing with how I was raised and realizing it was perhaps not quite open minded enough to fully enjoy life. None of you have ever given me a reason to think these things, so why have I put you in this judgmental box? So I let you all out of it and decided I wanted to talk about last night. I realize there are bits and pieces of me that may not always be perfect, much of my personality I hide from most people because I'm afraid of how they will react, it stays in the closet with me most times.

So last night we went to a bar in T-town called Ceaser's. It's a local gay bar, but it's a show bar, a place for drag queens to perform. Last night we attended a pageant for 8 divas all competing for a state title for entertainer of the year. Yes I enjoy watching drag shows, maybe not every weekend, but I find their enthusiasm and energy refreshing. To have the courage to be who you are, up on stage and being judged is just so awesome for me. S is convinced he's making a drag queen out of me, but these legs in heels? I don't think so. ;) I went with S and J, S knows that I'm gay, but J does not yet. I haven't told her, nor did I tell her because it just hasn't been the time yet, a few more drinks and I probably would have told her, but oh well.

So our friend M, Miss Rebecca Sinclair was competing and I had yet to make it to one of his performances. The place was amazing, not so much the bar but the atmosphere, I felt very comfortable there. When we walked in it wasn't filled with tiny twinks like I had expected, but instead groups of natural people, many were very beautiful, and the rest were comfortable, I just loved the way it felt. I have never officially been to a gay bar, I've been to a straight bar on drag night, but never a "gay" bar, I can't really say I want that to be my last time, but that's another story.

The shows were great, the company was great and there was SOOOOO much eye candy. One of the entertainers of the year was Skylar Styles a beautiful man with tons of energy and lots of moves. I couldn't take my eyes off of him, and by the end of his routine he was in a G-string, which I don't think most people expected, but I was happy to see. This man makes so many parts of my body go pitter patter. lol. He had the moves, he had the energy and he had his performance down to a T. He really was a fantastic entertainer, and VERY easy on my eyes. Here's a link to a youtube video you can see a competition performance:

Another thing I wanted to talk about was Cory, our waiter, another fine piece of eye candy with such a gentle and beautiful personality...........and a very nice butt. S and I are both good tippers anyway, but the way Cory was taking care of it, I was tipping very well, money I didn't really have, but I was happy to give it to him just to see him smile and have him touch my arm again, he was delicious. Well tipping him well meant he paid us a lot of attention, always smiling and laughing with us and since I was sitting by the aisle he would place his hand on my back and lean into the table, his touch was wonderful! Well towards the end of the night he was standing behind me trying to get through and his tray just kind of bumped the back of my head ever so slightly and he placed his arm around me and placed his hand on my chest and leaned in behind me and talked right next to my ear how sorry he was. I grabbed his hand that was on my chest and turned my head slightly and told him he could bump into me anytime he wanted. I hadn't even had that much to drink but it was actual flirting, it felt so good. He gave me a quick peck on the cheek and said I was just "too much" lol. I felt like a kid, he gave me goose bumps.

So at the end of the night we were headed out and he was headed back around towards our table and saw we were leaving and thanked S and I for our generosity and hoped we had a great time and leaned in to hug us. While I was getting my hug I told him if I was a hundred pounds lighter I would be asking him to come home with me, he got up next to my ear again and said I don't give myself enough credit and if he didn't have someone at home waiting for him he might just go with me. I nearly died. Now I do realize that he probably said this because he just made a ton of money off of us through the 4 hours we were there and that probably made his night so he thought he would encourage the fantasy of a fat man, but there was something I felt that was genuine about that, it could have been the beer, but he did make me feel better, so I guess it doesn't matter, it worked. As he shook his butt back up to the bar I couldn't help but follow him with my eyes, when I turned back around S was shaking his head and laughing. Oh what a night that could have been. lol.

I must say that people watching in a gay bar can be rather amusing. I saw them all, I saw the drama queen, the preppy queen, the stuck up queen, the butch Mr. Leather Ohio 2009 (who was mighty fine in his camo pants by the way, and had the moves on the dance floor), the drag queens, the hags, the overly drunk gay kid trying to drink himself to death, and some really awesome people too. What was so interesting was they were in their element, they were comfortable with who they were, and they were all so wonderful and nice! No strange looks when you bump into someone, just a heart filled "Oh, sorry, I didn't see you", the random older gentleman that struck up a conversation with me at the bar. But there were also moments that the part of me I now refer to as "party boy" saw things that I had only read about.

I'm not sure what it is about a public men's room that gets these guys going so much, but I was propositioned while I was trying to get rid of the beers I had. The party boy in me was screaming for me to go for it, but the sensible side of me got the better of me and knew this was just not the safest nor smartest thing to do, so I kindly passed and went on with my business. I never thought I would find myself in that position, but for the most part I was proud for handling it the way I did because I know if I had let the party boy take over, I probably........probably would have regretted it today......yeah, I'm pretty sure I would have regretted it........yeah, I think so, but it wasn't the easiest decision I've ever made in my life. (Are you ready to start judging yet? or maybe you already have? You just don't know how hot he was. lol)

So anyway, it was such a great night, I know I'm not the "go to the bar three nights a week" type of guy, but I also know I'm not done with the bars yet, I enjoy the noise, the people watching, the music, and the whole thing. It feels like a part of me I missed in my 20's by spending it shackled to the straight life never letting myself experience a great gay bar. It makes me sad that S and I haven't done this before, but it's taken this long to get everything out in the open.

So there you go, if you'd like me to put you in that group I don't share with, just let me know and I'll be sure to make sure my posts are marked for you to read or to skip. But either way it's my blog. :)

I feel so much better.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Here ya go Genia!!

I have been missing for a bit, but it was because Jake was on vacation and I didn't want to be the cause of his google reader for burning up so I paced myself......yeah.....that's why I've been missing.....yup, I swear, that's the reason. ;)

I have been rather busy lately, both by design and by accident. For anyone who hasn't been in the store in the last three months, you won't even recognize the place, nothing is the same and the location of everything has changed, new paint, new layout, so much and I've been handling a lot of it myself. We moved the deli counter, finished the new deli, moved the loud compressor to the front of the store and built a room to enclose it, then we moved the counter and candy counters and redesigned a new space for them that makes the layout of the store make SO much more sense. I'm going to post a few pictures, a few more gallons of paint and I'll be ready to take the final before and after pictures based on the original photos I took in March of 2005, I can't believe how much I've transformed this space in the last three and a half years, I'm absolutely amazed. A few more small projects to go and I'm done remodeling.

There isn't much news on the sale of the store sadly. There were a couple people that have called the realtor and one couple that came and looked around and I showed them around because they are old friends of mine. So there has been some interest, but nothing serious yet, but I have a feeling deep in the pit of my stomach that something is happening somewhere that is going to bring good news. I have faith that God will take care of me until he's ready for me to move on.

Since the weather has broken we have been back at my aunt's house as well working on the pool cabana house I designed and my brother built last fall. It's not much of a building, but it's a storage room, a full bath and a patio that runs the length of the pool, it's a really neat setup and she's excited to get it opened up. It's a ways a way yet, but it's getting closer every day. My brother and father have been working on the plumbing and exterior finishes lately, they should have the toilet and sink up and running and the outside completed by next week sometime, I have to get pictures of it sided and such yet. I don't help out too much unless there is a design issue or there is a lack of help there like the other night when I had to go and help run the gas line for the pool heater, what a pain in the a##, a pool is great but the equipment is a pain, that's for sure.

The other project we just recently started was my brother's new house. He's bitten off more than he can chew in this situation because he has no idea of how long things take and how little time he actually has. He has two and a half weeks to gut and rebuild three rooms of his house before he moves in on the 1rst of June. I've been doing everything I can over there and taken over as project manager because he's not used to this. I figured he's given me three years of his time so I can give him a few weeks of what time I have. lol. Sunday he went out to mow and I wanted to start gutting the old living room that we're converting into the master bedroom, he had no intentions of starting it until he saw me get out of my truck with a hammer. lol. I had some frustrations to work out and over the last two days I have managed to knock all of the plaster off the walls in the three rooms we're working on. I feel better and the plaster is gone, so all is well right?

It feels good to be active again, although my body is so sore!! I'm really having fun because I just love homes so much. The new layout is my design and it rocks by the way. ;) We're converting an old small bedroom into a hallway, a walk-in closet and a laundry room. It solves a lot of floorplan issues the house had and will function for my brother very well. He's so excited to be moving out to the country and I can't blame him, it's so quiet and peacefull out there. I have to work the next two nights so I won't be going out there, but on Thursday we should be removing the lathe board and start the new wiring, by next week we will be ready for insulation and drywall and the new windows. Things are getting stressful because I'm out of town for memorial day weekend and my brother is going on a 5 day vacation right before moving day, so time is short. It will be easier once it's done and he's moved in, but until then it's a race against the clock.

My birthday was really great, it was a week or so ago. The day before my actual birthday Free and Charro took me to Kyoto Ka, it's a newer sushi restaurant in Toledo and it was fantastic! We just love our sushi! I had a really great time and laughed my a## off and really enjoyed myself. We went for ice cream and headed back to B.G. where I left my car and I headed out to see B at her parents house in town. I really sucked at the Wii, but had fun at it like usual and then we all converged into the hot tub and enjoyed ourselves imensly, after a little more Wii, I took the new sheets B got me for my birthday and headed home. My new sheets ROCK by the way. ;)

My actual birthday was much calmer than all that, I started the day with dinner with the parents and then got to mow my yard for the first time this year. It felt good. I then headed out to my buddies house to help prepare the pond for the summer, got to spend good time out in the country with some friends and had a good relaxing time. For supper my parents had me over for a good home cooked meal and then we had cake and then I was home in time to sit on the couch and watch my Sunday night shows. It doesn't sound very exciting but it was a good day non the less.

This past weekend I partied it up with S and a few other of our friends at a nice bon fire which led to beer pong somehow. It was a long night that ended in some interesting conversations that require much processing, but a lot of things were said and I think it was good, it didn't all sound good at that time but it's all good. Somehow in the night I ended up on some superior pedestal passing judgement on two of the people in the room, and while I meant well and it was said out of love, I realize I have NO room to talk about anything and I was feeling rather bad so I had to talk to the parties involved and appologize, and things are better now. lol.

I'm getting excited for memorial day because I'm finally taking a small vacation. I'm going camping with a few old friends up in Marble head and will be off Saturday, Sunday AND Monday I tried and tried to find someone to work the store on Saturday but have had no luck so I'm closing the place down on that Saturday. Saturday sales are slipping anyway so no one will miss me anyway and I have never closed to go on vacation and it's about time. I'm so excited to go camping again, I have to dig out my tent and make sure I can put it together still. I also might need a new air matress, I'm not sure my other one made the last move, but I could be wrong, I haven't been in the attic in quite some time.

This has gone on pretty long so I think I'm going to go and grab my camera from the cash counter and try to post some pictures of what I've been up to in the store. ;) BRB.
This is a view of the cash counter area circa 2005

This was the new counter I purchased last year and put in the same place as the old one.

This picture was just taken last week with the counter in the new location. The counter used to start where the freezer is right in front.

This gives a better view of the new candy counter location and a better view of the store.

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Some tips for watching Godspell

I went to see the high school drama group perform Godspell last night and they did an incredible job. I had never seen this before but am now an instant fan. I never quite realized what a moving musical this is. I only wish someone had warned me about a few things to avoid rather....umm.....awkward moments in the evening, so I thought I might warn you folks.

1. When you have really good seats, about 6 feet from the stage and you hear you someone singing beside you and you turn to see who it is.....there will be a well built 18 year old in his underwear standing next to you. Yeah wasn't expecting to come face to waist with a young chisled man while sitting with my sister and grandmother, not that I'm complaining, but a little warning would have been good.

2. That nearly naked chiseled 18 year old that you are drooling over and watching every move? Yeah turns out he's Jesus in this play. Talk about......awkward.

I wasn't exactly sure which point was more awkward.....
-Seeing this gorgeous man in his underwear within reaching distance
-Checking him out from head to toe wondering if he's even 18 (yes he was thank goodness)
-Realizing you've been checking out least this plays interpretation of Jesus, and not really being able to take your eyes off of him.

But I must say Judas has some good qualities too.
I'm so horrible.

But all that aside the musical was fan.freakin.tastic!!! I would see this performed again, if I didn't have to work tonight I would go see it again. There is a movie from the 70's that is very close to the stage production that I'm going to have to check out because the dialog moves so fast it's hard to catch everything. How have I not heard of this before?

That is all. :)

Friday, May 1, 2009

It's a mix.

I've been catching up on some episodes of t.v. I've missed over the last couple of weeks and feel better, I also managed to clean my bathroom (finally), I painted the store bathroom today, and also cleaned my office. I was actually productive today, so productive that I was exhausted at the end of the day and fell asleep on the couch and threw the rest of my schedule off for the night, so now I'm here at 1am typing this blog. lol.

I'm sitting here getting angry at myself for letting myself get this huge, letting myself hold myself back from doing the things I enjoy because of my weight. Using stupid excuses to keep myself from putting forth an effort to change this part of me that I've been so unhappy with for so many years. I'm tired of constantly thinking people are laughing at me. I'm tired of hearing laughter when I enter a room and just automatically thinking it's me. I'm tired of being intimidated by people I think are good looking and just making myself believe the only reason they would talk to me would be because they want something from me. I'm growing so tired of these things that are in my head, separating myself from life because I don't think I look good enough or am thin enough to take part in it. The really sad thing is when I wake up in the morning I'll go back to what I've been doing because I'm always too exhausted to do something different.

Just so this post is not all whining and bitching.....I know, I'm going to stray from the usual whiny post, but here it goes.

My brother who recently got separated from his wife, by a mutual decision, just got his very first house of his own. The first house that he ever bought was a mistake and it was with his soon to be ex-wife. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but they were not financially stable enough to take on such a burden, and it was truely a burden. It nearly destroyed their marriage when it was good, but my brother got through it. He finally found a good way to do this on his own and after sitting down with him the other night and going over his finances he understand just how financially stable he is to take this on, on his own this time.

I'm very proud of my older brother, my siblings and I have been interacting in such a different way lately, in a way where we are taking care of each other. We are building each other up, and being our own support system. We've never done this before, well at least all at the same time, and it's been wonderful. My brother said how sad it was that his younger brother and sister had to show him how to set up a budget and show him how to pay bills, do laundry, and all the things that come with living the single life. I told him it wasn't sad, it was just about time. 36 years and he's never lived on his own, never gotten to make his own decisions and never knowing how freeing it can be to live on your own. He's going to do great.

It may not be much yet, and is a little rough around the edges, but by the time we're done with it, it's going to be beautiful, a house of dreams.