Saturday, May 16, 2009

I do appologize.

What am I apologizing for you may wonder, well I went out last night and had tons of things to talk about, tons of things I wanted to write about from the evening, but halfway through the night I had convinced myself that I couldn't blog about it because my readers may not like the things I say, or tell me how awful I am, and how they can't believe they ever made friends with such a person. This is probably true in many of my circles of friends, but if I have a great night and I can't talk about it with the people I love, why oh why would I want to continue the friendship?

On my way home last night I realized that no one has ever given me a reason to think like this, perhaps it is myself still trying to hide behind imaginary conversations and imaginary people judging me from afar, maybe it's me dealing with how I was raised and realizing it was perhaps not quite open minded enough to fully enjoy life. None of you have ever given me a reason to think these things, so why have I put you in this judgmental box? So I let you all out of it and decided I wanted to talk about last night. I realize there are bits and pieces of me that may not always be perfect, much of my personality I hide from most people because I'm afraid of how they will react, it stays in the closet with me most times.

So last night we went to a bar in T-town called Ceaser's. It's a local gay bar, but it's a show bar, a place for drag queens to perform. Last night we attended a pageant for 8 divas all competing for a state title for entertainer of the year. Yes I enjoy watching drag shows, maybe not every weekend, but I find their enthusiasm and energy refreshing. To have the courage to be who you are, up on stage and being judged is just so awesome for me. S is convinced he's making a drag queen out of me, but these legs in heels? I don't think so. ;) I went with S and J, S knows that I'm gay, but J does not yet. I haven't told her, nor did I tell her because it just hasn't been the time yet, a few more drinks and I probably would have told her, but oh well.

So our friend M, Miss Rebecca Sinclair was competing and I had yet to make it to one of his performances. The place was amazing, not so much the bar but the atmosphere, I felt very comfortable there. When we walked in it wasn't filled with tiny twinks like I had expected, but instead groups of natural people, many were very beautiful, and the rest were comfortable, I just loved the way it felt. I have never officially been to a gay bar, I've been to a straight bar on drag night, but never a "gay" bar, I can't really say I want that to be my last time, but that's another story.

The shows were great, the company was great and there was SOOOOO much eye candy. One of the entertainers of the year was Skylar Styles a beautiful man with tons of energy and lots of moves. I couldn't take my eyes off of him, and by the end of his routine he was in a G-string, which I don't think most people expected, but I was happy to see. This man makes so many parts of my body go pitter patter. lol. He had the moves, he had the energy and he had his performance down to a T. He really was a fantastic entertainer, and VERY easy on my eyes. Here's a link to a youtube video you can see a competition performance:

Another thing I wanted to talk about was Cory, our waiter, another fine piece of eye candy with such a gentle and beautiful personality...........and a very nice butt. S and I are both good tippers anyway, but the way Cory was taking care of it, I was tipping very well, money I didn't really have, but I was happy to give it to him just to see him smile and have him touch my arm again, he was delicious. Well tipping him well meant he paid us a lot of attention, always smiling and laughing with us and since I was sitting by the aisle he would place his hand on my back and lean into the table, his touch was wonderful! Well towards the end of the night he was standing behind me trying to get through and his tray just kind of bumped the back of my head ever so slightly and he placed his arm around me and placed his hand on my chest and leaned in behind me and talked right next to my ear how sorry he was. I grabbed his hand that was on my chest and turned my head slightly and told him he could bump into me anytime he wanted. I hadn't even had that much to drink but it was actual flirting, it felt so good. He gave me a quick peck on the cheek and said I was just "too much" lol. I felt like a kid, he gave me goose bumps.

So at the end of the night we were headed out and he was headed back around towards our table and saw we were leaving and thanked S and I for our generosity and hoped we had a great time and leaned in to hug us. While I was getting my hug I told him if I was a hundred pounds lighter I would be asking him to come home with me, he got up next to my ear again and said I don't give myself enough credit and if he didn't have someone at home waiting for him he might just go with me. I nearly died. Now I do realize that he probably said this because he just made a ton of money off of us through the 4 hours we were there and that probably made his night so he thought he would encourage the fantasy of a fat man, but there was something I felt that was genuine about that, it could have been the beer, but he did make me feel better, so I guess it doesn't matter, it worked. As he shook his butt back up to the bar I couldn't help but follow him with my eyes, when I turned back around S was shaking his head and laughing. Oh what a night that could have been. lol.

I must say that people watching in a gay bar can be rather amusing. I saw them all, I saw the drama queen, the preppy queen, the stuck up queen, the butch Mr. Leather Ohio 2009 (who was mighty fine in his camo pants by the way, and had the moves on the dance floor), the drag queens, the hags, the overly drunk gay kid trying to drink himself to death, and some really awesome people too. What was so interesting was they were in their element, they were comfortable with who they were, and they were all so wonderful and nice! No strange looks when you bump into someone, just a heart filled "Oh, sorry, I didn't see you", the random older gentleman that struck up a conversation with me at the bar. But there were also moments that the part of me I now refer to as "party boy" saw things that I had only read about.

I'm not sure what it is about a public men's room that gets these guys going so much, but I was propositioned while I was trying to get rid of the beers I had. The party boy in me was screaming for me to go for it, but the sensible side of me got the better of me and knew this was just not the safest nor smartest thing to do, so I kindly passed and went on with my business. I never thought I would find myself in that position, but for the most part I was proud for handling it the way I did because I know if I had let the party boy take over, I probably........probably would have regretted it today......yeah, I'm pretty sure I would have regretted it........yeah, I think so, but it wasn't the easiest decision I've ever made in my life. (Are you ready to start judging yet? or maybe you already have? You just don't know how hot he was. lol)

So anyway, it was such a great night, I know I'm not the "go to the bar three nights a week" type of guy, but I also know I'm not done with the bars yet, I enjoy the noise, the people watching, the music, and the whole thing. It feels like a part of me I missed in my 20's by spending it shackled to the straight life never letting myself experience a great gay bar. It makes me sad that S and I haven't done this before, but it's taken this long to get everything out in the open.

So there you go, if you'd like me to put you in that group I don't share with, just let me know and I'll be sure to make sure my posts are marked for you to read or to skip. But either way it's my blog. :)

I feel so much better.


  1. The waiter was right, you don't give yourself nearly enough credit.

  2. Ditto. You don't give yourself enough credit at all.

    And man, I don't think any of us that read your blog are judging you. Post away all your thoughts. I like the blogs like this one the most because they are real; they are TRUE and honest feelings. Life at its greatest.

  3. Lemme get this straight:

    You had a great time in a gay bar.


    You don't like being judged.

    Hmm, sweetie, me thinks you weren't paying close enough attention!

    All (mostly) kidding aside, I agree with these two. You really don't give yourself enough credit.

    As for the *ahem* bathroom etiquette, just remember that sex is sex, and precautions should be taken no matter where it takes place or how hot the guy is.

    All the mothering aside, I'm glad you had a good night out and felt you could let your hair down! I'm also glad to hear that you and S seem to be in a more trusting place given your past difficulties!

    Maybe you should move to Cleveland instead of Cinci so I have someone to go out with every once in a while!!!