Wednesday, October 22, 2008

It's a routine procedure

How many times in your life have you heard the phrase "It's a routine procedure" and just laughed it off and just knew you were going to be o.k.?

There are many of us out in the world that no matter what "procedure" it is freak out. The neighbor kid went in today to have his tonsils taken out. What the parents were told to be a 45 minute surgery quickly turned into 2 hours. There was extensive bleeding when they cut one out and he had a very bad reaction to the anesthesia. His blood pressure dropped, his lips turned blue and he wasn't able to breath. Even in the recovery while the doctors were trying to figure out what to do he was choking, and still having problems breathing and couldn't stand up.

They finally got him home a little bit ago, he's got some massive pain killers and is supposed to be watched tonight. The doctor said he should be fine, but just to watch him for the night to make sure.

The poor kid was told for the last week by all of us that it wasn't a big deal, it was an easy surgery and he's be back at his antics in a day or two. The poor kid isn't going to believe a word we say anymore, as well as never wanting to see a doctor again for the rest of his life.

The parents were a bit shaken up, but are feeling better. These are the neighbors I consider family and when they filled me in on the details I just couldn't believe it.

It got me thinking, you just never know when your time is up. Every minute becomes so precious, one minute you think you're fine, and the next they are trying to revive you. It just doesn't make sense, but what in this world really does?

I've been trying over the last 10 years to really live as much life as I can. Try new things, meet new people, go new places, and try to appreciate each and every moment. There are days I get caught up in such mundane thoughts, and bad situations, which is all part of life. I can't say I'd ever be that happy obnoxious silver lining person, but I've been trying to appreciate what I have, when I have it. But there are still times I feel like I'm missing an opportunity, or not doing enough with my day to really enjoy it. It's part of my internal battle with sleeping too late, or spending a day alone on the couch, what is it that I'm getting out of that time?

Somewhere there is a line I need to find between living life and exhausting myself. There is a medium ground somewhere, where there is no guilt for doing what you feel like, and no expectations on what living life really means. I would just hate to wait for that turning point in my own life, I'd like to think that when that point came in my life with a scare like that, I'd think, well, I've lived a good full life.

Then there are days when I get so irrationally pissed off at random little things that I lose focus on all that, and I wonder, why? You know, like in the middle of a thought process in writing a blog, a customers walks in and wants something, I mean, duh! ;) What is this a store?

Now I lost my train of thought, so I might as well stop it, not that it was a very fluid thought to begin with.

Monday, October 20, 2008

One step closer

So I got the news today that my roof repairs can be started in the next two to three weeks! I have been very excited about the news and will be getting my loan documents prepared this week so I'll have the money when the roof gets done.

This is one step closer to getting out of here and moving on with a new life.

And while this is so exciting and has my mind racing it started to really feel like it was becoming reality and I was smacked upside the head with it.

I suddenly realized that once this place is gone, it all changes. I will then have to look for a job, I will once again be working for someone else, and the thought terrifies me. I can't help but think back to what it was like before, getting up for work just knowing something was going to go wrong, something would piss him off and the day would go to shit.

Driving to work with a knot in my stomach not really knowing what mood he would be in for the day, how to approach him, what calls would come in and set him off, and just what the general office mood would be that particular day. Finding a mistake, a human mistake, could set the man off in such a rage that doors would slam, books would go flying across the room, horrible, horrible things would be said and he would verbally beat me down, again. Or would it be a day where he decided to do some work himself and enslave me for the entire evening, forcing me to work all night to get work done because he realized he was out of money? What kind of day would it be?

I always heard that Friday's in the corporate world were good days, you got paid, you made plans for the weekend, you went out to lunch, and it always sounded like a good day. But my Fridays? My Friday's were filled with angst, him making me feel like I was stealing from his family because I wanted paid that week, wondering if I should cash the check at lunch, or wait until Saturday when they scraped up enough money to pay me, or would he tell me that I had to work all weekend again, spending all day Saturday and half a day Sunday paying for his mistakes of the week?

It's bringing back such awful memories, and I keep trying to convince myself it won't be like that. I'm expecting hard times from time to time, but not every day. I try to convince myself that the next boss won't put me down everyday and verbally beat me into submission. I keep trying to get myself to see that not every boss throws office furniture across the room to get a point across, that not every office needs to replace their phones systems a few times a year because he slammed the receiver down so hard it broke it in two. I promise myself that this time I will stand up for my personal rights, that I won't get beat down, that I won't be pushed around, and that this time, this time I will be seen for the talented person I am. That this time they will see how loyal, responsible, and eager to learn that I am. That this time will be different.

And yet there is a knot in my stomach, like it used to be, thinking I'm the type of person that gets walked all over and will find myself in the same situation as before. I'm nervous about starting over, and while that's part of the excitement, it's also part of the nerves. What will I say in interviews? How will they respond to the answer of "Why did you leave this profession for the last three years?" How will they perceive me?

I know it's going to be alright, God is leading me, God is guiding me. God will watch over me, to help me learn from the past.

And yet somehow, I still can't convince myself. It's hard to think that the last three years of hard work I've put into this place, the last three years of blood, sweat and tears I've put into it, will all be over. A future I was so sure about, over, just like that. I just have to remember everything I've learned and experienced while I've been here, the things I'll take away from this place is more payment than I could ever realize. And one thing I know will help me land that future very first on my own projects being built. I can do it, I can survive it, and I'm humble enough to know there is still much to learn.

It's going to work out, I just hope that feeling over powers the shadows of the past.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Four walls contain so many memories

This past week I've been battling a nasty cold, I feel like it's on it's way out now, but it's still lingering. This has caused me to be extra tired, and at time rather cranky, but I've been surviving. What it also has caused, is me to slow down.

Friday night I was off from Wendy's and normally I take that night to go out and do things with friends, or hang out somewhere, but I was so tired by the time I was done working Friday I did what my mother had been suggesting for quite some time, I stayed home and curled up on the couch. It's become such a rare occasion that I take time to just let myself be sick, rest and heal, and it felt pretty good. It's not uncommon at night for me to space out, I just usually do it somewhere else lol. To top it off today I did nothing. Literally nothing. Well nothing to me always means something. :) I managed to get out of bed long enough to go to lunch with my parents, then came home and laid down on the couch. Other than that the only thing I got off the couch to do was to put the electric blanket on my bed, because it's freaking cold in here!

I fought the urge all day to be up doing stuff, but I told myself I needed rest, so that's just what I did. I watched movies and laid on the couch all freaking day. Genia popped in on her way into town (yeah geina!!) and we spent an hour or so talking and making plans for this week for her visit! She's booked solid as always but there is time to catch up in there. :) Now that I've rested all day I'm not tired. dang it. But I'm sure my dosage of cold medicine will kick in soon and send me off to bed.

The title of the blog? Yeah, you probably didn't even think of it. Well in my spare time today I did manage to spend a little time off of the couch because I've decided to start organizing all my computer files, on both computers. I spent Saturday organizing the office computer and I spent some time today moving files around on my personal computer. Most of what I have on this personal computer is pictures. I've managed to keep all my pictures on this computer so I was backing them up to my external hard drive, and sometime I'll copy them all onto DVD. All this so that someday I'll be able to get them printed out and put together albums.

These photos are a collection of everything I've taken with my digital camera over the last four years. Four years, it sounds like such a short amount of time. I've only been here in the store for three, at times it feels like an eternity, but it seems like such a short span of time in the grand scheme of things. I look over these pictures and I realize just how many special moments I've had in these past four years. I spend most of my time thinking I'm not doing anything with my life, but these pictures prove me wrong. The people I've met, the memories I've made, the places I've been, each moment nearly forgotten about. I love pictures, mostly because I really don't have that great of a memory, it takes something to trigger many of these memories, and these pictures flooded me with all the good stuff.

I have literally thousands of pictures of my times, and it's only a small portion of the picture collection I have of my life. It just amazes me at times. It also makes me wish I carried my camera with me more, what about the times not on film? I know the memories are in there somewhere, just waiting for something to trigger them and bring them back to life. How could I be unhappy with a few instances in my life, when I have all these happy memories, all these happy times happening all around me, and I just don't seem to recognize them until I look backwards. I find it so strange. I've been trying to recognize these moments more while I'm in the moment, and I'm starting to get a good grip on the idea. Small little things, the way someone laughs, the conversations that were had, or the look on someones face while I talk to them, I keep trying to implant them more and more into my memory.

Well I think that's enough of my rambling on and on for today. :) Time to crawl into my wonderfully warm bed and rest even more. :)

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Stereo type what?

Yeah, here I am living up to stereo types, and breaking them apart all at the same time.

I spent this lonely boring afternoon in this place lacking customers watching Sex and the City on my computer in the office. I started it a little bit before the football game and planned on watching the movie until the game came on, but low and behold I got caught up in the movie and realized the game would still be going when it was done. Damn, what a great movie.

I've just come to realize that there is nothing wrong with living up to some of the stereo types, and it's o.k. to be gay and watch football. You are who you are, no matter what you do, it's not what you do that says if you're gay, it's all in who you are. I have straight friends that are into fashion, I was always told that was a gay trait....hmmm......straight man spends $150 on clothes to go to a bar man spends $15 on a new pair of Wal-Mart special shoes to go with his 8 year old jeans.

Life is just a mess of people being who they are, so why do I fret that if I say I've seen Phantom of the Opera 6 times in different theatres across the country that it screams out that I'm gay? So what if I own a Cher C.D. and spent three hours on the road jamming to the 80's Madonna? I can also build a house, talk the talk of the carpenter, I watch football, I have NO fashion sense, I can change the oil in my car all by myself, I can re-plumb my own kitchen, I can run electrical outlets to where ever I need them, I can play sports, I know the rules to sports...well most of them....but I also love a good chick flick.

Everyone talks about being a contradiction upon themselves, but really, why is it a contradiction? Is it not just being ones self? Who dictates these rules? Who decides what's masculine and what's feminine? How did we all get so wrapped up into societies rules that we feel we need to hide what we enjoy, what we really enjoy? How did all this happen?

My grandmother was looked upon as being to masculine back in her day. She worked full time in a factory for most of her life, she raised her kids, she worked the farm, all along side of my grandfather. They were the cutest couple I've ever seen. There was no woman's work, and no man's work. Grandpa was the cook, he was a cook in the army and when they came back he cooked until his first accident. My grandmother mowed the yard when grandpa had a hard day, grandpa would do the laundry when my grandmother was too tired from work. I wasn't raised in the same manner most were and I find it refreshing.

The older I get the more I realize that there is no set of rules to ones life, it's whatever you make of it. To dwell on the past is a choice, to look too far into the future is a choice, and to live in the present so much that you forget both the past and the future is also a choice. Is it wrong? Who's to say? Does it feel right? Only you can answer, only I can answer for me. Only I can decide to stop dwelling on the pains of the past, only I can decide to get off my ass and do something, to put right what I feel is wrong. I have to choose to stop thinking of terms of stereo types, to decide that I don't care what others think of my music choice, my clothing options, and what movies I watch. Only I can decide that the life I have, the life I live is fine, it's good for me, and I'm happy with it.

So why can't I get there? Why do I spend so much time thinking and less time doing? What's stopping me from all of this? It's society. It's society telling me that since I'm gay I don't deserve the same rights. It's society telling me that as a man I need to shun Sex and the City and rattle off a million sports statistics that don't really matter. It's society that tells me that if I'm gay I shouldn't know the difference between a hack saw and a saw saw.

I battle society every day in my head, why can't I do it out loud? I do from time to time, but it never seems enough.

This week at my other job we had a customer that was rather effeminate. My coworkers were talking about it like they usually do, and the new guy joins the conversation stating that if he had seen him he would have jumped across the counter and beat his ass. We were all speachless just staring at him. I broke the silence by asking him why he felt the need to beat the crap out of someone he didn't know, and had nothing to do with? Was he so afraid that a gay man would become so sex crazed by the sight of him that he would anything to touch him? Or was it because he's different? Or was it because you're so afraid that if you get close to someone like him you might realize you are just like him? What makes you so afraid of this guy?

He stared back at me in silence, and didn't have an answer. Then I pointed out to him that the girl he had been talking to all night was a lesbian, why wasn't he punching her? She's different and yet you want to hear stories about her girlfriend, why was that? I got the typical answer "because that's hot, I like watching that". I shook my head and said o.k., so did that guy ask you to come over and watch him and his boyfriend have sex? Did that guy just offer you details to his sex life? Or did he offer you anything at all? Or better yet, did he even look in your direction or even talk to you? And you still want to beat his ass? I think the person with the biggest problem in this building is your dumb ass. You're going to threaten the life of this person you don't even know based on who he sleeps with? If it's not you then why do you give a shit? I think that chick you were in here with last week was a nasty skank, and the thought of you two together would give me nightmares for years to come, but I don't want to kick your ass. I suggest you get your shit together and get back to work because we don't put up with that kind of shit here.

He came into the office later and apologized, he said he was trying to show off for the other crew, and that in fact he had a couple of gay friends. I laughed and said you know, if you really considered them friends, you wouldn't even joke like that when they aren't around. And then I came face to face with that question.......Are you gay? I looked him square in the eyes and said, why? If I say I am would you beat my ass? My personal life has no bearings on this conversation, nor does it have anything to do with this job. I don't talk about my personal life because it's really none of your business, this has nothing to do with sexuality, it has to do with respect for your fellow human beings. He gave up and went back to work. I was shaking from the confrontation and that question. I didn't say it mean, I just said it as a matter of fact. I don't know if he thinks I'm gay or not, and I came to a point that night, that I really didn't care.

It turns out he's actually a nice guy, and once you get through the macho bullshit on the surface, he's a pretty decent guy, I'm just not sure he's ever been called out on it before. I'm not usually the type of person that does, but lately it just hits a nerve.

It was society that taught him to be that macho, that beating a guys ass was the thing to do because it's a threat to what society raised him to believe, the stereo types. I think all stereo types need to be broken, I think society needs to wake up and realize just how detrimental we are all being on the next generation, and it's only going to get worse unless one by one we slowly wake up.

This blog is rather random, but they are the blogs I enjoy the most. :) It's what you get when you read my stuff, and it's what I get after a day of being alone and watching a good chick flick while listening to the football game. :)

Have a great weekend.

Monday, October 13, 2008

Another weekend in Cinci.

You know, every weekend I spend down there it only strengthens two thoughts:

1) that the move I hope to make there just feels right.
2) That I'm meant to move there.

I always smile when I get close and come over the hill and see part of the city laid out before me, the huge smile I had on my face as we drove through downtown on Saturday night, the comfortable feeling I get while I'm there, although finding my way around makes a little nervous, but so did Detroit before I moved there. It all just seems so right.

D and I were talking over a beer and a smoke just out of range from our friends and talked about everything that has happened over the last 9 years and how it seems just so fitting we all end up down there. I have a hard time with fate, and I'm still not sure if that's what I call it, but it all seems to be adding up to something, and it's kind of exciting. The length of the story goes like this, and it's annoying with just letters instead of names, but it will have to do for now...

I met Dv through some mutual friends I used to work with at W's and got to know Dv really well and we all had great fun hanging out. Well Dv moved to Cincinnatti a couple of years after I met him. A group of us would travel often to visit Dv in Cinci and I really enjoyed it there. Everywhere we went was just beautiful and I really liked it down there. Dv hated it, but he had his own personal reasons for it. So I go away to school up North after a few years and it seems life would take us all away from each other, and losing a lot of the contact we had all grown fond of.

One weekend while a group of people from back home were coming up to visit me up north Dv called and said he wanted to go. Well in a last minute decision he ended up bring his friend Jm with him. Jm and Dv had known each other for a little while and were good friends and I'm 98% sure that Dv had an interest in her, but I digress.

So at first meeting Jm is a bit rough around the edges, but I thought she was great, right from the start. Well apparently Dv, D, and I were the only ones that liked her, so it was a rather rough weekend. Well a funny story is I crammed all these people into D and I's apartment, we had sleeping araingements figured out except for Jm because we weren't expecting her.

D and I had met when we were put together as roommates in college a little over a year before all of this occured so D and I had become really great friends. He enjoyed my friends and hung out with us all when they would come up to visit. So anyway....

Jm and D strike up a conversation about one of the books he was reading and was out on the end table. They ended up talking the whole night kind of excluding the rest of us, which all but Dv had noticed. LOL. Well the rest of us fall asleep and in the morning we discover that Jm stayed in D's room that night and the next night. He still refuses to tell me if anything really happened that night or not.

To make a long story short and skip ahead a few years a few weeks after that weekend everyone was up Dv and Jm stopped talking in Cinci, and Jm came to visit D and I at our apartment up north and ended up living with us for nearly a year. The three of us had such a great time together, people thought it would be cramped with her living with us, but it was probably the best year we had there, everything was going great. So the end of the school year came, I had to move out and down with a couple of other friends and D and Jm moved to his parents house while they figured out what to do, and ultimatly ended up in Chicago, which I didn't even realize until months later.

As time went on they built a nice little life in Chicago and I had graduated and moved out further east but still in the area of school. D calls and says he's moving back to finish his degree and Jm would stay behind and wait for him. Well a year goes by with D visiting as often as he can, but Jm never coming out to visit him because she hated the area and vowed never to return. Well things between them began to fall apart and he agreed to help her move back to Cinci to her parents place. That's when they broke up.

So life went on. A few years later after D finishes up school and gets tired of his job he gets restless and starts job searching. I didn't know why, but he had found a job and decided to move to Cinci. Turns out I find out later he moved there to get Jm back, but that didn't happen. But what did happen was he found himself building a new life for himself in Cinci and met B. I'm not sure how, when, where, or all the who's about it, but B discovered my myspace page through D and I guess found them interesting, or gave her some thing to laugh about. LOL. So when I went private D and had told her to contact me so she could keep reading.

Well this started a whole new thing I don't think D was expecting. B and I became great friends. The first time I visited B in Cinci, I think D was all sorts of confused with his worlds colliding, but there it was. The more I went to visit them the more I realized how great it was down there, and once again things were falling apart for me here.

I had gone from up north with an abusive boss, to small town america and that ladies and gents, that was the time I decided to accept to myself that I was gay. yeah, great timing huh? I came back because I thought this was what I wanted, it didn't take long to realize there was nothing here for me, and I just didn't fit in. So I know I had to come back to realize I don't belong here once and for all, and I won't feel the same about leaving this time as I did last time, thank goodness. ;)

So anyway it's amazing the affect we've had on each other's lives, the people we've met, the places we've gone and the things we've done. Everything is thanks to each other. If it weren't for D I never would have met B who had introduced me to a whole clan of other people who wether any of them realize it or not have had a huge impact in my life in the short time I've known them, and many of them, I haven't even met yet. How weird is that? And what's strange is in a way if it weren't for me D never would have met these people either, including his girlfriend now that he's grown very close with.

I just can't deny that each of these things is building on another and I'm so excited to see what's waiting for me. I'm going to lose my patience waiting to move!! I'm ready to start over, to build anew, and to get a fresh start. While I am still nervous about it all happening, I know that it's going to be alright, and the excitment out weighs the fear, so all is good.

And to top it all off, I got to see this weekend where I will be living temporarily while I get my life going down there. The house is great and I'm really looking forward to hanging out with B more often, I think it's going to be great. And I met the neighbor across the street while we were moving her stuff in on Saturday and he is H.O.T. So I know I will have some good eye candy in the summer, so at least that won't change from my neighbor here. LOL.

I'm trying to get myself to think differently when I'm down there, because after B and I talked a few visits ago, I don't want to start off in the closet down there. I don't want to have to start coming out of the closet and then stuff myself back in when I'm supposed to be starting over the right way. I'm just nervous I won't be strong enough or confident enough to not hide in the closet anymore. It's going to be a hard habit to break. Lying for so many years it just becomes habit forming.

So anyway, I've rambled on enough already, probably about boring and strange stories that you really don't care about, but somtimes it's helpful for me to just sort it out when it's in front of me, and sometimes I just ramble on because I'm so bored here. :)

So anyway, until next time

Gale Harold

O.K. since my last blog entry threatened the safety of my fingers, I thought I would look around and see if there was another I could take. Anderson Cooper unleashed a side of Jake I wasn't sure about, so I decided to stay away. LOL.

So here is my latest...Gale Harold. I fell in love with him as Brian Kinney in Showtimes Queer as Folk, and the love was recently revived by his new role in Desperate Housewives. Now, although the mystery about what's under Gale's clothes has been lost (Thank you Queer as Folk) I still find him quite beautiful....yeah, that's the word I'll use. :)

What a fine piece of sculpted man. And Jake, I'm willing to fight for this one. ;)

Exhausting weekend

What a weekend I had, non stop and always on the go. I had a great time, but I could use a day off to catch up. LOL.

Friday night I was supposed to be leaving for Cinci, had this plan actually worked I would have been o.k., but due to some vacations and such at my second job getting that night off as well was just not in the cards. Not to mention Friday morning I get a funeral order called in to be delivered today (Monday) which had me busting my tail all day to get it done, since I wasn't going to be around this weekend.

So I got the funeral order done and closed the store, went to my second job which was awful. The night was so busy, we couldn't get anything done and then the crew got a bit crazy and we didn't end up getting out of there until like 1:30am. I was already behind schedule, so off I went to run home, got my store paperwork done and set everything up for Saturday, went and loaded my car with what I could, tried to chase down my missing garden hose to take to B, but couldn't find it. I finished laundry and finished packing and finally laid down somewhere about 3:30am. I had the alarm set for 4:30am because I wanted to hit the road by 5am. My body didn't seem to want to cooperate with that plan and I awoke at 5:20am to my alarm finally. I didn't move so quick that early, my body was rather upset at me for getting up so quickly. But I managed to grab everything, dropped a few things off in town and I was finally on my way by 5:40am. I had worked on the schedule so much it went smoothly to get what I need done and not be too behind schedule.

The drive down went really well, it was dark, I had coffee, and great c.d.'s to jam to all the way down there. I showed up a little around 8:30am or so ready to go, which was a good thing because B, even as tired as her and N were started going as soon as I was there. B's dad showed up and we began loading boxes, box after box, down a flight of stairs, and back up the stairs....owe, my legs were feeling it after the third trip up, but I pushed on. :)

It really didn't take as long as I thought to get everything moved over. We had two trips with the u-haul and truck, one trip for each my car and B's car. But we got everything over there. It took about all the energy I had at that moment, but it worked. It could have gone better had the couch fit easily into the basement, but it didn't want to make it that easy. So J and I spent at least an hour or so inching that thing into the family room and it finally made it. That couch isn't coming out as 1 piece, if it comes out, it's coming out in pieces. LOL.

The move is probably one of the smoothest moves I've ever been a part of, none of my moves went that well, usually I fly off that handle about some mundane thing and it all goes down hill from there. But this went well, everyone stayed in a relatively good mood and everything got done and everyone was still talking when it was over. I was impressed. B took us all out for a fantastic meal that night and we all had a lot of fun. B, N and I came back to the house and crashed for an hour or so before heading out to meet up with D and S for D's birthday. I met some new people, got to enjoy a new venue the Hofbrauhaus in Newport which was great, and just had a great time! Newport was just crawling with people, it was so nice to see.

We got home fairly early compared to my normal schedule and we all headed off to bed. Sunday was breakfast, shopping and organizing, it was a good time. One of my jobs for the day was to replace the toilet seat in the Master Bathroom, sounds easy doesn't it? That's what I thought at first. Needless to say I spent about an hour and a half getting the old one off using the following tools: neednose pliers, 2 cresent wrenches, a lighter, a pocket knife, a kitchen knife, and a hammer. It was like major surgery, but it was worth it, I freaking won!!!!

The weekend was just fantastic. I had more issues back at the store that I wish I wouldn't have had to deal with, but what could I do? The day person was late opening the store, the night person was 2 hours late, it was just a mess that I had to try and deal with from B's living room. I was rather irritated, but it all worked out in the end, and I got to spend an entire extra day out of this place, which ALWAYS make me feel better. Sadly with the holidays around the corner and bills coming due, I'm afraid I won't be traveling anymore this year unless I can squeeze in a sunday trip here and there, but I'm afraid my weekend getaways may be done with for the year. That makes me sad. :( But I'll survive, I always do.

So I must ask this.....Is it November 4th. already? I'm so ready for this damn presidential race to be OVER!!! I'm so tired of the commercials, of the articles, and of the ads. I'm ready for it all to be done, then we get a whole two year breather before having to do this all over again. This process just takes WAY too long. I just love how everyone is so hyped up about this years race saying it's the most important and biggest race ever! Well I hate to remind people, but the exact same thing was said 4 years ago, and the same thing will be said 4 years from now. When will people learn.

I'm also pretty confused how the election can be 3 weeks away and people are still undecided. I'm not bitching because the few undecideds I know are really taking their time researching each candidate, but how much more information will be released between now and then? All it's going to be is lies, lies, lies to win over the people that say they haven't decided. I'm not saying my choice was clear cut, lets face it, politics is always hazy, no matter what party or who they are, it's always a hazy decision. Has there ever been a candidate in my voting life that I have wanted whole heartedly? No. Only the lesser of two evils, how sad is that really? The people of America are asked to vote for their leader and it's always the lesser of two evils. Arg, enough of that.

Viva La Revolucion!!!!

Someday the people of America will overturn the government and take over Washington again, and the rest of the America will be clapping and rooting them on. But until then, I guess we need to vote, I mean the pitch forks and torches are on a three year back order! What's up with that?

So anyway I had a great weekend, no matter how exhausted and soar I am today, I had a great weekend. There is just something about moving friends into their new homes that is so rewarding to me, I guess that's why I'm always the first to volunteer to help.

Well that's all, time to go for now. :)

Monday, October 6, 2008

Sleep walking

Not in the actual sense of sleep walking, but have you ever just felt like there are a few days in a week that you just went through the motions like you were sleep walking through them? That's the way this weekend was. I was tired, so very tired, but it just felt as though I was sleep walking through everything I was doing.

Friday night I worked, which I usually feel like I'm sleep walking through that all the time, I do what I have to do to get through the night and then come home and go to sleep. Saturday I woke up feeling good, which is a bit strange for me, usually Saturdays are not good mental days for me, but I felt good so I cleaned my house while watching the store. I got three rooms done and it felt really good, it was nice to have my house back, versus the garbage pit it had become. But sometime Saturday afternoon my mind went to sleep. I began saying things out of the ordinary for me, getting grouchy and touchy and sensitive. I went and spent some time with Free,Charro, and Cariss on Saturday night, I wasn't feeling good, but the mood was not right for the night. Something was very out of place, I don't think anyone was really in the mood to be out and about that night, I still had a good time, but something just wasn't right. I was home by midnight and curling up to go to bed, now that felt right.

Sunday after lunch I passed out in my chair during the time I was supposed to be catching up on my laundry and cleaning my bedroom. Obviously my body needed it, but I was disgruntle when I woke up knowing it would take another two weeks to catch up from this. My work schedule this week is a mess and I'll be out of town this weekend, so it will be two weeks before I really get caught up. Don't ask me how I let it get so far behind, but it does.

I did however get to spend some quality time with my friends home from Missouri and played with my godchild and his sister. We had a great time! He's at that age where he likes to give hugs and tell people he loves them. It melted my heart, what can I say. There are still a few good kids out there, they are just few and far between. ;)

So I'm pretty sure it was just my body fighting something off that caused me to feel like I was sleep walking most of the weekend, but it's really not a good feeling. I often thought I was sleep walking through life, but I'm so not. It may not be as exciting and filled with adventure as I something think it should be, but I'm certainly not sleep walking through it either.

I did get approved for my roof loan, so as long as the contractor has room for me on his schedule this year I should be getting a new roof this year....assuming I can afford it. The payments might be a little tough, but I think I can manage. As long as come spring I don't need 15 buckets strategically place throughout the store, I'll be happy as can be.

Saturday, October 4, 2008

Anderson Cooper

There is just something so beautiful about this man. I don't watch his shows, I don't read his articles, but he is so stunning. I'm not sure what rock I've been living under, but while I searched to find his photo, I found out he's gay, not that I have a chance, but still.

Isn't he dreamy? lol.