Thursday, September 17, 2009

True confessions

Sometimes I get into a mood to share with my friends things that clog up my mind from time to time, things I just want to get off of my chest, and since only a select few of you actually read this blog I'm o.k. with releasing this information. lol.

1. Sometimes I hate things just because they are popular.
I fight so many things when they are popular, I'm not sure why, maybe it's a rebellion thing, or tying to go against the grain to be the mysterious cool guy. Whatever the reason, I find it irritating. lol. When "Friends" first aired and everyone flocked to it, I refused to watch it, I told everyone how stupid it was and I had better things to do with my time. I actually stuck to it because I really did have other things to do. But one fateful night my second year in college when I started living with Dan, he made me watch the show and I fell in love. I now can recite just about every line and recall every episode. I nearly missed one of the greatest shows on t.v. because of my bullheadedness.

2. I really don't hate country music.....and I don't hate all rap.
I've built my life around telling people I didn't like country. It's all people every listen to around here, they turn off my 80's hair bands and turn on the country station. For awhile I really didn't like it for that reason alone, but as I've grown in my old age, I can sing along with many country songs and will secretly listen to country in my truck when I'm driving. I still don't care for all that much rap and hip hop, but I do listen to some. Don't ask me why I keep telling people how much I hate country music, but I do.

3. The real reason I joined the cub scouts.
My mom wanted me to join the cub scouts in the fourth grade to make more male friends and learn some skills. I had no interest in joining, I didn't like the kids that I knew were joining and I was just uncomfortable in my skin. A few days before the deadline the den mother's son asked me if I was joining because he thought I'd have fun, and I instantly wanted to join. I didn't know why exactly back then, but after looking back, it's because he was so cute and I felt an attraction to him. I quit after 1 year because he was an ass and I didn't like the other guys in my den.

4. I love underwear.
I do have an obsession. If I could fit into a normal size I would have closets upon closets of underwear. I think underwear can make you feel sexy even if you know you don't look sexy in it. Not to mention there is something so vulnerable about being in your underwear, a sense of comfort and letting your guard down. You can be whoever you want under your clothes, you can go for comfort or you can be totally outrageous and no one ever has to know. You can really let yourself be whoever you want to be under your clothes, it's great.

5. I really don't hate my job.
I complain about my job but mostly because of the customers and drama the employees bring in with them. I like having a structured environment, knowing what I have to do, what has to get done, and feeling accomplished when it gets done. I like to complain about my job, but there is a reason I keep going back for the last 15 years. Every food job I've ever had I've tried to run like a fast food joint because after all they have had years of experience in trying and failing different ways to do things and they do it because it works.

6. I like to push blame onto others and use excuses.
This is one of the biggest issues God has been forcing me to work through over the last several years. I used to blame others for my shortfalls to avoid confrontation with whoever was in charge and make excuses to make me feel better for whatever screw up I made at that time. The more I noticed it the more I got tired of my own excuses, tired of listening to myself and started to take responsibility. It was way beyond my comfort zone and still find myself doing it from time to time, but I'm getting so much better.

7. I enjoy watching people sleep.
I know it sounds creepy right? I don't go out of my way to sneak anywhere to watch anyone sleep, I swear I don't. But if one of my friends falls asleep in a chair next to me, or beside me in the car or whatever I enjoy watching them sleep. There is something about people when they sleep that is so mesmerizing. We are never quite aware of the stress we carry in our face, a face that is asleep is totally different and I love seeing it on people. To watch the rhythmic breathing and stress free look on their face is calming to me. Some of my friends are so wired most of the time to see them at rest is like getting to know a whole other side of them. And now none of you will ever fall asleep around me. lol.

8. I have an obsession with checking out guys in the drive thru.
Yes, I cruise guys all day long at work in the drive thru. I notice their hair, what they are wearing, how they are wearing it and watch for something sexy. I notice what they have in their cars and wonder where they are going, who they spend time with, etc... I judge women on how their boyfriends/husbands are. lol. It's not good, it's probably not healthy, but it's just how I am. :)

9. If I won the lotto I would hire someone full time to scratch my back.
My sweet spot is my back, simple scratching, lightly sometimes hard scratching is all it takes to make me melt. My ex. used to lightly scratch my back in bed as I was falling asleep and it was amazing. I can never get my back scratched enough. Sick isn't it? lol.

10. Reality T.v.
I tell people about how I don't watch reality t.v. and I've never just gotten the appeal to it, but I was the orginal watcher. I started with Real World 1-4 and loved it! I grew apart from it because it became over the top and a social commentary from people I didn't really care to listen to. I got sucked into Joe Millionare because Evan had a body I liked to drool over, but I hated the show and swore off reality t.v. all together...........then came Bravo. I am hooked on nearly every Bravo reality t.v. show they have. All the housewives, Flipping Out, Top Chef, etc... I don't know what it is about train wrecks that is so appealing, but I watch hours and hours of it when it's on. lol. As I sit here typing this I've been watching Real Housewives of Atlanta since 4 o'clock while I've been running back and forth doing all my chores etc...

11. Telling people I don't cry.
I have always tried to put on at least a little macho face by telling people I don't cry, but the truth is, I cry quite a bit. Not ugly sobbing crying, but I get choked up and tear up quite a bit to various things. Sometimes it's music, mostly live, or a good marching band, movies, sometimes commercial, and even certain episodes of sitcoms. It's one of the reasons I've loved living alone because I could have those moments and not get picked on, when I'm with people I usually start cracking jokes to divert the energy away from tears into laughter. I'm horrible. lol.

12. I'm one of the most perverted people you'll probably ever meet.
It's true, I'm a big ole pervert and can turn nearly any conversation into something sexual. I don't know where I picked up on it, how it started or anything, but there are times I act like a middle schooler. In my older years I've been able to pull back on that quite a bit and keep my mouth shut and can usually push those thoughts to the back of my mind and carry on conversations with adults now, but sometimes, it appears.

13. I honestly have to consiously pull myself back from drinking.
There have been many many points in my life where I have found myself out of control and have to conciously make an effort to say no and to scale back. It takes tons of will power to prevent myself from losing control. I could probably get drunk every night and not think too much of it, it's in my blood. I have uncles that shake if they don't have at least a beer a day, and a father who had to quit drinking cold turkey if he wanted to be a part of our family. My father was never abusive, my father was never out of hand, he just drank, and drank a lot. He told my sister once he hardly remembers her child hood and when it was brought to his attention he quit immediately. He worries at times about his kids, but I think I've finally got it under control. I do like to go out, but if I'm going out, that's it for the week. I have had weeks where I'll have a glass of wine or a mixed drink or two throughout the week and I can do that now. I'm not the type of person anymore that if I drink one I have to drink 12, it's just not me. Sometimes when I'm out I drink one and I'm done, and other nights I drink more than that, but I don't like being drunk.

So why all the confessions? I think it's fun to share things with friends. Somethings don't come up in conversation, some are just fun and sometimes I just have to let it go.

So what's some crazy things from you guys?


  1. Hooray! A new post!

    1. I feel the same way about Nintendo Wii. It actually started out as reluctance to make an ass of myself in front of people since it's such a physical game and I am not a coordinated person. Then people started to act all weird that I wouldn't play and it pissed me off. Now I refuse to play pretty much based on principle.

    2. I hated country until Garth Brooks. Then I hated all country except Garth Brooks. Then Andy moved into our house and I got used to hearing it all the time. Now I love it, though I don't listen as often as I used to. A lot of country stations turned into "The Patriotic American Flag and Soldiers" station a la pretty much everything Toby Keith and Alan Jackson. I love my country to jackass, now shut the fuck up, you know?

    3. I have no clue why I joined to Cub Scouts. If I had to guess, it's probably because it was the thing to do and my brother and I both joined. Dad made us quit Boy Scouts in high school because we didn't take it seriously enough. That means we didn't earn enough badges for his approval in other words.

    4. Do I really have to say anything here? I will say this though: That annoying looking guy I bitched about in the Spring/Summer issue of Undergear is in the Fall Catalog too. Not. Cool.

    5. Working for W's was one of the funnest jobs I've ever had!

    6. Blame? Excuses? Yeah, that stuff makes me uncomfortable, so I just stay in my shell and avoid interacting with anything or anyone that could possibly force me into a situation like that.

    7. I agree. You just put it into clearer words than I could. I tell Cody it's the only time I get to see what he looks like with his mouth shut. Yeah, I know, I'm an asshole.

    8. I check out guys constantly. It's actually become a compulsion of sorts...
    Info we sha'nt be sharing w/Cody...

    At any rate, I just love watching people anyway. But in your line of work you have the added benefit of seeing them from a GREAT vantage point. Looking down into their car. While they're sitting down. Hmm. I'll stop.

    9. This made me laugh. I often think about where I'll visit and what I'll do when I win the lottery. You bring up an important point though: I need to start thinking about my staff, too!

    10. I really don't like it, but I think we all can't help ourselves. Some people are just more willing to admit it. I used to love the Real World. Eventually all these shows started catching on and casting their shows to create tension and drama. So I do watch stuff from time to time, but it tends to make me feel a little dirty after a while.

    11. If we watch a chic flick together and you crack a joke at an emotionally tense moment, I will SO call you out on the carpet. Cody and his brother do this and it drives me nuts. I've paused movies to go off on them before. "Just because you're to insecure to handle the fact that you actually FEEL something doesn't mean you have to crack a joke and ruin the moment for the rest of us!" Lol, you should have seen how big their eyes got the first time I did THAT. Funny thing is, when it's just me and Cody, he's usually sobbing before me!

    12. This is so not a surprise after the last time we were together.... But kudos for keeping it reigned in! Maybe you could teach Cody that!

    13. I'm with you on this one. I don't have a drinking problem. I have a stopping problem. I can go months without a drink and I'm fine. But if I drink enough to get a buzz, I can't stop. It's good (and important) you see this and recognize this stuff!

    You're right, it IS fun!

  2. Ummm, do I have to confess things that are like yours? Because some of them (coughcubscoutscough) might not apply...oh well, I'll try (I wrote that poem just for you Pete)

    1: I am the EXACT same way. But I also passionately love unpopular things (and people) b/c I feel really bad that no one likes them.

    2: I actually really hate country music. It's the twang. I curse out loud when a country artists crosses over into pop radio and tricks me. I blame Buddy Hershberger. The boy I "dated" from church camp when I was 10. He broke up with me in a letter using George Strait lyrics. My battered heart just never recovered

    3: I was in Camp Fire and I liked it ok. It was just another place to spend time and have fun. I won the swim test contest every summer at Misty Meadows b/c I was a kick ass swimmer.

    4:I am most comfortable only in my underwear, panties specifically. If I have people at my house I start to resent having clothes on. But I don't collect it like some people coughjakecough. I think it's more that I don't like wearing the clothes more so than wanting to always be in underware.

    5: I want to quit my job and work in ministry full time. I told my pastor the other day. I'm attending a small group with him and some others about learning about ministry as a vocation. I'm completely terrified.

    6: Who doesn't like to do this? But I only do it vocally. Inside, in my heart and head I blame myself. For everything. I lived until just recently terrified of every conversation with every person that I was about to be chastized for something. I still have to remind myself that I haven't done anything wrong. I'm also learning that I don't have to let people talk to me anyway they want, that I get to dictate the way I'm treated if I'm just brave enough to speak up.

    7: This is creepy, please do not ever watch me sleep. I realize I'm the wrong gender but I will most likely punch you in the balls if I open my eyes and see you hovering over my bed :)

    8: I actually don't check guys out that much, or girls to be clear. I mean I notice that they're attractive, but I just don't "cruise" lol

    9: If I won the lotto I would hire an attorny and have him set up a blind trust and then accept this winnings. I would have the attorny, through the blind trust gift the money to people so they won't know it's from me and it won't be weird between us.
    I would never tell anyone that I won.
    Not that I've through this through or anything.
    Also, I have never actually played the lottery.

    10: I dislike most reality TV for real. The only kind I like is Biggest Loser and 18 Kids and Counting.

    11: I used to do the same thing. But the funny thing is that as God is softening my heart he's loosening up my tear ducts.

    12: I've become quite prudish in my old age. People don't believe me and think I'm lying. But I just can't hang as much as I used to. Which sometimes makes me sad.

    13: I can't remember the last time I had a drink, but I have some XX in my fridge waiting for me and I plan on having a beer or two tomorrow night.

  3. So, I swear I left a comment on this yesterday.. but it didn't show up, and I don't remember what I said. *le sigh*