Monday, November 24, 2008

Wow, I need to be more conscious about what blog I'm logged into when I put
up a post, I had this posted for a very short time on my other blog. That
could have thrust me into some very uncomfortable situations. Yikes!

So I've been catching up on a few blogs I found and was getting all worked up about the many protests out there about prop. 8 still going on and some of the commentaries out there where they refer to me as "these people", or telling me the only way to salvation is to wake up and leave my sinful lifestyle. But you know what? I stopped being angry after reading more and more and more because I've started to feel sorry for these people.

I started to feel sorry for them because they will never know some of the people I know, they will never be truly loving people, they will never get across the idea that God loves all. They are fighting the fight of the centuries, trying to spread the word of God, teaching love and respect, and yet they are turning their backs on an entire community of people, how can this be? How can you preach about love and acceptance and then tell a community of people that this excludes them, unless the change who they are?

Even after everything I've read, all the interviews I've watched, my heart goes out to these people. I hope that someday they are awakened on the idea of practice what you preach. I hope they find a way to open their hearts and their minds to accept everyone, to really understand God's love like many of the people I know understand it. I know that God loves me, he loves me because he made me who I am, just as much as he loves the next person.

The idea that these Christians would openly accept and love a convicted serial killer if he announced that he accepted Jesus, but would turn their backs on a homosexual that practices Christianity, is just beyond me. I can't follow it and I don't understand it. I really hope that these people start to wake up and understand that we are people too. Why would God go to so much trouble to making us all different if he wanted us to all be the same? (a stolen movie quote).

I have friends that believe all sorts of different things. I have friends that believe I am the work of Satan and will destroy life as we know it because I want to kiss other men. I have removed those people from my life. There are people who are accepting and loving and agree with the ideas I have, and those are great friends, there are friends I have that refuse to even talk about it, but don't treat me any different than they did be perfectly honest I am conflicted about these people. It's so hard to explain, but the more I think about it the more I think I can understand. While they may not agree with everything I do, or everything I say, they love me and wouldn't condemn me for these things. How can I argue with that?

I really don't know what I'm writing anymore, just gibberish I think, because my mind is turning to mush. lol. It happens when I over think things, or over analyze things.

I had lunch with a good friend of mine yesterday, I haven't seen this friend in several months now so it was good to catch up. I have considered coming out to this person for awhile now, but was never quite sure how it would go. I figured it would be o.k., she's a liberal but I wasn't sure about her husband. Well last night they showed me pictures of the wedding they flew to L.A. for, it was a lesbian wedding. How could they not be alright about it? lol. The conversation never really came around to bringing it up, so I didn't, but I know that next time we talk I can just slide it into the conversation and not worry about it.

I think I worry to much, perhaps that why I haven't been sleeping well at night for some time now. Maybe I'm worrying in my sleep and causing me lots of restless nights. Great, now I'm worried about worrying.

I'm quitting now, I swear.


  1. You know what would help you?

    Although last night when I was cleaning out the litter box in only my undies I realized I would have to actually wear clothes when you moved in....but I think I'm ok with the trade off.

  2. I don't normally disagree with her, but B's answer isn't quite right. You're going to run into these people no matter where you live. Not to be a party-pooper or anything, just keepin' it real.

    It's important for any Christian to seek God's face, and there you will find your answers, or the comfort and peace you need.

    Take the time to figure out YOUR relationship with God on YOUR terms. Use the questions, doubts and accusations as a catalyst to search for those answers. Someone else questioning your faith can serve to make it stronger.

    Isn't it great that, even though someone is trying to tear you down and keep you from God's loving embrace, it has the exact opposite effect?

    By the more careful with your blogger identity. I have a theory about that, but this is already long enough... maybe another time.

  3. Ooooh. I wanna post my theory... just do it. If you posted it by accident and "accidentally" came out to people it might be easier. I don't know. I don't plan on announcing my own sexual issues to the world. Then again, I've never understood the need for guys who like guys to announce it. Like, girls who like guys don't have to announce it, so why do you? I hope that makes sense and doesn't sound offensive. I don't mean it in an offensive way, but my brain is fried from worrying so much lately that I don't know if I make sense.
    I just mean that life isn't fair and people are stupid no matter where you live. :-)

    Oh, and I worry about worrying too. I have been worrying in my sleep all week. Stupid males! ... Why do we like them again??? :-)