Thursday, November 13, 2008

I'm losing my mind.

You know, my body has been so tired and has been trying to speak to me about my schedule, but I haven't been listening. I told it to quit whining and get over it, it's been like this for three years, and it's not changing in the near future. But I started to watch myself, time myself and just start watching things that have changed over the last six months or so. And you know what I realized? My friends need jobs.

I love them all so dearly, and while I am so happy I've created a comfortable environment for everyone, it is seriously effecting my working time. So I've noticed in the last two weeks since the time change really, that I have been inundated by people all day, so much to the point I'm not getting anything accomplished.

Today it started at 8:30am, R came in to tell me about a truck and stuck around and visited. By 9:30am R left and G walked in not more than minute later to talk and visit. By 10:30am G was leaving and and M&J came in, I haven't seen J in awhile so I didn't mind that so much. About 11 or so they headed off to my uncles office and I finally got t work on my kitchen for a short bit before I got busy with lunch customers. Well by then E showed up to have lunch and chatted for awhile, and by 1pm A showed up. I get frustrated talking to A so every minute felt like 10, but while I was talking to A, S showed up. By the time I shooed away A, I went to talk to S. By the time S left G and M showed up, and then were joined by R again. This took us until about 3:30 when my dad showed up, and the repair guy for a piece of equipment that is not working right. This takes us to 5pm. When I started to get my after work rush. It's finally 6pm and I've finally chased them all out, and yet I feel someone will be back by 6:30pm. My entire day, just gone. I tried and tried to get stuff done while they were here, but my kitchen never got finished, but I did manage to get 2 weeks worth of orders put away. That's how I finally got rid of A.

I do love these people, but how do I tell them to leave me alone without drama and hurt feelings? Each one tells me the same thing...take a break and visit with me. I mean, hello? I just got off of break not more than a minute ago! It's just been such a whirlwind of people and activity since the time change that things in the business just seem to be falling apart! I would do the bookwork at night, but I usually have to work, or am getting called to help someone out. I just don't know how to say no.

The other thing that has happened is I found I can no longer be logged into my computer while my brother is here, and really, anyone else. They use the computer and close out windows shutting down things I was in the middle of, or in my brother's case, going through my emails! I hate having to be so private and protective, maybe if I hadn't caught him and flipped out on him, maybe he would have discovered everything he didn't want to know about me, and then coming out to him would be easy, because I have conversations with people via email that he wouldn't want to read. And there are things that he just shouldn't read. This is more than my business, this is my home! I'm all about comfortable but when it comes to going through my stuff and reading personal things, I get furious.

It made me wonder, does everyone feel this way? Doesn't everyone have things in their email that doesn't need to be public knowledge? Or have I lived this secret life so long that I just assume it's how everyone lives? Many of my friends couldn't care less if I read their email, I don't because why? "Do unto others as you would have done unto you" It's how I try to live. If one of my friends is still logged into their email when I get back to my computer, I immediately log them out, I just couldn't go through their stuff. I only wish the same courtesy would be offered to myself.

Maybe I'm just too wound up, maybe I'm just too protective, and maybe I'm just used to having to hide parts of me from the world. Maybe if I was more transparent it wouldn't bother me as much, but I'm a firm believer that everyone should have a private place. I never go into bedrooms, I feel awkward if it's not mine, it's a private place. You should be able to have dirty clothes thrown on the dresser if you want, or a trashy novel laying out if you want, it's your personal space. I guess that's why I have a hard time sharing a room with anyone, there is no private or personal space.

It's going to be a major problem if I ever find anyone to live with and share my life with, but then again, maybe it will be o.k. Maybe I'll be able to be totally transparent with the guy and not have to worry about it, but it's so hard to be me and imagine that. It's hard for me to imagine a life where there are no life altering secrets involved, and maybe that's part of my trust issues. I've been carrying around this secret for so long I think everyone has some deep life altering secret.

Wow, I'm so all over the place right now! And just to prove my point, look earlier when I said someone would be here by 6:30pm, without fail as I was typing this at 6:29pm G,M &R all walked in. But that's o.k because I'm dead the last hour and I typically am not working real hard at the end of the day.

But oh well, such is my life, I either learn to adjust and make the change or I quit bitching. lol.

I'm good, I really am. :)


  1. First of all, say it with me: NO! Now say it again: NO! It took me several years to learn to say NO! to people and I was bogged down with so much overlapping work that, even though I love my jobs, I was just exhausted and wanted nothing more than a day of peace!

    As for the brother and the snooping -it's just that. He's probably found something and now he's trying to find out for certain. ... Is this the work computer or the home computer? I would maybe suggest using the work computer for ONLY work related things and then the home one for home things. That's probably easier said than done, though. I know if I were in your position, I'd have a deadbolt lock on all the doors going to my HOME, my personal space. No one would be entering without ASKING my permission FIRST. And by the way, I don't want your brother reading your emails either! I find emails to be quite personal and I know what *I* put into them and don't want anyone else reading. I write it to YOU not your brother. So it's a respect issue on BOTH sides. He needs to respect you and the people sending you emails.

    Wow, this is a long comment. I should have just emailed you. :-)

  2. *AHEM*


    It sucks at first, but it's so worth it in the end. Also, tell those lazy asses that come visit you that if they want to chat with you while you're working then they're more then welcome to trail after you and HELP or they can trail after you and just talk. Whichever they way, but you will be working so they should do whatever makes them comfortable. Up to and including getting the eff out.

    Finally, I'm telling you the best solution to getting people to stop snooping is just by letting them see things they don't want to see. That's why I kept sending you such filthy im's yesterday.
    Maybe if you horrify them with talk of making sweet sweet love all day long and cooking naked they would puke and then STOP snooping LOL

  3. I like her. She's right. :-)