In my 31 years of life, 28 1/2 of those being single, I watch couples, I watch interactions between people, and I observe. I observe so many things, I can usually tell when a couple is fighting, but not wanting to people to know, I know when the marriage is in trouble, or when the relationship is on the rocks, I can see happiness, and I can sense love. Maybe I've been fooling myself over these past many years as an adult, but I have yet to be proven wrong with my intuition. I may not be able to give love advice, but I feel I can certainly tell when things are as they should be, or when things aren't as they seem.
What I wanted to post about tonight is the people I've been encountering lately. Confident couples. Couples so secure and confident in who they are and who they know the other to be that there is no mystery, there is nothing but love. Yes, they have their squables, what human doesn't have a squable. What I admire most is the lack of back stabbing, they don't say anything to me they wouldn't say infront of each other, I find that so admirable. Each so confident in who they are, it's a love me or leave me situation. When two people can do that, I find it so comforting.
I often find myself sitting back and wondering what that's like. To be who you are, confident in the person you are, that you are free to be everything you are with someone, and being loved for it. And to know that the person you share a bed with is so confident in who they are that there are no trust issues, there is no jealousy, there is no worry. I find it so hopeful. I never used to until recently when I started paying attention to how many of these people I know. What I find amazing is they make the best friends as well.
I'm falling in love with confidence, and I wonder how can I get some of that? I find myself constantly second guessing everything I am and everything I do. I find myself paranoid constantly if I'm talking to much, am I revealing too much, have I over stayed my welcome, am I talking enough, are the questions I ask smart enough, am I respectful enough, am I doing my share? I am constantly questioning everything in my head, I don't boast because I'm not even confident in my own abilities to even brag about anything. To even take credit for something I've done, or even take a compliment on a job well done.
I sat there tonight watching this interaction between two people, he wasn't jealous that I spent the afternoon alone with his wife, he was confident that she loved him. She didn't flip out when he wanted to take me for a spin in his new car, because she's confident enough to know that he would never bad mouth her to anyone but her.
So it may beg the question, but is confidence the key to a successful relationship? Can two people be truely happy without it? If we were all a little more confident in who we were and what we were capable of, would life be that much better? Would the 31 year old single guy find himself less single? I think so. I'm not saying single is bad because it's in this time I have observed good relationships, bad relationships and I sit observing with my invisible pencil and pad taking notes on the does and don'ts of love and more importantly I'm learning more about myself, good bad and indifferent, and trying to sort it out to change what I want to change and become confident in the things I won't.