I just want to appologize for the last few posts, I posted after long days and every seems more dramatic at night. By the next morning I'm like "whatever, I'm fine" ;)
The whole Ian thing, it really only affects me when I'm around him, after we part ways I'm fine. I know nothing will ever happen, and that's fine, he's straight, it's o.k. not every body can be perfect. lol.
As far as Joe, that's fine too. I could totally see a lack of self esteem in his eyes, in fact many times when I look at him I see myself. That too will prove to go no where, and I'm really o.k. I guess it's more just testing out my flirting technique's and realizing I'm not the social reject I once thought, a little socially slow maybe. lol.
I just get more and more dramatic in the evenings, I always have. By the time I sleep on it and wake up I can typically put things into perspective. I wouldn't allow myself to post at night, but sometimes it's good and really it's the best time I have to get a thought out of my head uninterrupted.
I really couldn't see myself going out with anyone around here anyway, always nervous someone would see, or someone would say something before I told my parents, it's just not a good thing. I'm pretty sure my brother has figured things out this year, and I'm 90% sure my sister has known for a long time, but I'm still not ready to tell them myself, someday, but not today.
I get into moods, sometimes it's loneliness, sometimes it's hormones, and sometimes it's because the closet is so confining at times. It's true that once you open the door a little bit, it gets more difficult to close it again, it becomes very claustrophobic. I'm dealing with it, and really I have too much on my plate at the moment to take care of before I start adding someone else in the mix. Until the day comes I'll just practice up on getting comfortable with myself and my shameless flirting with cute boys. lol.
I do appreciate the thoughts, the worries, the comments (I LOVE the comments from you all...aka I'm a comment whore), and all the uplifting words, but I'm o.k., I really am. :)
I'm a survivor. No, not like that crappy realty show with the cute host, but a real survivor. Whatever gets thrown at me, God always helps me wade through it and come out on the other side just fine, sometimes better than before I started. :)
That's all. :) Thanks everyone!!