Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Sorry folks!

I just want to appologize for the last few posts, I posted after long days and every seems more dramatic at night. By the next morning I'm like "whatever, I'm fine" ;)

The whole Ian thing, it really only affects me when I'm around him, after we part ways I'm fine. I know nothing will ever happen, and that's fine, he's straight, it's o.k. not every body can be perfect. lol.

As far as Joe, that's fine too. I could totally see a lack of self esteem in his eyes, in fact many times when I look at him I see myself. That too will prove to go no where, and I'm really o.k. I guess it's more just testing out my flirting technique's and realizing I'm not the social reject I once thought, a little socially slow maybe. lol.

I just get more and more dramatic in the evenings, I always have. By the time I sleep on it and wake up I can typically put things into perspective. I wouldn't allow myself to post at night, but sometimes it's good and really it's the best time I have to get a thought out of my head uninterrupted.

I really couldn't see myself going out with anyone around here anyway, always nervous someone would see, or someone would say something before I told my parents, it's just not a good thing. I'm pretty sure my brother has figured things out this year, and I'm 90% sure my sister has known for a long time, but I'm still not ready to tell them myself, someday, but not today.

I get into moods, sometimes it's loneliness, sometimes it's hormones, and sometimes it's because the closet is so confining at times. It's true that once you open the door a little bit, it gets more difficult to close it again, it becomes very claustrophobic. I'm dealing with it, and really I have too much on my plate at the moment to take care of before I start adding someone else in the mix. Until the day comes I'll just practice up on getting comfortable with myself and my shameless flirting with cute boys. lol.

I do appreciate the thoughts, the worries, the comments (I LOVE the comments from you all...aka I'm a comment whore), and all the uplifting words, but I'm o.k., I really am. :)

I'm a survivor. No, not like that crappy realty show with the cute host, but a real survivor. Whatever gets thrown at me, God always helps me wade through it and come out on the other side just fine, sometimes better than before I started. :)

That's all. :) Thanks everyone!!

1 comment:

  1. I think you might be surprised about how ready you are to date, sir. Much like our mutual friends blogs about waiting to get our life in order before we commit to God, we find ourselves in a relationship at seemingly inconvenient times.

    It's usually when we give up and "swear off" dating and relationships that we find ourselves in one.

    I'll keep reading either way.

    *smile*

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