You may have to pardon my randomness in this blog as it has been building in me over the last few days, so much to say and I had so little time. Since business is painfully slow today I'm going to be productive, or anti productive with my time (depending on how you look at it) and finally write as much as I can remember. So here we go....
O.K. so christmas eve was a good day at the store, better than I was expecting but nothing to do cartwheels over, but I was happy. I had started to stress throughout the day about getting my shopping done. I had simplified the list so I knew Wal-Mart would have what I wanted, I knew where to find it and was pumped and ready to fight the crowd. Six o'clock rolled around and I was off, I drove straight to Wal-Mart to do my late single busy man christmas shopping, and what do I find when I arrive? The store is closed. They too closed at 6 o'clock for the holidays. WTF? Where does a single man do his christmas shopping on Christmas Eve if even Wal-Mart is closed?
So I sat in the parking lot doing alot of swearing and regretting not doing it at 1am the night before like I should have and thinking where else could I get to and back in an hour before I had to go to mom and dad's.... hmmm....So I thought I would try the next big town over, about twenty minutes, they were bigger and had better stores. So I drive the twenty minutes and make it to K-mart. YES! They are open until midnight!!! Woot! Christmas has been saved!!! I find my parking space amongst the nearly 1000 cars it felt like and ran inside. Marathon shopping was on my mind. I race to the electronics and wham! nothing I need, nothing I could even attempt to pass off as thoughtful. Damn. Next item.....nothing....Final item.....nothing. WTF??? I was getting pissy. So I race around trying to find something thoughtful, found somethings, but wrong size, found some other things wrong colors, etc... I was now really mad. I was hungry, I was cold, I was in a rush.
So in defeat I drove to mom and dad's and told the story about the christmas of print outs that was going to be. They tried to make me feel better but I only got more and more bitter about my work schedule as time went on. I ran home to get ready for church, trying to let it go so I could enjoy the service I most look forward to in the year. The candlelight service at 11pm. There is just something so magical about it. I was a little fearful as I have been having religion anxiety as of late for reasons I can't even begin to get into right now, so I was hoping this night would be different. I was still hungry and really tired. But I made it to church, ended up helping to usher (my first time) and truely enjoyed the service, it was just as magical as it ever was. I felt the spirit of christmas, the shopping troubles melted away and I was drawn into the whole scene. The special music, all the people from out of town, I loved it all. That night I went home and was up until 3 am wrapping gifts, printing out pictures and such and then finally passed out after a good ole jack and coke. Yumm!
The next morning I woke up late, rushed to get ready and went back to church for Christmas Day service. Felt really good, I was awake and felt alive. Christmas later with the family was a great day. I got a bit cranky trying to set up my dad's new laptop, but I soon got over it and was nearly drifting off to a good christmas nap when we got the call my cousin's were in town from Indy. So we run over to grandma's and spend a wonderful time with my cousins.
I have many, many, many cousins who I love dearly, but there are two in particular. The three of us grew up together. Me, Jason and Andy (in age order) We are all within a year of eachother age wise so at every family gathering we were together. Well the ones that Jason was at as he was living in Jersey. But regardless we were always together. So we are standing together in the kitchen talking and someone takes note that it has been years since the three of us have been together at the same time at the same place, so they decide to photograph the moment. Nice way to ruin a conversation. ; ) So anyway, there I stand, the oldest of the three. Andy standing next to his wife and new baby, and Jason on the other side of me with his new wife.
Here I am, feeling more alone and more pitiful by the moment. Feeling more single than I ever have in my entire life. It just crushed my night. So in true myself fashion I made the joke, "O.k. everyone laugh at the fat single guy in the middle" which was followed by the pitiful "Awww...." Yeah, not quite the laugh I was hoping for. Now my jokes are even pittiful. But it was around then I realized I had to leave to get to job #3 and clean. So I took my leave feeling sad and depressed, but so happy we all got to see eachother, I just tried to take comfort in that.
I get to the Legion and the party is still going on so I go home and moved some furniture (don't ask me where the motivation came from) and set up my new toys, my new DVD player and home theater system (don't get too excited, I only wanted the very small inexpensive one) but took my aggresions out on cleaning and organizing. I felt good and went to clean, got home and in bed around 2 am. yeah, seriously? Can my schedule get any worse? I'm feeling tired just looking at that number!
Since then it's been same old same old. Store, work, work. yeah, it's a blast. Yesterday I was feeling nostalgic about college life after talking to Judith about some good times I had and sent an email to my friend L who I hadn't talked to in nearly a year. It was short and funny just to let her know I was thinking about her. Then Tony calls and says he's going to be around this weekend and wanted to know if I was up for a visit! I was hel# yeah foshizle! So Saturday my old roommate from college will be visiting, which is very exciting. I haven't talked to him much in the last year as our schedules (mine) is not very condusive to long telephone conversations to catch up on what we've been doing. I can't wait.
So today my friend Faith shows up and I got to catch up with her some while she was here, it wsa prettles day so time is kind of tight. But we had a good visit. I kept thinking how great it was to see people from forever ago and catch up. Well I'm sitting down at my desk (did I mention how bad business has been today?) and my phone rings. Turns out it is L from Michigan! She got my message and decided it was time to visit me! She's not busy until the 12th. so she had time to finally come down and see me. Woot!! So I've been reliving all these wonderful memories and I can't wait to see her!! This christmas has been good for catching up with old friends. I'm strarting to miss the rest of my friends as well! Damn work schedule.
So phew! There we go, that's the minute to minute update. Now some things rattling around in my brain:
In many conversations of recent with Judith I have been thinking more and more. About what you may ask? I'm not sure. Yeah, it's one of those. We have been discussing helping others, how some feel they are called to help more needy people than others are. We discussed the cynicalness of people when seeing a needy person on the street and the state of affairs we are all in, so I just start thinking, am I helping enough? Am I pushing myself to help more people? Am I helping anyone at all? Or am I so wrapped up in my selfish life that I don't make time to help others. I was very confused, but throughout the conversations I've been realizing my purpose of helping others is to listen. God has created in me a great listener. I've heard it all, and someday I'm going to write a book. Watch out!! I feel I'm here to be an ear, to be a shoulder and let people vent or just talk out loud to sort things out. I'm not one for great advice, anyone who knows me will tell you that.
But I listen like a champ. I ask good questions and help people without even knowing it (or maybe I do know it...hmmm.....) But maybe that's what I'm supposed to be doing. Maybe I am a comforting soul to open up to. Many people open up to me without ever realizing what they are saying until they are done. I should have been a psyciatrist, I'd be making a TON more money and be able to help people financially as well. ; )
So anyway, there have been alot of thoughts running through my head, people, things, situations, it's been crazy. There hasn't been a dull moment in awhile, but honestly I'm ready for a bit of a dull moment. Not alot, just a small one to get my head to turn off for awhile. I'm sure I have forgotten some things I wanted to say, but for now that will be all.