Now keep in mind as you read this post, I do not keep up as much anymore on the news or names or such.
I've been reading recently about the senator that has a "gay" past and more and more men are coming forward saying they've been "hit on" by the senator. And yet the conservatives republicans are denying it like crazy, getting vicous at times. What I find hard to hear is the part of the republicans denying being gay. Does the republican party not acknolwedge their own Log Cabin party? A series of Gay republicans? How could a party come out against a portion of their own? When the same scenario went down in New Jersey he came out, he was upset, but he didn't seem ashamed. I guess I'm not seeing the difference.
How can I be comfortable being who I am when my own political party says I'm not a citizen, I don't deserve the same rights and my religion tells me I'm going to hell? I'm very confused on how people are supposed to live their lives, be who they really are when everyone tells them they are dirty, dirty gays. What the hell is up with that? They welcome the common hooker to vote for them, because she's voting repulubican and getting paid for "clean" sex? What the hell is all I have to say. They will turn away the multi-million dollar gay business owner because he's gay? I don't understand.
I don't judge people because they are straight, I do not judge people if they are gay, I try my best not to judge people at all. THat's not my job. How is that most people feel so freely about judging everyone else. My favorite is the wife abusing imbezlor laying down moral law about how to act as a human being. This bigot stood there and talked about how evil and disgusting gay people are and yet he's been convicted of domestic violence 6 times in three years and is being investigated from imbezling from his own company. You're going to stand there and judge MY morals???? HA!
I have to let it go. People have been judging me based on apperance for as long as I've been alive, what makes this so different? It's because much like the weight issue people will pass judgements based on who I'm dating rather than who I am. I'm not sure why it bothers me, it all comes down to credibility because I've seen it all before. He can't be trusted because he sleeps with men. Well let me tell you, I haven't slept with me, well at least not yet, but I know I'm gay. I've slept with women, does that make me more trust worthy? The horrible eye gouging sex I've had with women somehow make me more credible?
What a backwards freakin world. I get so upset about it and I don't even have the time to deal with it. I just need to get some of this passion out of my head, to clear my mind of these toxins invading my mind. Not that being gay is the toxin, it's the constant desire to enjoy the flesh. The constant need to slide up to the guy I'm standing next to, and kiss him. To feel his flesh and not feel ashamed of what I'm feeling. To not feel like I'm being judged because I want to feel the firmness of his butt, to feel my lips against his. I guess when I stop judging myself for those feelings I'm feel better about going forward with it all. I'm my own worse enemy. I just want to be happy. To let go of my normal life and lose myself in some passion for just a bit, to release those endorphans in my mind and find that high where everything feels right.