Freedom comes from Confinement

I was at Thanksgiving last night talking to my cousin and listening to him tell me about how he and his wife decided one night that they had enough of debt and made a plan. In less than a year they have managed to pay everything off. They managed to pay off both student loans in less a year....less.than.a.year. How is that possible? I have been hearing more and more stories about people paying down their debt so fast, all I know is that it takes discipline. I'm really curious how this all works. I look everyday at the tower that is my bills and wonder how I can pay these down. I don't make minimum payments except when it comes to the mortgage and commercial loan I have, and there are monthly bills that don't get paid down just paid off every month like utilities, but how do I pay down my student loans? I couldn't even afford the minimum payments and have had to take out a deferment again for another 10 months. Other than that I have a credit card for the business ...

Just wanted to take a moment and wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving!!! Take a moment to remember what it is you're thankful for this year. And then watch the video and laugh. Have a great day everyone!

I just wanted to wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving! This year I'm thankful I'm still in business, it's been a better year, but still rough. I'm looking forward to find out where I'll be this time next year. I'm also thankful for friends. This past year I've lost a few more, well forced out is more like it. But I've really learned what real friends are and how I should be treated, and how I should treat others. In real life and on the internet, I have made some wonderful friends this year, and I'm thankful for you all. I'm thankful for my family. We've gone through some rough patches this year with each other, but we are stronger for it. I love them all. I'm thankful for the election being over. Just glad it's done, now we can move on to fixing what's wrong. It may sound corny, but I'm thankful for this blog. This blog has helped me this year sort through things and get feedback on some stuff as well. It's been quite a se...

I've been considering not decorating my house this year. Each year seems to be less and less because of the hassle that is my house. In order to put my tree up this year it will require moving my computer and a couple of other pieces of furniture out of my living room and into the storage room that is my dining room. I've been thinking I should take all of my decorations and really do up the store this year, it is where I spend a majority of my time anyway. I just don't know what it will be like to not sit by the light of the Christmas tree at night at my house, but then again I'm not going to have a lot of time to sit by the tree again this year, so will it really matter? I could really concentrate on the store then, I can put together something really nice for a change in there. Yes, I think that's what I'm going to do, no one sees it in my house anyway. Thanks for helping me decide.

1. How to say no. This includes employers as well as coworkers. 2. Stop taking everything so damn personally. The entire world is not about me, sometimes it's about other people.....sometimes. 3. Not every friend I've had for years is still worth the time or effort. Being a friend of convenience is not something I care to be. 4. number 3 repeated because it's worth repeating over and over. 5. When making dishes, be sure to have all the ingredients on hand. 6. Getting more sleep would be valuable to my mind, body and soul. 7. Friends aren't always going to get along, and the ones that can't play nice aren't really your friends. 8. When planning something, always expect the unexpected. 9. Doing things out of guilt never turns out good. 10. I can't save the world, and I can't always fix everything. 11. I shouldn't rely so much on lists.

***************************************************************************** Wow, I need to be more conscious about what blog I'm logged into when I put up a post, I had this posted for a very short time on my other blog. That could have thrust me into some very uncomfortable situations. Yikes! ***************************************************************************** So I've been catching up on a few blogs I found and was getting all worked up about the many protests out there about prop. 8 still going on and some of the commentaries out there where they refer to me as "these people", or telling me the only way to salvation is to wake up and leave my sinful lifestyle. But you know what? I stopped being angry after reading more and more and more because I've started to feel sorry for these people. I started to feel sorry for them because they will never know some of the people I know, they will never be truly loving people, they will never get across the idea ...

In my 31 years of life, 28 1/2 of those being single, I watch couples, I watch interactions between people, and I observe. I observe so many things, I can usually tell when a couple is fighting, but not wanting to people to know, I know when the marriage is in trouble, or when the relationship is on the rocks, I can see happiness, and I can sense love. Maybe I've been fooling myself over these past many years as an adult, but I have yet to be proven wrong with my intuition. I may not be able to give love advice, but I feel I can certainly tell when things are as they should be, or when things aren't as they seem. What I wanted to post about tonight is the people I've been encountering lately. Confident couples. Couples so secure and confident in who they are and who they know the other to be that there is no mystery, there is nothing but love. Yes, they have their squables, what human doesn't have a squable. What I admire most is the lack of back stabbing, they ...

I just watched this and really listened to the speech and really like it. Enough that I'm trying to post another video, and that ain't easy. O.K. maybe it was easier than I thought. lol.

Well it's been awhile since I've done some updates, so here we go! The front portion of the roof has not been started yet. The weather has put a temporary stop to that, now I have to go and reprice everything and see what can get done this year, I'm hoping to still squeeze everything in, but it will depend on the help I get. The part of the roof that I had rebuilt is wonderful, huge rainstorms last week and for the first time in 25 years, the grocery department was dry as a bone. I was so happy I considered doing a cart wheel, but I remembered I can't do those, so I didn't. lol. Fiddler on the roof was fantastic! The orchestra wasn't all that great, but the kids did an amazing job. How said that I'm calling 21 year olds kids. I just love Fiddler on the roof, I mean you get to watch this jewish family start to transition and think differently. In one of the last scenes when daughter #3 comes back to say good bye to Tevia and the family even though they h...

I just want to appologize for the last few posts, I posted after long days and every seems more dramatic at night. By the next morning I'm like "whatever, I'm fine" ;) The whole Ian thing, it really only affects me when I'm around him, after we part ways I'm fine. I know nothing will ever happen, and that's fine, he's straight, it's o.k. not every body can be perfect. lol. As far as Joe, that's fine too. I could totally see a lack of self esteem in his eyes, in fact many times when I look at him I see myself. That too will prove to go no where, and I'm really o.k. I guess it's more just testing out my flirting technique's and realizing I'm not the social reject I once thought, a little socially slow maybe. lol. I just get more and more dramatic in the evenings, I always have. By the time I sleep on it and wake up I can typically put things into perspective. I wouldn't allow myself to post at night, but sometimes it's g...

I saw him tonight. I was flooded with emotions. He's still cute, in a rugged way now with his mountain man beard. I nearly shook him out of my head, but that smile, those eyes, they drew me back. Then he tells me he's coming back to work. I'm excited and yet I know what will happen, my obsession will return in full force. The hug sealed the deal. I've missed him. Joe came in the store today for the first time ever. Flirted again and learned more about him. We'd make such a good couple. lol. I need to get out of here.

O.K. so last night I met Joe. Joe is a really nice guy, stocky build, but cute as all get out. The gaydar was flying off the handle and for once I flirted. Not obvious in your face flirting, but enough that a certain someone made a comment about it, but not enough for the oblivious straight guys to notice, and nothing, no reaction, nothing. Am I a bad flirt? Was he not interested, or was he just oblivious to it as well? There was time to make a comment away from heteroworld, time to tell me to back off or not interested, or something. I realize it's not the most convenient place to flirt or to respond, but I always instantly revert back to my stand by "he's not interested, I'm ugly, I'm too fat, blah blah blah" Or am I oblivious to the flirting, could he have been flirting with me and I didn't notice? I am also pretty oblivious to it. But I think the other certain someone with me would have commented on it. He was just so cute, caring and funny. He had a s...

I just can't understand why people don't understand how badly they disrespect others when they have been asked countless times not to do something, and then just do it anyway, time after time again. How many times must you be told? Are they really disrespecting me or do they just not care? Or do they just not think? I just wish they could live in my shoes for ONE day, just once to deal with the problems that their disrespect causes me, and deal with thinking of the potential HUGE financial difficulty they could cause me. All in the name of tobbaco? I mean really, I'm a smoker, I understand the need. But you can't just light up where ever and when ever you feel like it. Not when you're here, not when you're INSIDE my building that already has a warning against it. One complaint and it's a $500 fine, who's going to pay it? Your nicotine fit is really not worth it to me. Get your ass outside, or in the areas I've told you about thousands upon thous...

I'm amazed how many times how quickly I confuse the two. I get so engrossed on how someone looks, and they are not always the GQ type, many times it's a guy I know that I become so fixated on the qualities. The humor, the sensitivity, and just the overall sense of his character, and I find myself longing for more. For a kiss, to run my fingers through his hair, to rub his shoulders, to be next to him. I seem to commonly make the mistake, or do I? I guess never really feeling the love I think I know just makes it confusing. From 25 feet tonight I watched him, I've watched him for some time now, he's such a good person, and I want to treat him like he deserves to be treated. But damn, they are always straight. Why do I constantly do this to myself? The other thing I wondered about tonight? Why is it that musicals and powerful music brings tears to my eyes? A good marching band show could have me in tears if I let it, a great musical will do the same thing, a symphon...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gRdfX7ut8gw Tonight I get to go see a couple members of my family perform Fiddler on the Roof at Defiance College. I'm just so excited, I haven't seen Fiddler on the Roof in quite sometime and ranks pretty high on my favorite musicals list. I haven't gotten to see much in a while, so I'm pretty excited to go. More on all that later. :)

You know, my body has been so tired and has been trying to speak to me about my schedule, but I haven't been listening. I told it to quit whining and get over it, it's been like this for three years, and it's not changing in the near future. But I started to watch myself, time myself and just start watching things that have changed over the last six months or so. And you know what I realized? My friends need jobs. I love them all so dearly, and while I am so happy I've created a comfortable environment for everyone, it is seriously effecting my working time. So I've noticed in the last two weeks since the time change really, that I have been inundated by people all day, so much to the point I'm not getting anything accomplished. Today it started at 8:30am, R came in to tell me about a truck and stuck around and visited. By 9:30am R left and G walked in not more than minute later to talk and visit. By 10:30am G was leaving and and M&J came in, I haven't s...

The video I posted isn't working I guess, so I'll post two links that are worth the watch. One funny yet true, the other very moving. moving : funny : edit: When I say the funny one is true, I should point out that I'm referring to the last exchange between the two of them. Dan had some really great things to say.

Oh Mr. Winter, so we are going to cross paths again, let me say I'm less than thrilled. While you have many good qualities, I do not have the patience for you. I loath what you do to me and how you treat me. I am going to create a pro and con list to see if you and I are actually compatible. If I find we are not, I will have to cut all ties with you, and will continue loathing you as I have in previous years. Pro: my electric bill is cut in 1/2 because my coolers enjoy your presence and they don't have to work nearly as hard to keep my beer and products cold. Con: my gas bill is higher and the 5 furnaces run all the time because you're bitterness is too much to take and I'm constantly shivering otherwise. Pro: it's so nice to curl up on a snowy day and enjoy a good movie, or a hot cup of coffee and a good book and watch how peaceful outside is. Con: I have so little time to do this so I end up having to go outside and shovel the bright whiteness off of my parkin...

Jake called attention to the hot boy on the new banner that I finally took the time to put together, it's a personal picture I took of a man named Rich. I was in Waikiki beach for vacation a few years ago, staying right on the beach. Behind the string of hotels is a boardwalk running along the ocean that leads out into a public parking lot and public beach (technically all beaches in Hawaii are public). I took a stroll one afternoon just checking out the hotels and the hotties on the beach and just taking in the great ocean air, the sun was shinning, and who am I kidding, it was hot as anything! I get down past the hotels and start walking the beach at the more public area and see a little spot up on the parking lot that would be a great spot to get a picture of Diamond Head across the water, so I head up there. Once on the parking lot I nearly got side swiped by a guy on a bike, he maintained control and stopped his bike and looked back at me and apologized. Well at least I th...

So Proposition 8 was passed in California, Proposition 2 in Florida passed, as well as an adoption ban in Arkansas was passed with this past election. What does this all mean? While it does not directly affect me as they are in different states, there are currently 26 states with similar statutes in place. It makes me sit back and wonder, what's next? What is everyone so afraid of? That two people who love each other might actually be happy? That somehow if the gay couple that lives down the street were to get married it would make their own heterosexual marriage weaker? I've heard a lot of arguments for this. The biggest one I've heard over the last two years or so is that if every gay couple were to be allowed to get insurance benefits, it would cost a fortune. But if these people were straight and married, their family plans wouldn't cost as much? If this is the case I would suggest a lesbian couple get together with a gay male couple, marry each other, liv...

I realize Jake is ready to move on, but I need to take a moment since I'm going to bed and don't have time to elaborate, to mention that proposition 8 in California was defeated. It's a slap in the face of gay rights and sets a precedent in this country for states to place gay men and women on a secondary citizen list. I'm not sure if I'll get back to get into this or not, but it's not a good sign for the future.

So last night at work I realized why I don’t like that place, it’s the constant competition. If it were competition with their jobs I would be o.k. with that, in fact I would encourage it. But it seems to be the younger generation wants to compete on who the biggest bad ass is, or who the biggest drunk, or slut is. I can’t understand this constant need to one up each other in the most inept ways, and please stop with all the over dramatic statements. “Oh, I have to go home because I have a migraine” No, I’m sorry, if you had a migraine you would be crying with the lights and sounds that are in there, you would not be jamming to death metal and banging your head around. You sir, are just a jackass. I listened for an hour last night of them telling stories about drinking, one of the new kids listed off about 40 liquors (repeating more than half of them over and over) and how he drank a bottle of each and blacked out for a week. I just laughed, if you had that much to drink; y...

I was dressed warm, layer upon layer, the engine roaring between my legs, mud flying everywhere, soaring, soaring through the air at a mere 35 miles an hour. One does not realize just how fast 35 miles an hour can be when you're driving in a car, but on this 4 wheeler, open to the air, nothing between you and nature, 35 miles an hour can be so fast. Leaping from bump to bump, sliding around the corners, flying through the forest, sloshing water out of your path, my heart beating fast, my laughing inside of the helmet sounding as loud as the engine outside of my helmet, hearing the water splash away and feeling the mud coating my legs, through three layers of clothes, people watching with thumbs up and laughing and cheering loudly. There is no other world, there are no other sounds, there are no worries, there are no regrets, there are no thoughts, other than one single moment, the moment of nothing but life. The feeling of nothing but pure excitement, thrill, and adventure. Tod...

So today I met with the contractor that is going to be rebuilding my roof, he’s a nice guy, the father of a friend, a good guy. He brought with him his lead carpenter….I was reminded of my love of contractors. Oh.My. I couldn’t stop starring, luckily I was on the ground and he was on the roof, so I don’t think anyone noticed. He was so fine. I just keep thinking I want really hot weather so he takes that dang shirt off. I love the ruggedness of a good contractor. The well defined arms from lifting, the delicious chest and leg muscles, and the finely sculpted hind end. Most of them are truly a work of art. I can only hope I get ample opportunity to watch him work next week. Hubba freakin hubba. I’m suffering from quite a battle with M.O.T.M. lately (Men on the mind). I really need to get out more. It’s not always the sculpted types I drool over, I find my tastes vary quite a bit from man to man. Each one having a different quality I seem to swoon over, e...