The notice I find is that he's actually able to verbalize/ put into words the way I feel somedays. It's very strange to me as I read these other blogs how as I read them I'm shaking my head, or thinking "That's exactly how I feel and I couldn't have said it that way" I wonder through blogger.com thinking what am I doing writing a blog? There are so many good blogs out there. They have substance, they use great vocabulary, they are about things that mean something, they all have such deep thoughts in them, and I wonder when in the hell will I be able to come up with that stuff?
Is it that my mind is just too simple? Is it the lack of conversational skills? Is it a lack of education (although I have a student loan bill that begs to differ on that one) I just feel so inept sometimes. I get the feeling like if I told people of this blog and brought more people I would somehow be looked down upon and judged because I don't have a great vocabulary, or I don't write that means much to anyone, I guess I just feel dumb. How many times can I write about how tired I am? How many times will people read about the latest drama at Wendy's? I just feel so dumb most of the time I'm not sure what to do.
I think my life just doesn't have the right amount of adventure, I guess after 30 life starts to slow down and it's driving me crazy. But then again as you get to thirty you're supposed to be married with children right? I guess that's where I screwed up. I'm not nearly ready for anything resembling marriage, and I don't ever see me being ready for children, I just want to stay young, go on adventures and get crazy from time to time.
Oh wow, is this what a mid life crisis is like? I'm hoping by the end of the year to finally have the time to be able to shake things up from time to time. Oh I need to go out and have a wild time, but I'll need someone with ideas and someone that drives the crazy out of me. There aren't a lot of people that can do that, who's up for the challenge? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? bueller?.....
Lets go get a hotel room in some downtown and bar hop and just get wild! Lets dance down the street, lets talk to random strangers in stores, lets laugh until we can't breath, lets....I don't know, I just want to get out of my skin for awhile, I want to let my hair down, I want to meet some new people, have new interesting conversations that don't involve the weather, I want to go get my ear pierced, I want to get a tatoo, lets dye out hair blue and go out and pretend to be German punk rockers on an exchange program!
Oh who am I kidding, I'm one of the most responsible boring people I know, it's not going to happen.
I'm not all that sad or depressed I just feel like there is so much missing right now and I'm not sure what it is or how to get it, you know? I read mundane things about other people's lives and they sound so exciting.
All right, I just took my zanex, I was visualizing throwing this little girl and her grumpy older sister through my plate glass window. I should be better in about 15 minutes.
Alright, that's all for me, I should just stop, this blog really doesn't say anything anyway. Have a great weekend!