Friday, May 16, 2008

I want to comfort you

I see you sitting there hurting, I hear the pain in your voice and I want to comfort you.

You tell me about your home life and the messed up situation you find yourself in every day, not wanting to go home, not wanting to be with your family.

I see how you were hurt by her, I listen and care

I care......I care too much I think. I can't hold you, I can't tell you it's going to be alright, I can't say the things I want to say....I can't because you would never look at me the same.

I want to hold you and tell you that you are beautiful, I want to tell you how funny and wonderful you are, how you bring a smile to my face just by the thought of you. Not because I enjoy staring at you, but because I enjoy spending time with you.

I don't normally spend an extra 1/2 hour chatting with crew members after the store is closed, I don't normally care about what's going on in their private lives....but you......you are special......you are different to me......I actually like you.

A different time and a different situation I could love you, I could love you like you deserve. I could hold you and tell you how much I care for you, how much you mean to me. But in this time in this situation, it would only cause harm. This is not a conversation to have with you, these are not things guys you know say to one another.

So I give cliche advice, I say the things I hate to say, the things I always hated hearing, and yet they come spewing out of my mouth, I just can't help it. I try to stop them or rephrase them in a way that you'll know I care about you and what you are talking about, but I can't get too close. If I get any closer and this becomes very unhealthy.

I must either find a way to put you in a friend frame of mind or I have to lose you totally, and that I just could not bear, I care too much about you. Not as a cute boy, but as a human being.

When will my mind allow that? When will my mind allow me to draw that line. But in a few months you'll move on with your life and forget me totally, and yet there is something about you that I will not be able to shake, something I can't forget, and something I'm going to miss terribly when you're out taking the world by storm.

It is you I want to comfort, you I want to hold, and you I want to love.

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