Saturday, May 10, 2008

Lost in emotion

I feel like I'm trapped right now, trapped in the center of a vortex of emotion. So much bitterness and anger and despair around me, mixed in with my own feelings of everything. I'm not sad, and yet I'm sad, I'm not angry and yet I am angry, just everything swallowing me whole and yet leaving me on the outside to watch everything. I feel like there is nothing I can do for the people around me, I watch them in pain and sorrow and despair and there is nothing I can do. At the same time I'm going through the same emotions and there is nothing anyone else can do and it freaks me out at times. I just haven't been sleeping and I need to change that.

Change is on the horizon, changes I'm making for myself, to better me and my life, to get back the life I once thought I had. I'm not sure it will work out, I'm not sure it is the clear answer, but nothing I have ever done has seemed clear, and yet here I am, still on an adventure every day. This could change my life, or it could just be another piece to the puzzle, I'm unsure of the future and it's scary as hell.

But every new decision is, only time will tell, but I know that with God, anything is possible. :)

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