Strange Feelings from the past

So a few minutes ago my first love came walking through my doors. What was so strange is the fact that I haven't seen her in nearly five years. She looks the same and has the same great attitude. What a strange feeling.

I loved her, I loved her with all of my heart. I tried to be who I am not to keep her happy, to get her to stay. She was the reason I lived a straight life. If we could have made it work I'd probably be married right now with her. It's a strange feeling, she tears my heart in two. On one hand I still love her, but the other part of me has moved on and has accepted who I am, and I know I'd never be happy that way again. She was my best friend, she knew things about me no one else knew, except the fact that I'm gay.

I'm just being flooded with memories right now, both good and bad, it's very confusing but it was so nice to see her and hug her again.

I still have to process this, but had to get it out of my system.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A promised update

Image
I find it very strange that I'm listening to the same soundtrack that I listened to for four months straight as I worked out my business plan every night after work and used as motivation as I started this business. It's a very strange feeling three years later knowing that in a matter of weeks I will be listing this place on the market, and hopefully within a year I'll be moving on to the next phase of my life. And every new adventure when I'm listening to this music it takes on new meaning, and yet keeps me moving forward. The soundtrack? Rent. It's my favorite of all of the musicals that I love. How could you just not love this music? "There's only us, there's only this, forget regret, or life is your's to miss" I mean, wow, I just love it. So anyway I promised Genia that I would update this blog with the care and thought I updated my other blog, and I hate to disappoint. So New Year's eve S and I went out with two couples, two straig
Read more

Good things

So I decided to start doing the list of good things, it's an idea copied from Bethany who copied it from someone else. I was hesitant at first of using other people's ideas, but it's a good one so I did it anyway. lol. I find it good to find something good in every day, it helps me refocus some of my energy. So here it is, I started late, so it isn't much, but enjoy it anyway. August 22: I was told by my boss that he recieved three compliments today all about me and that customers would be returning because of me. It made me feel really good. August 23: My friend Genia came to visit on her way home and we had a great lunch. I always love seeing Genia! August 24: I realized after having my daily long sometimes awkward phone call with my father, that he calls for random things because I think he misses me. It felt good. August 25: I got to see my roommate today, haven't seen much nor will I be seeing much of her until next week. Oh and I got off work 1/2 hour early to
Read more