Wednesday, February 18, 2009

This town

Days like today make me know why there are anti anxiety pills out there that I need from time to time. Maybe need is a cop out, I'm not sure, but it sure helps me get through days like today.

Today was one of those days where everyone is miserable. Nothing seemed to be going right for anyone and I guess there is a sign at the front door that I don't see that says "Please bring your problems to me" I wish I could find it so I could burn it.

My uncle has been going through a very tough financial situation and I'm the only person he and my aunt can talk to because I've been through it, I've done what they're doing and I'm the only one that can see the other side. I feel very fortunate I can mentally help them through this time, and even more special that they feel comfortable enough to come to their nephew for help in their time of need. This does not bother me. To be able to provide the mental support to the people that I have relied on for the same reason makes me feel good, I owe them so much and if this is a way I can pay them back, I feel more than happy to help them through it. This is not a situation that is draining to me.

What is draining to me is my customers. The people of this town are absolutely miserable and they are more than willing to share their misery with me, and after 11 hours of problems brought to my counter, it's exhausting. Two of my customers are fighting because of stupid reasons, but they each were here for 20 minutes telling me all about it. One of my customers has decided that I'm out to get them and has been calling me to tell me that I'm lying to them and I'm changing a 40 year old recipe just to piss them off, it's gotten so bad I've stopped answering their calls and I turn off my machine when they call so they can't leave messages, I mean really? How self absorbed can you be?

Then there is the situation across the street. Both parties are now at fault for the mess they have created and since it escalated yesterday and involved the police, it's on the local news. No one admits to listening to the local radio station but every single time they ran the report on the news my phone would start ringing and it would be people asking me what I knew, what happened, did I see anything? Did I hear anything, and was I around when the cops took her away. I know what happened, I know many of the details, and I know more about what happened than either party knows about, but I don't want to be involved. I keep telling people, all I know is what I heard on the radio. It was 3am what the hell would I be doing at 3am? SLEEPING!!! It's not my marriage, it's not my family, and it's not my business.

What my business is, is this store. I've asked people to stop calling unless they are calling to order food or to ask how my day is going, anything else I don't know anything about. I've been waist deep in family problems that are not mine. The more I fight to stay out of it, the more I keep getting dragged into it, not by the parties involved, but by the nosey bored people in this town. No one can mind their own business.

I was nearly in tears when my friend Eric showed up, I had enough and couldn't deal with it anymore. Like I told him, I have my own problems and I don't have enough time or energy to get myself involved in their lives, my only concern was that my two friends were o.k. and he helped me finally find out that they were both indeed alright, things are really bad and not good for anyone involved, but all parties are safe and working through it. That was enough for me. Eric is a good guy, he helped me forget about the situation that drowned me today and I was able to focus my energy elsewhere. I was able to finally convince him to see a doctor about his poison oak that hasn't gone away yet, it's been over a week. It's minor and odd, but it was nice to talk about something else today.

I looked forward to being able to lock my doors tonight and hole myself up in my house and not talking to anyone. I ended up falling asleep on my couch and took a 3 hour a nap. In the middle of the nap I got a phone call, I checked the caller I.D. and it was one of the parties involved in the situation across the street and I couldn't bring myself to answer the phone, I needed time to be away from it, to be out of it. She didn't leave a message so it must not be anything that can't be dealt with. Now I'm awake and waiting around for my laundry that has gone too long without being done.

I just can't deal with days where it seems the entire world is unhappy. That's 11 hours of people talking about misery and unhappiness and getting involved in other people's problems because I guess theirs aren't enough. Can you imagine being surrounded for 11 hours by misery? It is absolutely too much. I once thought how neat it would be to own a small bar, but after this experience I know that I could never handle doing anything remotely like this ever again. I told Eric tonight I just want out, and for the first time he finally figured out why it is that I want to leave so badly. I'm not meant for this, I can't handle this, no job I've ever had has been like this. How do you tell a customer that you don't want to listen to them anymore? How do you tell these people you depend on for money that you can't stand to listen to another minute of their lives?

Oy, the day is over and there is nothing salvagable from the day. Sales were the worst I've seen in sometime and yet I'm more exhausted than ever. I have my own problems to deal with and I didn't have a minute today to deal with them. Will someone please tell me how to pay my mortgage that was due today? Or how to pay the electric bill that is due by the end of the week? I know how it's going to get done, not in a way I want to do it, but I have to do the things I have to do. I just keep praying harder and harder that the sale does not take long and that by the end of the summer I'll be able to pack it up and move on.

Will there be drama in Cinci? I'm certain of it, it follows me so I know better than to run from it. The difference will be that I won't be trapped and won't have to deal with it and will be in a better position to tell people that I don't want to deal with it. I'll be way too busy protecting B from the undead, and I'm looking forward to it. :)


  1. Oh honey, you are so me circa 2000-2004
    Even now I have no idea how I escaped from all the drama, but when you get an inch you need to protect it with all of your might. Smile, nod let it roll of your back. If I could figure out exactly how I did that I would tell you. In brighter news, I think the undead have abandoned my house for you'll get a brief respite when you come

  2. Awe, come on, if it's on the local radio, it's got to be THE most important news in the town! (If you don't note my sarcasm, you need another nap... or to move very very quickly!)

    I wish I could tell you that things in that town will change, but it's the one place I actually lost hope for. It's a sad thought.

    I can't imagine being around sad, angry, depressing, nosy people for 11 hours a day. I would need to be admitted to a nut house! I'd also probably snap at some point and tell them all off. Or I'd pretend to brush it all under the rug. The thing about brushing it under the rug, is that it's still there for later.

    It's late and I don't know if I'm even making sense.

    Oh, and I tried to call you today while I was waiting at the middle school. The operator kept saying my call "could not go through, please try again later". Is this because you had your phone turned off? I don't blame you, but *I* was calling with happy thoughts! :-) heehee!!

    Smile. Chin up.
    Love you,

  3. I'm with B on this one. You need to find a way to insulate yourself from what you can.

    Sometimes people just need to vent and get things off their chest. Be kind and listen, but as soon as they're done and leave or hang up, let it go. You have enough to carry on your own right now, so don't hold on to their stuff.

    For the ones that want to gossip or want you input, I'd just firmly remind them that, in your position, you hear a lot of things. Let them know the person you talked to right before them could have been gossiping about them. Let them know you have a strict policy of non-involvement in order to protect everyone. Once it sinks in, I think they'll be cool with it.