Sunday, December 21, 2008

I told him.....again.

It wasn't how I ever planned it, but the build up was there and there was a smoking hot guest. Even after the events of the week I told S again. I don't know if he'll remember, but I'm so tired of hiding it from him, I think when we go shopping tomorrow I'll bring it up.....maybe. Alcohol right now says I'll bring it up, but tomorrow I may feel differently. I've wanted to tell him, I've hinted around about it. His reaction was not quite what I was expecting, but I have a feeling he's known all along.

What I didn't tell him was about my 15 year obsession with him. That is better left unsaid as the obsession is slowly going away. I want him to know as one of my best friends, and I know he'd understand, but we don't talk like that all that much unless alcohol is involved.

Damn that smoking hot guest to bring that side out of me, well actually two of them. It was too much for me to handle with alcohol.

Before I left for this party I said things and thought things against other christians I'm so not proud of. I have been mentally beating the crap out of myself for these thoughts. But honestly, how many times can one person be parked into his own garage before he flips his lid? I finally had to call someone to pick me up so I could get to my christmas party only fashionably late because the church behind me parked me into my garage. I could have gone into the church and asked around, but I knew if I did there would be some rather harsh and unchristian things I would have said, and I didn't want to go that far.

Oh the sins I've committed all in one day in my head. What is a boy to do?

I'm crashing because it's been a really bad week.

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