Sunday, February 17, 2008


It has recently come to my attention that this blog is not very uplifting, or even funny, and I dwelled on that for a few days until I realized, it's my blog. My life is not constantly uplifting, I have good and I have bad and I have more outlets for the good things so the things that are left are the bad and I have to have an avenue to get them out, and this is it. There are are many things I don't feel I can share with people and these are some of the things I put on here.

Today I was thinking about motivation. When I took on the responsibility of this business I was highly motivated. I had high hopes and big dreams. But what happens when the dreams aren't as big as you once thought? How do you find motivation when it feels like all hope is lost? How do you dig yourself out of the every deepening hole of depression?

I have been hitting more and more financial bumps in the road of my business. There is just no money left. Projects have to get done and there is no money left. There are bills that need to be paid and there is no money left. How can I grow my business with no money? How can I make improvement with no money? How do I deal with people who want my money when there is no money left? Penalties are growing because I'm falling behind. So I finally get my shit together and start paying penalties and everything is still falling behind further, so at this rate I'm never going to get caught up.

The answer for most is easy. Sell. How can I sell this business in this economy? Any other buyer is going to require repairs be made, or offer less because repairs will need to be made. They will make the smart choices I didn't make. I should have had the place inspected, I should have gotten quotes. And yet I've come so far. With a negative cash flow I've still managed to make so many repairs and do so many makeovers I shock myself. But how long will this last?

I need professional help. I need professional financial help. I need someone to come in and help me figure out a way out.

I've been dreaming about life after this place lately. A home that doesn't have work attatched, a life outside of work, having a steady paycheck, having health insurance, and enjoying life again. I can't say that I haven't enjoyed my time, and that I can't make it through more time here, but there is so much I miss. I miss having more of a social life, I miss having the time and money to get crazy from time to time.

There is talk about going out to the club in March. "The Club" is a bar fairly local to the area, well withing 1/2 an hour drive that I have been to a few times. It is a pretty cool bar, on gay night. They have a pretty great drag show (I'm not that into drag shows, but it's a good time), and it's just a great time surrounded by people, people having fun, people having a great time and there is always great times happening. It's just a fun night out. I do enjoy getting crazy from time to time. I think it will be fun. I'll go crazy the next day because I"ll be so freakin tired, but I'm looking forward to it. How gay is that? HAHAHAHAHA!!

So anyway, that's really all I feel like saying right now. So later!

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