Oh what a weekend. A horrible sales day on satruday still turned into a fun day. The neighbors were over most of the day working on their new office space in the back of the building, which turned out great I must say. They moved fast and it's nearly done. While they were working the neighbor's father had a good bottle of Black Velvet with him as he likes the drink. He invited me to join him in a few drinks. I'm not one to turn down whiskey at all, so of course I poured myself a drink, then two, then three, then....well you get the idea. By the time I closed I was feeling really good. S swung by to take me to dinner at his uncle's bar and I was in rare form.
At the bar drama unfolded but it wasn't my drama so it wasn't that bad, but it was informative to S's family and what he deals with on a semi daily basis and it answered so much about s that I never realized about him and his family. But we had a good time and continued onto the Legion to play pool. I really don't know why we don't do that more often, it's enjoyable, it was semi quiet and it's just a good time.
When we got back to my place S fell asleep in the recliner and I fell asleep in my stooper on the couch. About 4am I kicked S out and went to bed. I woke up at 8 thinking I had to work, then 9:30am when my sister called to see if I wanted to go to breakfast, which I didn't. I just didn't think I had the energy to get up and go eat, so I rolled over and went back to sleep. I ended up sleeping until noon. I haven't done that in quite some time and it felt good. About the only thing I've done today was to have dinner with my family for my mother's 60th. birthday. She has problems with big crowds so we didn't do much of anything for her birthday, and I think she's a little sad we didn't make more of a deal about it. Which shocks me a bit, and a little upset. Maybe we'll do something next year for her.
So I've been sitting here today and I realized how much more I like the buzzed me than the normal me. The buzzed me talks a lot more, is a lot more social and is more willing to say things that are in my head than when I'm completely sober. It's a strange feeling really, I think sometimes I should drink more. ; ) Although I must say I found myself putting myself down a lot more. I'm not sure if I was looking for reassurance, or if that's really how I feel deep down, but for the most part, I think I'm a lot of fun. You'd have to ask S for sure, but I find myself more entertaining. ; )
So for those who haven't seen me drunk or even buzzed, I guess all you need is to bring a bottle of whiskey! I'm a sucker for liquor. ; )
So other than that, not much has happened. It was really sadly quiet around here this weekend which makes me very nervous. I'm not sure if it's the economy, the time of the year or if the new competition down the street is going to put me under. I'm really scared and wish I had an answer to either the financial portion of this or the future of this, or maybe even both. I'm just not sure how much longer I can do this.
I keep thinking about the life I feel I should have, the life I think I want. I'm still not sure if it would be what I think it should be or if it would just be another life with another set of problems, just as bad as before. I'm trying to find the motivation to make the life I have everything I think it can be and just move on from there. It's time to find the motivation.