Freedom comes from Confinement

A post card taken from Post Secret that could have been written by me.

Next week Mohring's will be taking part in an event called "Shop till you drop" 25 businesses will be having tremendous sales all week and five businesses a day will be featured as part of a trivia game. At the end of the week the winner will recieve $500 chamber dollars and the next 4 winners will recieve prizes as well. I personally will be having some spectacular deli specials, as well as tasting of products, and if I can pull it off there will be new gift baskets and homemade christmas goodies. I'm exhausted thinking about it, but it should be fun. I hope it turns a crowd and I hope to see some of you out here as well!!! We are pushing shopping locally, I hope it works! If I'm not around much it's because I'll be working my tail off to get it all done in time!!! ; )

There are few people in this life that I actually connect to in such a way that makes me feel less alone. Recently, the last year or so, I have found new people and refound a few people that I swear were born with the same brain. These people are amazing people, each with their own struggles, each with completely seperate lives, each with different choices, and yet their thoughts are so close to mine. I swear we were all born from the same person and just seperated at birth through several years even. I'm a big reader of blogs, I especially love blogs written by people I know, or have gotten to know, it's scary at times to read these blogs thinking I could have written them myself. That I myself could have written the same thing word from word, and many of them have felt the same about my blogs. Can it be that these thoughts and ideas have drawn us all together? Do other people have this? Since I have found friends like this I have started to reevaluate several other frie...

Well some how it happened again, I don't know how it happens, it just does. I went to church this morning, I have felt the need to go for sometime now but have been avoiding it in fear of feeling angry again, and yet it snuck up on me again. I went today as my cousin's baby was being baptized and I was so torn with emotion I still don't know how to deal with it. My family is so close, we're a tight kint group that would throw parties just so we could all get together. Suddenly this baptism was a great opportunity for a party, and yet most of the family wasn't even invited. None of the cousins, our parents were invited, but none of us. There has been no explanation as to why, which would get rid of much of this anger. I feel hurt, and I know I shouldn't, but at the same time I do. After church everyone was rushing the front to see the baby and visit with the family and I wanted to run out of there as fast as I could. It was not all due to the family issue,...

When I bought this business I aquired about 2000 square feet of outdated hardware supplies with it. These items had been on the shelf for the last 10-15 years and hadn't sold. We organized it all and filled another space with it all and priced it at 50% off. We continued the sale for several months and dwindled down to a smaller selection that we then moved and continued the sale. We had gone up to 75% off, but when we moved it we just repriced everything to move. I had taken much of the good stuff and donated it to several different organizations and wrote it off. I did a "bag" sale, where you fill a bag for $2. Things had gotten down to be managable. But the last year this stuff has just sat there collecting dust. I had decided that as of December 31 I would box everything up and have an auctioner sell everything at a consignment auction in the spring and whatever I got, I got. Well last night a family friend came over and made an offer for all the remaining me...

From Myspace: Well as things calm down and/or get a little better I'm feeling more in a blogging place, so we'll give it a try again! So last week seemed to pull my sales out of the slump they have been in and it felt good. It also brought the bad news that the new screen printer I had set to move in backed out, so I won't have schoolware to sell this christmas. I"m bummed, I had a space all set for it. Oh well I guess, roll with the punches, roll with the punches. So I took my car to get looked at/ fixed on Friday and they did $100 worth of work to it. Friday I went to spend some time with Free and Charro and discovered that the car was not fixed. I need a whole new transmission, so the car is a gonner. I did however discover the car is drivable. I just have to shift gears like it was a manual trnasmission. It's not easy but I got used to it. I think I can squeeze a few more months out of it this way. Free and Charro were very entertaining as usual. We w...

The business is struggling. I seem to be side swiped when I'm not watching. Two years later this shouldn't be so hard. I fight every day to stay alive, I fight to pay the bills and it leaves me with nothing. Can someone please tell me how to fix it? Can someone tell me what I'm missing? I work and work and work and get no where. What have I done? What haven't I done? No one said owning a business would be so heart breaking. The ups, the downs, it's an emotional roller coaster and I'm ready for the exciting part to come up. I've decided to post a blog I just wrote for myspace: Can someone explain to me how to make it stop? I work, and I work, and I work and I still have nothing. My car is on it's last tire and I can't afford to fix it and I can't afford to replace it. What do I do? My trasmission has been acting up for several weeks and to get it looked at requires $70 bucks. Which to most people is not much, but to me it's one week of...

So I have been discussing my dating life or lack there of with an old high school friend I have become very close with. And I decided that I truly am ready to open my life and my heart to let love back in. I have decided what I want and what I won't settle for. I'm ready to share myself with someone, someone who will see through the outside crap and see what's inside my heart. What I've realized is that deciding to open my heart has exposed and opened the hole that's inside. The hole that makes me feel empty, the hole that makes me lonely. This gaping hole I have discovered in my heart. I don't need it filled to feel complete, I need it filled to stop feeling so alone. Even in my relationships that I have had, I have felt alone. There is nothing worse than laying in bed with someone you think you love and feel more alone than when you are alone. I have this hole that I want to fill. It has a shape that doesn't allow just anyone to fill it. The las...

I have decided today I have an unhealthy obsession with my neighbor. I melt when he walks in the door. He's so much fun to look at and he's such an awesome person. He said once that gay guys don't find him attractive. He said he's asked a few of his clients who were gay if he was an attractive man, and they told him he kind of was for a straight guy. I was floored. I wanted to tell him how much lust I have for him, but he would freak out, so I bite me tounge like so many other times. He's a hottie, that's all there is to it. Other than that realization I had meant to rant and rave about work I was doing for my uncle, but he told me tonight how much he appreciated me doing this for him and paid me $50. I was excited, it made it all worth it. Even without the money it would have been worth it to hear that. It's nice to hear everyonce in awhile. My family, we do anything for everyone and don't expect much in return except a thank you. That's ...

She's not a wino, nor does she have a shopping cart that keeps her belongings in, but she's different. The first time I met K I was taken back quite a bit. I felt myself overwhelmed by her energy and her love for God. She is another born again, which in most people can bother me, but for her, it's like her saving grace. She's got a big heart and will help anyone in need. She had another customer in tears one day because she asked what was wrong, I guess she just saw something and gave them a hug and the talked for what seemed like forever. She can very freaky at times, but she's a good person. She has tall tales also. I'm never quite sure what to believe from her when it comes to her personal life. It's always something different, and big stories and long drawn out situations. I've heard from several others that she is a pathological liar, but I honestly think to her these things are happening. Her mind is making her believe that these things are...

So this weekend I finally got around to cleaning the office. What a freakin nightmare. I swear I love my family and friends, but there are days I want to throw them all out of here. I have such a hard time trying to keep up with myself, picking up after myself, but throw in picking up every other person that walks through my doors is more than I can handle. People bitch my office is always messy. Well when I cleaned it up I found most of the crap that was out of place was put there by a visitor. My brother is the worst of all. He leaves cans, wrappers, boxes, ashes everywhere. If it's in his way he moves it, doesn't make sense where he moves it, he just does it. But does he return the stuff when he's leaving? Nope, he just thinks there is a maid running around behind him. He's never lived on his own, he's never had to clean up after himself and he wonders why I get so upset sometimes. He's lost nearly all of my tools, he's trashed every room of my ...

So a few minutes ago my first love came walking through my doors. What was so strange is the fact that I haven't seen her in nearly five years. She looks the same and has the same great attitude. What a strange feeling. I loved her, I loved her with all of my heart. I tried to be who I am not to keep her happy, to get her to stay. She was the reason I lived a straight life. If we could have made it work I'd probably be married right now with her. It's a strange feeling, she tears my heart in two. On one hand I still love her, but the other part of me has moved on and has accepted who I am, and I know I'd never be happy that way again. She was my best friend, she knew things about me no one else knew, except the fact that I'm gay. I'm just being flooded with memories right now, both good and bad, it's very confusing but it was so nice to see her and hug her again. I still have to process this, but had to get it out of my system.