Lately I've been feeling this need to help, this need to play a supporting role, this need to take care of people. I've learned I enjoy cooking when there is someone to cook for, I enjoy keeping a house clean when someone else is living in it (for the most part o.k., I'm still working on being observant of the messes I can leave in my trail. lol.)
A thought occurred to me one Tuesday on my day off as I was folding some laundry and dinner was cooking and I was getting things in order.....I could really enjoy being a kept man. Sure it would get boring after awhile, I would need to work at least part time, but I enjoy these things. I really enjoy being in a supporting role. I can still lead when the need arises, but there is a part of me that wants to take care of someone.
I realize it opens an entirely different can of worms of being taken advantage of, or being too passive, or whatever else haters want to refer to it as, but there is a part of me that enjoys it and would like to find a man who could appreciate it. I do have drive and ambition to achieve things in work and life in general, so maybe it's just a feeling of being ready for a relationship.
Having a roommate has been a great experience so far, I feel different living with someone else, I feel better, I feel like things aren't so hard all the time. Even just watching a movie or t.v. makes life seem so much better. I do still enjoy some time alone, but for the most part I enjoy the company, something I never thought would happen after living on my own for nearly 10 years.
It's a crazy thought process because of all the emotional baggage I need to unpack and burn in order to get to that stage of love, but now that I've slowly taken in the amount of baggage I've carried all these years, I think I'm ready to start sorting through it. It's going to get ugly and messy, but I'm ready to start taking steps towards it. Life is too short to spend so much time thinking about it, perhaps it's time to just start moving.