Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Toxins

Hows does a person rid themselves of toxic people? People who are not good for you, people who hold you back or keep you down, or just not treat you very good. How do I walk away? Why do I care? How do I get myself not to care anymore? I guess I just hate being made the asshole when there is no reason to be. There really is no redeeming value to this friendship, or lack there of, they don't hold me up and somehow managed to make me feel worse for standing up for myself and turned this all back into somehow my fault.

If they completely miss the point, are these people I need to even bother with? People I should be spending my time with? What does that say to my real friends? The people that really do care, the people that do hold me up, the people that support me and the people that love me. What does my spending time on this unhealthy friendship say to them? That somehow these people are more worth my time than they are?

Everyone else has been able to write it off and move on, why can't I? Is it really lust that ties me to this? Could lust be an even stronger factor than I could have ever imagined? Or could it be that people I held so dear, people I thought really cared, really didn't? I'm so confused and feel even more angry for putting this much thought into it.

Please God, help me sell this store quickly and be able to remove myself from all the unhealthiness that this place surrounds me with, but until then, please help me let go of this, help me see that these people are not good for me and that I'm better off without them. While I'm here praying, I do pray for their family, for all the reasons you know are in my heart, and help me heal from this.

2 comments:

  1. Did I write this? With the exception of the last paragraph and the store and moving, I was reading my own thoughts from tonight on my computer screen. It has a blue background so it must not be mine. If someone has an answer for you, please let me know.

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  2. Lust is absolutely that powerful. It's almost scary how powerful it can be. The other problem is it mimicks love just long enough to ensnare you and then leaves you empty and unsatisfied.
    Scary stuff.
    I don't have any advice other than that really, I love you though and I'll see you soon!

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