Thursday, March 5, 2009

Finally a step towards my future.

Yes it's true, I have finally officially listed the store for sale. It was a great relief when they posted the sign in front of the store and I didn't so much as have it listed that I started to hear rumors. You really have to watch what you say and who you say it too around here. A local man that is somewhat my competitor and I have talked many times and I got the impression he might be interested if I sold and I mentioned that to about 2 people that I would contact him once it was for sale and talk about it. Well by Sunday at church I heard a rumor that he had purchased the store. I was a bit floored. So today I got to spend some quality time on the phone with him trying to figure this out. He told me the only thing he's be interested in was the liquor license and asked if I'd be interested in selling that. I told him I would be happy to sell him the liquor license, but he had to take the rest of the package with it. He did ask who the listing was with and what I was asking for the place, so who knows, maybe he's interested and just not letting on. I guess only time will tell. I hope someone is interested, I need to get out of here soon or the bank may throw me out, unless sales start turning around like today, then I could hold on for the buyer.

So anyway, where does that leave me? What plans do I have for the future? I'm moving. Bethany has graciously offered me a room in her house and I've been looking forward to moving for a few months now. We have everything pretty well ironed out and I have a pretty good schedule of how it will work as to how long etc... Once I know when this place is going I can start looking for work, Cinci is still a place where people are working, it helps they don't rely on the car industry for life like everyone does around here. I really want to get back into home design, it's where my heart is, it's where my passion is and I would really love to get paid to do that again. It's taken me a few years to heal from the first job, but I know now that it's what I'm supposed to do. I can feel God's hands guiding me through this, it all makes sense, I just don't know the time table.

So for me the future is a bit unclear, but it's beautiful, and I look forward to diving in. :)

During this process I've been noticing some things about people when I tell them I'm moving. They seem to try to make me feel guilty. Am I really the only one around here that is not threatened by distance? It seems like everyone is under the impression that if you can't get to me in less than 1/2 hour that our friendship will be over. I mean really? I have friends scattered all over this country and I don't feel like we're less friends, I don't feel like I can't call them, or that I wouldn't be welcomed at their homes if I showed up. Am I the last one that is willing to travel more than an hour to spend some time with a friend?

I even heard the word selfish today. Really? I'm curious as to what is more selfish, me wanting to do what I want and can to find happiness in this world, or demanding I stay and be miserable just so I can be close and share the misery of others? I'm really confused. I feel bad that this is how these people are taking this, but honestly, we all make choices in our lives, choices to chase after dreams, to live a life you're happy with. Could I be happy in Northwest Ohio? Well let see, I've tried it twice now and it's just not doing it for me. I think 24 years is plenty to get a feel for the area and figure out if it's for me, it's not, I'm sorry. There are parts of this place I love, I love being close to my family, I love my friends, I think that's it.

So am I a horrible person because I still want to leave these people behind? I guess this is where I differ from these people, I don't feel like I'm leaving them behind. I would like to think that they will still be there for me, that I can still call them and be a part of their lives. I know I can't be there in an everyday way, but lets face it, I don't see any of them every day now. I haven't spent lots of time with any of them since I've back, so what's the difference? It took me a few years after I moved to Michigan to really find out who my friends were. My friends really shined and the others just fell off the place of the planet, and you know what? It still shows. Those are the people I really don't spend time with now, the friendship never healed from that. So I'm sure that once again that I'll really find out who my friends really are.

I know that life is going to go on without me here, it has been going on since the first time I left. It took me awhile to realize it, and even longer to accept it, but I still feel like life is passing me by even while I'm here because I feel like my life is not moving at all. I feel like I'm standing still watching the world go by, and I'm supposed to endure this stress and this life so that others can still be miserable? I'm confused.

It's so not going to change my mind, and I'm really not going to be guilted into putting off my dreams and life for others. In a way it sounds selfish, but you know what? Sometimes you have to be selfish and do things for yourself. Time will tell if these people will even care.

O.K. I feel better.


  1. I really hope it sells fast! I know you are ready to move on. Our prayers are with you, but God is always guiding you down the right path even though it doesn't always seem so at the moment. AND, anyone who calls you selfish is the selfish one. My best friend in the whole entire world lives 2 hours and 45 minutes away and no distance would break us apart. You always know who your TRUE friends are. :)

  2. This is actually CLOSER to me, so ... um... I'm HAPPY! hahaha!!! Seriously though, I'm really happy for you and I can't wait to hear all the new stories and adventures as you move. :-)

  3. I have so much to say about all this, but I don't think this is the place.

    I'm extremely happy that you're taking big steps towards the change you need!