Wednesday, September 8, 2010

A life of hoarding

So I was watching Hoarders today on A&E, pretty much all day because it sucks me in and interests me. As I watched these people struggle with their issues I realized just how much alike I was to some of these people. I listened to the excuses they made when it came to the condition of their homes and lives and it was like watching myself. I could hear myself saying these things over the last many years. "that could come in handy later" "Oh I could use that cup" "Do you know what projects I could do with that?" "That just means so much to me, I can't bare to part with it."

I've gotten over most of the attatchment I've had to a lot of the "stuff" in my life. I have some more work to do, but overall for 33 I think I'm doing fairly well. What astonished me more was the realization I do this with people as well. There are people in my life that have proven to be toxic. Where at one time they meant so much to me, or helped me through a tough time, or we shared a moment. Those people I've held on to longer than I should have. There are just some people that are not meant to be a part of our lives forever.

It's a hard realization to make because it's like throwing away that part of my life, like if I cut them out of my life that piece of my history no longer means anything to me. There are days I realize it's not true and I've worked over the last several years to overcome that and keep my distance from some of these people. Sometimes they don't understand, but that has more to do with two people changing in different directions. Sometimes it's me that is pushed aside and I have a really hard time with that, accepting that I'm no longer a part of their life, or we're not as close, that things changed and I was the one that didn't realize it.

I hoard people and memories and sometimes I really just need to let go. I'm no better than someone who hoards "stuff" in thier house and I need to take a cue from some of these success stories and push through the hard stuff to get to the realization on the other side.

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