Freedom comes from Confinement

I've had an interesting day, never quite sure what I was doing, or what I was saying. I honestly felt like I could burst into tears at any moment and I couldn't put my finger on what it was that has been bothering me. Sales are slumping big time, but bills are paid, the house is a construction zone again, but it's nearing completion in a rapid pace. I was trying all day to figure it out. I finally crashed for about 15 minutes between jobs tonight and when I woke up I was feeling better. So really, was it being tired, or was it depression? I'm still wondering around in a daze tonight trying to sort things out still, but it's not quite wasn't quite as bad until I sat down at the computer. What I did was open my google reader and played catch up. What I realized suddenly was it was one of the blogs I've been reading again. I can't link to it right now because it's on another account and the link is on another computer, maybe in the morning I'll ...

Finally a way to keep up with the growing list of blogs I've been stalking...errr I mean reading. I finally took the time while I was awake and got my google reader set up and while I fought it at the beginning because it didn't seem necessary, I find it so much easier to keep up with blogs, I used to spend hours going from site to site to site just trying to see if there was anything new, but now my blog browsing takes minutes!! I love it. Thanks to Bethany for showing me just how easy it really was. It just goes to show me that I shouldn't try and do those things while I'm half asleep. lol. It seems I've been half asleep a lot lately. The last week has been rather draining and I'm not sure why. I haven't had to work the last two nights which has been wonderful and I had made plans to catch up on so much, and yet I haven't done much of anything except napping, cooking and watching t.v. I have been fighting the guilt a bit, but I have found myself so ...

Days like today make me know why there are anti anxiety pills out there that I need from time to time. Maybe need is a cop out, I'm not sure, but it sure helps me get through days like today. Today was one of those days where everyone is miserable. Nothing seemed to be going right for anyone and I guess there is a sign at the front door that I don't see that says "Please bring your problems to me" I wish I could find it so I could burn it. My uncle has been going through a very tough financial situation and I'm the only person he and my aunt can talk to because I've been through it, I've done what they're doing and I'm the only one that can see the other side. I feel very fortunate I can mentally help them through this time, and even more special that they feel comfortable enough to come to their nephew for help in their time of need. This does not bother me. To be able to provide the mental support to the people that I have relied on for the same...

So this weekend I was thinking a lot about urges, the different types and how to satisfy those urges. I know instantly most people that read this are thinking of physical urges or more predominately in today's society, sexual urges, but this is not what I'm talking about today. Today I have been thinking about psychological urges, the urges you think are physical at first until you realize that you can't satisfy them with food or with music or even with sex. Human contact like a hug, or an arm around your shoulder, or just a peaceful hand on your back, things like this are hard to figure out at first. How is it you go about satisfying these urges? How does one go about requesting something that is supposed to be just natural. A hug is easy to request, but how do you ask someone to place their hand on your arm and not have it feel superficial? How do you ask someone to place their hand on your back so you can feel secure or comforted or even encouraged? These things ha...

You may recognize him from movies such as: -Empire Records -Vegas Vacation -Can't Hardly Wait and so many others, but how is it he became my valentine? I caught Sweet Home Alabama on the t.v. before work today. When he plays Bobby Ray with that southern drawl, the boots, those jeans, and his walk.......oh I get lost in his eyes. That southern drawl just pulls me in closer. So I decided he would be my valentine today, I'm sure he won't mind. I can't tell him because of the restraining order, but I'm sure he knows how much I care. :) So thank you Ethan for sharing Valentine's day with me, with you on my mind I didn't even notice you weren't next to me on the couch. :)

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a blog with 25 random things about you. At the end, choose people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it’s because I want to know more about you. That's right, another 25 things for those of you with the address to this blog, it's an evening of getting to know your host. lol. 1. I can't wait for the day I can merge the two blogs I maintain and maybe let people into the side of me they have never known. 2. I'm so very thankful for those of you that come here and read my sometimes randomly boring posts. lol 3. I'm amazed how someone I was so infatuated with for the last two years can become so ugly so quickly. 4. Worse yet, living through this situation has made me realize just how ugly I could possibly be if I caved to my temptations.....turns out I live in a glass house. 5. I'm not sure I could be really happy if I found a sugar daddy, but at this point, I think i...

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a blog with 25 random things about you. At the end, choose people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it’s because I want to know more about you. 1. Jake was sneaky when tagging me by using the line "I tag those who miss me..." 2. I find it odd sometimes I miss people I've only met once in my life, but feel like I know better (and know me better) than some people I've known for the last 20. 3. I did one of these on facebook a little while ago and got lots of slack because I guess it screamed "a call for help" I didn't think so, but I guess I was wrong. 4. Watching a failing marriage is ranking up there as one of the hardest things to watch. 5. I'm really missing thunderstorms. Last night during the wind gusts I saw lightning and got really excited. 6. I really hate working at Wendy's again, but as a second job it works because it's comfortable,...

I've had this song stuck in my head today and wanted to torture the rest of you by getting it stuck in your head as well. :) I updated the colors on the blog because I was bored. Hope you like.

Hello people! How nice of you to join me on such a wonderful Monday....o.k. so it's just been a Monday. But I recently took my happy pill and life can resume at normal speed again. :) They are finally picking up my car today! Which means I get the rest of my money today! Woot! Now I can finish fixing the truck, or course it won't happen this week as there is just too much other stuff to get done. This week we are making prettles which is an all day affair as well as making 325 pounds of pork sausage patties for the fireman's breakfast on Sunday. My brother and a couple of my friends picked up and butchered the pigs for me already. It is sitting inside of my cooler waiting to be seasoned and ground up and then pattied. It's going to be a long week. We do the sausage for them every year. I did it because I thought it would bring in more business, but sadly it doesn't really do me a bit of good, but at least it makes me some good money. :) Money is in need around her...

Thank you Kurt Warner for making tonight's game that much more enjoyable because of your lovely face. You played a good game, but sadly your defensive line was just outplayed. It's sad and I wish I was there to comfort you in your loss, but I'm sure your wife and kids will do a fine job. But I wish it was me. :) Photo Source Today at lunch my mother announced to me that my ex-girlfriend has asked to get married at our church. Now this is the excentric ex-girlfriend or girl friend #2 in regards to a previous blog a long time ago on my other blog. This was the gf that was the final straw that helped me accept to myself that I was gay. It was the gf that I was talked into going out with and the one that smothered me. She was also the one that talked to me on the phone for hours and helped me through some very hard times during the end of my last job. She helped me write my business plan to buy this place and she was such a wonderful friend. Sadly, I'm gay, she's a g...