Wednesday, January 2, 2008

A blog based on myspace blog...

So I was watching I am Legend and had a thought. What would I do if I woke up one day and realized I was the only person alive?

You know what my first thought was? Hmmm.... I'd probably run naked through town, why? well really, why not? It's wierd I know, but don't judge me. ; )

How do you really know that you are the only one alive? What would you do? Would you have the courage to examine all the buildings to see if you were the only one alive? I don't think I would. I would be a hermit, I've seen too many horror movies to go into dark buildings alone and travel through the country trying to get somewhere! So what would you search for?

In the movie, Will Smith makes the statement, "There is no god" I was a little floored by that statement, but at the same time I think, in that situation, would my faith be there for me? Would my faith still be there if the rest of the world was gone? How strong is my faith? How far will my faith take me? Where is the line in the sand of where my faith keeps me safe to the point I would abandon my faith? I would hate to think there would ever be a situation that would destroy my faith, or abandon my faith, but could there be a situation bad enough to make that happen?

My faith is tested daily, nearly every minute. Every new person I meet seems to have another idea of faith and religion. To me this is such a great thing and makes me question my faith and at the end makes it stronger. I feel I have been tested so much in the last few years of adulthood and each sitation makes me stronger. Each new person is a part of me and brings out something new in me. But when will be the true test. In my heart I know the answer, well at least I think I do, and that situation scares me more than anything I think I can imagine, and when that day comes I can only hope and pray that my faith will keep me whole.

The past year has taken me down a religious and faith roller coaster. In the new year I feel a bit stronger, I still feel like I'm drowning in questions and I'm always in search for an answer, but yet the other day I realized the only person that can give me the answer I'm looking for is God himself. How can I keep searching for answers I know I'll never find? I will continue to question and find more resources to help me understand my issue and maybe help me understand just what it is I'm hoping to find, acceptance in the eyes of God.

To become understanding enough to allow someone to love me, to make myself understand that I am worth of love, that I am a good person and am allowed to love and that I am imperfect in so many ways and yet no matter how imperfect I am or even think of myself being, that God is there to love me and guide me. God created me in his own image, who am I to say that it is wrong?

I rewatched the movie "Saved" the other day and there was a line that struck me like lightning. Well I can only assume as I have never been struck by lightning! ; )

"Why would God go through the trouble of making us all different if he wanted us all to be the same?"

Believe it or not that statement made me feel so good that night I slept like a baby, I fell asleep feeling like a million bucks.

Someday I'll believe it for more than a mere hour or two.

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