Freedom comes from Confinement

How many times in your life have you heard the phrase "It's a routine procedure" and just laughed it off and just knew you were going to be o.k.? There are many of us out in the world that no matter what "procedure" it is freak out. The neighbor kid went in today to have his tonsils taken out. What the parents were told to be a 45 minute surgery quickly turned into 2 hours. There was extensive bleeding when they cut one out and he had a very bad reaction to the anesthesia . His blood pressure dropped, his lips turned blue and he wasn't able to breath. Even in the recovery while the doctors were trying to figure out what to do he was choking, and still having problems breathing and couldn't stand up. They finally got him home a little bit ago, he's got some massive pain killers and is supposed to be watched tonight. The doctor said he should be fine, but just to watch him for the night to make sure. The poor kid was told for the last week by all...

So I got the news today that my roof repairs can be started in the next two to three weeks! I have been very excited about the news and will be getting my loan documents prepared this week so I'll have the money when the roof gets done. This is one step closer to getting out of here and moving on with a new life. And while this is so exciting and has my mind racing it started to really feel like it was becoming reality and I was smacked upside the head with it. I suddenly realized that once this place is gone, it all changes. I will then have to look for a job, I will once again be working for someone else, and the thought terrifies me. I can't help but think back to what it was like before, getting up for work just knowing something was going to go wrong, something would piss him off and the day would go to shit. Driving to work with a knot in my stomach not really knowing what mood he would be in for the day, how to approach him, what calls would come in and set him off, an...

This past week I've been battling a nasty cold, I feel like it's on it's way out now, but it's still lingering. This has caused me to be extra tired, and at time rather cranky, but I've been surviving. What it also has caused, is me to slow down. Friday night I was off from Wendy's and normally I take that night to go out and do things with friends, or hang out somewhere, but I was so tired by the time I was done working Friday I did what my mother had been suggesting for quite some time, I stayed home and curled up on the couch. It's become such a rare occasion that I take time to just let myself be sick, rest and heal, and it felt pretty good. It's not uncommon at night for me to space out, I just usually do it somewhere else lol. To top it off today I did nothing. Literally nothing. Well nothing to me always means something. :) I managed to get out of bed long enough to go to lunch with my parents, then came home and laid down on the couch. O...

Yeah, here I am living up to stereo types, and breaking them apart all at the same time. I spent this lonely boring afternoon in this place lacking customers watching Sex and the City on my computer in the office. I started it a little bit before the football game and planned on watching the movie until the game came on, but low and behold I got caught up in the movie and realized the game would still be going when it was done. Damn, what a great movie. I've just come to realize that there is nothing wrong with living up to some of the stereo types, and it's o.k. to be gay and watch football. You are who you are, no matter what you do, it's not what you do that says if you're gay, it's all in who you are. I have straight friends that are into fashion, I was always told that was a gay trait....hmmm......straight man spends $150 on clothes to go to a bar in...gay man spends $15 on a new pair of Wal-Mart special shoes to go with his 8 year old jeans. Life is just a ...

You know, every weekend I spend down there it only strengthens two thoughts: 1) that the move I hope to make there just feels right. and 2) That I'm meant to move there. I always smile when I get close and come over the hill and see part of the city laid out before me, the huge smile I had on my face as we drove through downtown on Saturday night, the comfortable feeling I get while I'm there, although finding my way around makes a little nervous, but so did Detroit before I moved there. It all just seems so right. D and I were talking over a beer and a smoke just out of range from our friends and talked about everything that has happened over the last 9 years and how it seems just so fitting we all end up down there. I have a hard time with fate, and I'm still not sure if that's what I call it, but it all seems to be adding up to something, and it's kind of exciting. The length of the story goes like this, and it's annoying with just letters instead of names,...

O.K. since my last blog entry threatened the safety of my fingers, I thought I would look around and see if there was another I could take. Anderson Cooper unleashed a side of Jake I wasn't sure about, so I decided to stay away. LOL. So here is my latest...Gale Harold. I fell in love with him as Brian Kinney in Showtimes Queer as Folk, and the love was recently revived by his new role in Desperate Housewives. Now, although the mystery about what's under Gale's clothes has been lost (Thank you Queer as Folk) I still find him quite beautiful....yeah, that's the word I'll use. :) What a fine piece of sculpted man. And Jake, I'm willing to fight for this one. ;)

What a weekend I had, non stop and always on the go. I had a great time, but I could use a day off to catch up. LOL. Friday night I was supposed to be leaving for Cinci, had this plan actually worked I would have been o.k., but due to some vacations and such at my second job getting that night off as well was just not in the cards. Not to mention Friday morning I get a funeral order called in to be delivered today (Monday) which had me busting my tail all day to get it done, since I wasn't going to be around this weekend. So I got the funeral order done and closed the store, went to my second job which was awful. The night was so busy, we couldn't get anything done and then the crew got a bit crazy and we didn't end up getting out of there until like 1:30am. I was already behind schedule, so off I went to run home, got my store paperwork done and set everything up for Saturday, went and loaded my car with what I could, tried to chase down my missing garden hose to take to...

Not in the actual sense of sleep walking, but have you ever just felt like there are a few days in a week that you just went through the motions like you were sleep walking through them? That's the way this weekend was. I was tired, so very tired, but it just felt as though I was sleep walking through everything I was doing. Friday night I worked, which I usually feel like I'm sleep walking through that all the time, I do what I have to do to get through the night and then come home and go to sleep. Saturday I woke up feeling good, which is a bit strange for me, usually Saturdays are not good mental days for me, but I felt good so I cleaned my house while watching the store. I got three rooms done and it felt really good, it was nice to have my house back, versus the garbage pit it had become. But sometime Saturday afternoon my mind went to sleep. I began saying things out of the ordinary for me, getting grouchy and touchy and sensitive. I went and spent some time with F...

There is just something so beautiful about this man. I don't watch his shows, I don't read his articles, but he is so stunning. I'm not sure what rock I've been living under, but while I searched to find his photo, I found out he's gay, not that I have a chance, but still. Isn't he dreamy? lol.