Freedom comes from Confinement

So the last several days or weeks even I’ve been battling with this dark cloud above my head. I think it was sent to me from B who seems to be finally seeing clear skies again. I’ve been trying to figure out what it is and I just can’t lock in on the cause or the problems. When this cloud arises in my life it shows me all the bad in my life, how I’m so old and so alone, how financially unsecure I am at an age where I should be comfortable, how unhappy I am becoming with my surroundings and so on and so forth. For those of you who are regulars here, you’ve been following the tale, for those new people here, well just read the archives. Last night I was talking to a friend at work and it dawned on me about what part of the problem is. I am surrounded by doom and gloom. In one week I have had three women crying on my shoulder about their horrible lives. One who’s marriage is on the rocks, one who had to end things with a great guy because they saw different futures, and one who ...

O.K. I have had like three hundred blog ideas in my head for a week, I'm not sure I could possibly remember them so I'll start general. Friday I caught the flu. I'm not one to get the flu very often, but apparently when you're wore down the flu attacks very easily. I had so much to get done that I had to keep trucking along and stop from time to time to puke. Sounds sanitary right? Yeah. I puked so hard I actually broke blood vessels in my left eye, it's not pretty and people keep wondering what's wrong with it. Oh the life of a store owner right? Don't worry I had help and lots of gloves to make the meat and cheese trays I had to get done. : ) My cousin came in and watched the store for me at about 2:30 which allowed me to go in and lay down. I had to come out from time to time to help her as it was her first time running the register and actually working, but she did a great job. After my first few short naps I was feeling a little better, but the lo...

So have you ever been sitting in a group and felt like you were invisible. Like you are talking and no one will even look your way? I've been feeling like that with my family lately. Not my immediate family but with my aunts and uncles etc... We had a family meeting the other day regarding our family's team for the event. Months ago when we decided to do this I had said I was going to make the offer of if the store raised $1500 I would let the family shave my head the day of the event, people were luke warm about the idea, but I knew it would be fun so I kept up with the idea. So we're sitting at this meeting talking about ideas and my aunt makes the announcement that my uncle has made the offer if we raised $5000 for the team he would shave his head. Everyone thought that was the greatest thing since sliced bread! My sister turned and looked at me and was like "WTF?" I shook my head. Every idea I had was restated through someone else and everyone just jumpe...

So I really shouldn't post when I'm like this but I have to say I love kahki pants. Not on me so much as I haven't found a comfortable pair yet, but I think that's because of my size. But I had 8 count them 8 customers today of the male persuasion of course come in wearing the greatest kahki's I could imagine. They hugged in all the right places and made me swoon. yes, swoon. LOL. I just had to share that bit of information. I've been so busy lately I have not had the time to blog much about anything. Sadly with as busy as I've been there hasn't been much to blog about. Just mundane things. I would ordinarily say there isn't much "gay" going on in my life as this is what I created this blog for, but there really isn't anything going on. There are things as usual, but not really anything worthy of a blog. Well there is but it's something I can post on my other blog, and I will if I can get through this one and get it done before I ...

I wrote this last night after I got home from my neighbors: So I spent the night a little drunk and talking to my neighbors and having a good time. At the end of the night I came stumbling home and walking into this building and thinking….”Damn, what a great life I lead” And I was perplexed by this idea. How can someone have such a wonderful life and be so miserable all at the same time. I said it best to G when I said, I’m happy with what I have, I’m just so tired. I’m exhausted to no return. I work and I work and I work, but it’s not for nothing, I’m actually making progress in this shell of a dream and I should take pride in that at least, but yet I don’t. I think back to my time in Michigan, I was working like a dog and getting treated like shit and yet I felt like it was so good. I had the money to do pretty much whatever I felt like, but lacked the time to enjoy it. I constantly found myself being beaten down by my boss and constantly questioning everything I did. I was h...

So as this is the store blog I thought I would take a moment to update the store status. Today rental unit #2 was approved by the county inspector to be legal and safe. That was the final approval I needed to legally rent the space out. Now to get it a seperate address. Phones were installed in rental unit #3 and the space is also finished. Now I have to schedule the final approval on that space as well. What this means is I actually have three businesses under my roof. I can't explain how weird that is. When I bought this place over two years ago there were days I was here all by myself. Seriously, 7500 square feet of loneliness. Rental #1 (the beauty shop) was the only place this place had to rent out and was "ready" to rent out. After so much stress and spending I now have three fully rentable spots in my building. Two of them could use a little addition, such as a bathroom, but for now with the people I have renting, it's o.k. I am purchasing a camera system f...

So I've been thinking alot about politics, as is easy to do when the primary has been going on. This isn't really a blog about the candidates political views as we don't really know their views. We know what they tell us, but how often are those their real views? Most of the time it's what they think we want to hear and what the party tells them to say. They are all puppet masters. So out of all the candidates I was most impressed with Huckabee, now it's not that I think Huckabee would make a great president, but given our choices, what more could I say? Since when is voting for president just choosing the one person that you feel will do the least amount of damage to the country? Why are we not presented with someone who excites us and makes us thrilled to vote? We get who excites the party, and who does that? Puppets. The republican party was started as a party that believed in small government. What happened to that party? Now all of a sudden the republican pa...

So I've been thinking the last day or two about my anxiety. I've been starting to wonder how much of this has to do with how much time I spend trying to make customers happy. I spend nearly 70 hours here trying to keep people happy and another 15 hours at Wendy's trying to keep customers happy. That's 85 hours of just customer service. How can anyone survive that? Anyone that has worked customer service can relate. Customers are not the easiest people in the world to deal with. Why? Because of the phrase "the customer is always right". People have decided that means the customer is the only human in this equation. That the customer service representative is somehow below the customer in the chain of human life. That's what drives me crazy. A customer service rep has to handle so many problems, absorb so much abuse and some how turn that all into energy used to help this person. I guess that's what christianity is all about. To take what you have t...

Oh what a weekend. A horrible sales day on satruday still turned into a fun day. The neighbors were over most of the day working on their new office space in the back of the building, which turned out great I must say. They moved fast and it's nearly done. While they were working the neighbor's father had a good bottle of Black Velvet with him as he likes the drink. He invited me to join him in a few drinks. I'm not one to turn down whiskey at all, so of course I poured myself a drink, then two, then three, then....well you get the idea. By the time I closed I was feeling really good. S swung by to take me to dinner at his uncle's bar and I was in rare form. At the bar drama unfolded but it wasn't my drama so it wasn't that bad, but it was informative to S's family and what he deals with on a semi daily basis and it answered so much about s that I never realized about him and his family. But we had a good time and continued onto the Legion to play pool...