Thursday, October 7, 2010

Oh love, you surprise me even at my age.

So while I was attending my first college, I had a writing class. It was an introductory class required for all freshman. It was a fun class with a fun and cute professor that made even the most mundane aspects of writing were fun and interesting. It was a night class so it was a very interesting and fun diverse group. I sat next to a woman in her 70's that was just a hoot and I loved talking to her.

Well anyway one assignment we had was to descriptively describe what we thought love was. It was an interesting assignment as there were young people like me, older people like my friend, some divorced people etc... When we had our assignments complete we would get into groups and read each other's essays and talk about them. Sometimes it was about the writing itself and sometimes it was the story and sometimes it was both.

So I wrote this story about what I thought love was. How devoted each person should be, how each could have their own life and yet be a part of one another. I wrote about how deep love should be, how love should be deep enough that you would give your own life for the one you love. Everyone agreed it was a great essay but the group agreed I was too love to fully understand love.

All of the married people in the group said they would not give their lives for their husbands/wives. How they would give their lives for their children, but never for their spouse. I was in shock by this. I asked them how they could honestly say that their love only went so deep, that they had limits as to what they would do for one another and that I didn't want a part of that love. They told me I was much to young to understand.

It pissed me off, it still pisses me off. I knew they were wrong, and honestly I still think they are wrong. My grandparents would have given their lives for one another easily. My grandmother wept as my grandfather took his last breath and screamed for God to take her and not him. This is the love I was raised around. If you were to ask my parents if they would give their lives for one another they would both answer yes without hesitation. This is what I know, and this is what I've grown to expect. No less. It sounds crazy to some, and maybe there are people that can spend their lives with someone that has limits on their love, I'm not sure and maybe that's why I'm still single, who knows.

But just when I think my family is full of freaks, well more than normal anyway, I have a new story to tell you.

A dear friend of mine suffers from kidney failure. He's had a rough few years medically since he had his heart attack several years ago, then he got diabetes, and then his kidney's shut down. He's been having a rough time but putting on a brave front and doing what he had to do to keep on living. He'd get up at 5am to go sit at dialysis for 4 hours and then go work his 12 hour day and then home. He does it because he has too.

His wife, also a very dear friend of mine who I met first is the most loving and incredible woman you can meet. They had a rough go of it the first few years, there was fighting, there was screaming, there was a terrifying car chase I was involved in but through it all they loved each other. She said it best when she told me they wouldn't fight as bad if they didn't love each other. When you spoke to each of them separately they would not bad mouth each other except in the usual funny banter, never bitching about anything they wouldn't talk about with each other. They didn't have many secrets from each other and would do anything for one another.

This is proven in this story, trust me. So as he was cleared to be put on the transplant list by his doctors the search started. He told me he had a tough time asking anyone and didn't want to ask anyone he knew to even consider it. Three of his kids from previous marriages never even considered it, in fact one asked what kind of money was involved if he were to die. Yeah, those kids take after their mother. His youngest child who is in jail for reasons that would require an entire post in itself met with his lawyer and the warden to see if he could at least get tested and they told him if no one else from the family stepped up they would start the paperwork to at least get him tested.

Well to every one's surprise (except mine) his wife wanted to get tested and really wanted to be the one to donate a kidney to her husband. The doctors explained what would happen, all the risks etc... and she took a few days to actually consider it and convince her husband to at least let her get tested. He didn't want anything to do with it but let backed down because he knows his wife. lol. Her brothers, sisters, father, step mother and even her kids told her there was no way she would even consider it, and they wouldn't support her in doing it.

Of course this didn't seem to stop her because she is who she is and knows her husband has been more of a support system for her than her family ever was, and I'm including her kids in this as well. Long story short she was tested and text me today that she is a match and she's already packing and making the plans to get it done. She didn't care who supported her because she was doing it regardless. When I first talked to her about it all I told her I knew she would do it and I thought it was a great idea. I told her she'd be selfish if she didn't, I mean how would her husband feel with two bum kidneys and her sitting on the same couch with two good kidneys?

She got a kick out of it and knew I had her back.

To me, that's what love is. This post is a bunch of rambling and doesn't have a real flow and would seriously disappoint my writing instructor, but I don't care.

Love does exist, it's not a myth and it will totally be worth my waiting time to find it. I will not settle for anything less because I deserve it.

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