Freedom comes from Confinement

So I went out tonight to the club for drag night. A bunch of people from work planned it to be my last horrah before leaving town. I had a great time, don't get me wrong based on the following post, but I did have a great time. I went out and danced with the people and had a great time. There was a moment I was so sad because I was going to miss it. I was going to miss the club and the people I went there with, the people I enjoy out of work. It's the end of an era, what else can I say. On the way home with S he told me that one of his conquests had mentioned in passing about one of his previous conquests was one of my first straight crushes, what was once my best friend. What was once my life, my crush, my everything cheated on his wife with this random guy, when at one time we shared something. I realize how awful that sounds, how awful it makes me feel, he at least wasn't married at the time. I'm still not sure if he even remembers, but I was so filled with je...

So, I said in my last post I was hoping to be productive.  Well here is what my day turned into, it says a lot about my horrible eating, and so much more about me. lol.  I'll start with my to do list. To Do (AM) -go with julio to pick up computer in Toledo because of shipping issues (afternoon) -Get boxes organized in Dining Room and bring down stuff from the attic -grocery shopping (evening) -cook dinner -watch movie Sounds like a simple plan, a productive yet not overplanned day right?  Well it's not how it ended up. Got to julio's house at 8:00am, rode to Toledo to pick up the computer at Fed Ex compound.....had to find it first. lol.  We decided to stop at Bass Pro Shops so I could see the place and check out any camping gear I might want for my next camping trip.  We spend an hour looking at everything, trying on sun glasses, just having a good time with dumb jokes and fun humor. Head back to his house to set up the new computer, spend a little bit out ther...

The following is a PSA Announcement When the lighting strikes a power line and shorts out the power to three restaurants, it's not their fault.  The employees nor the manager can magically turn the power back on just because you're hungry.  They also have no legal responsibility to find you a restaurant that does have power just because you're too lazy to cook for yourself.  It is not necessary to swear at these people as they have enough issues of their own to deal with, helping you with your non existent problems is not part of their job descriptions.  While we're at it, let me say this as well.......if the dining room is filled with smoke it is not necessary for each of the 50 customers in line to mention it to the employees, in case you didn't notice, the entire kitchen is filled with smoke as well.  That guy in the back that is coughing, on the phone and messing with the breakers in the back? Yeah, that's the manager and he's doing the best he can.  If...

I don't like to share things if it's a situation I created myself and even worse if it's a situation I created out of my own stupidity. The honest truth is the fact that I have closed my business and let the buyer move in and open his own business and I don't have a signed contract for him to actually buy the business yet.  Because of a series of issues that's just the way it happened.  It's a small town and a person's word is still considered a done deal.  The problem is we ran into issues with the coolers, issues that are resulting in the necessity to replace both compressors.  Well it's been a lot of back and forth between us, it got uglier in my head than it got in real life and it's been eating me alive from the inside out because I was afraid he was going to walk away from the deal because of this issue. Well after getting some legal advice about the situation and confronting the buyer with what the lawyer told me we are on the same page and th...

It sounds so silly to say how alone I feel right at this moment when I have tons of people that love me so much.  Why must they be spread out so far away?  Some as close as 20 minutes, some as far as a 2 days drive. There is so much going on and I feel like I'm going through everything all alone.  The buyer started some crap tonight at 1am.  Who can I call or talk to at 1am?  I hate this.  I said in my last post that sitting all alone during Patty's ceremony was o.k. but I'll be honest, it sucked.  I don't like the feeling of sitting amongst 200 people and feeling all alone.  I hate dealing with this deal all alone.  I feel like dealing with this is just as stressful as opening up when I did that 5 years ago.  I long for the day that I don't feel so alone.  I long for the day when I feel my problems are worthy of discussing with people other than this blog and the people that read or don't read it.  I long for the day of conver...

Well, here it is, going on two weeks out of my business and while it's nice to not have to worry about it, and I've gotten used to hearing all the activity out in the store and me not knowing what was going on, it still feels the same.  If anything I feel like things are harder.  The money is still tight as I'm still holding all the bills for it, but I guess it will change eventually.  The thing that really hasn't changed all that much is this feeling of limbo, and being stuck in it.  Without the closing of the loan I have nothing to get started with, and we won't close on that for two months, yet most of my house is in boxes, I have no moving date and really have nothing but plans with no dates.  I realize that even the two months is closing down on me and I'm resisting finishing packing, I'm panicked as I job search and overwhelmed with starting over again.  I know it's going to be great, I really do look forward to being there as it seems everything h...

Dear Patty, I won't stretch the truth at all.  You and I hardly knew each other.  I met you because you were married to a kind man that worked with my boss.  Your husband saw something in me that my boss didn't see and honestly I had a hard time seeing in me, a good honest hardworking employee, and friend.  Your husband is a very kind man who tried time and time again to build me up and show me that I didn't deserve the treatment I was receiving. This kind man introduced me to you several years ago and from moment one I could tell you two were made for each other.  You had joy and kindness radiating from you.  From the moment I met you and you hugged me I could feel the love you carried for everyone you met, I felt kindness and hope from you.  The conversations we shared from then on out I took to heart.  I listened to every word you said and tried to implant them into my head because you were filled with honesty and were genuine in everything you...

Yeah, it's crazy I know, but it's the truth.  This update is good, confusing, and just downright out in right field. So the asset appraisal came back and I was pretty happy with it, to no surprise the buyer was very unhappy with it.  When we met he voiced his concern and ended his comment with....."probably similar feelings to how you feel about the real estate appraisal"  He nailed that one on the head!  We decided together that the assets were probably worth less where the real estate was probably worth more so we decided together to just let it be and accept the numbers we had.  I luckily had spent the day deciding that I was just walking away.  I'm not making very much at all, by the time the bills are paid it could be almost be nothing, but I'm out of it and I'll be alive.  The bad part of this situation is we found out he can't close on his loan for 60 days because of paperwork involved for the secondary loan money he's getting.  Without the...