Freedom comes from Confinement

The past several months I've been listening and reading about everyone struggling and coming to terms with things God has been nudging them about. Personal issues they feel it is time to tackle, to open up and expose to God and begin a healing process. I have been trying to find my own, jealous of these nudges everyone else seems to be getting, direction and insight into how to start to right their lives and their hearts. It has been recently that I have realized that this is the process to begin the healing, that I need to watch other people go through it to begin to unravel my own. The more I started to think about these things the more I became overwhelmed. Overwhelmed because I'm realizing there is so much to do, so much to tackle and so much to dig up. I just don't know where to start, and then it came to me. My favorite phrase in the last year or so is "Those who live in glass houses should not throw stones" it's a very true to the word phrase and ...

Today at church with B the awesome band they have played an very upbeat version of this song, a traditional hymn that should be uplifting and inspiring, but it's been almost 8 years since I've been able to sing it, hear it, or recite the words without tears. I did a pretty good job fighting it off today and not making a scene, deep breaths and diverting attention to other things. I'm sad because I love that hymn, I love the words, I love the melody, and I love that it was my grandma M's favorite hymn of all time. Which is why it was only right to sing it when we burried my grandpa M, or why it happened to also be sung at every funeral I've ever had to attend for the people I have loved. Each time I hear that song now I am taken back, back to the day of her funeral, back to that pew shoulder to shoulder with my sister and brother, back to watching them wheel her casket into place, back to having to get up and carry my grandmother's casket out of the church and...

Hows does a person rid themselves of toxic people? People who are not good for you, people who hold you back or keep you down, or just not treat you very good. How do I walk away? Why do I care? How do I get myself not to care anymore? I guess I just hate being made the asshole when there is no reason to be. There really is no redeeming value to this friendship, or lack there of, they don't hold me up and somehow managed to make me feel worse for standing up for myself and turned this all back into somehow my fault. If they completely miss the point, are these people I need to even bother with? People I should be spending my time with? What does that say to my real friends? The people that really do care, the people that do hold me up, the people that support me and the people that love me. What does my spending time on this unhealthy friendship say to them? That somehow these people are more worth my time than they are? Everyone else has been able to write it off and move on...

It's real mature of you to one minute call me family and then three weeks later avoid me like the plague. You are thirty feet from me in your office removing your office furniture and send your wife to come borrow a screw driver. Seriously? What did I do that was so awful that you can't even speak to me? What did I do that was so awful that you don't even want to be near me? Everyone keeps telling me you just need time to come to terms with what YOU did before you can find comfort in your friends again. Seems to me you've been talking to everyone else except me. Was it because your wife cornered me into telling her that I was there the night you met up with this girl? Did you bother to notice I did not even begin to mention the other things that happened and the other things I saw that night? I didn't tell the rest because it would have only made a bad situation worse. She knew you'd been contacting her for months, so what I told her was not anything new. ...

It has been too long since I've updated this blog, partially because I've been too deep in thought, and partly because I've been so exhausted lately, and partly because I haven't had much to say lol. I've been giving a lot of thought to B's blog "Who we hold close" I've had to examine a few of my relationships due to some circumstances that were beyond my control but have opened my eyes. There are two people I have decided I need to cut my ties with, not completely, but I need to not hold them as close. I have spoken of I before, my infatuation with him and my concern for his well being, but I knew all along I held him close for all the wrong reasons. I did care for him as a person, but I had to ask myself, if he wasn't as cute, would I care as much? He did have a great personality that instantly drew me to him, and I guess I'll never really be able to answer that question, but I know that our ages and our upbringings puts us at differen...

I've edited this post because after sleeping for a night I realized it's not at all how I wanted to sound. I'm just going to keep this short. I'm just asking for prayer for my father who just got laid off after 30 years, it will be for only three months which we are grateful for, but it will be a hard time for my parents. Also for a customer of mine John who just found out he has cancer is entering in to a very scary time in his life, and he's a wonderful caring human being. That is all. thank you.

Yes it's true, I have finally officially listed the store for sale. It was a great relief when they posted the sign in front of the store and I didn't so much as have it listed that I started to hear rumors. You really have to watch what you say and who you say it too around here. A local man that is somewhat my competitor and I have talked many times and I got the impression he might be interested if I sold and I mentioned that to about 2 people that I would contact him once it was for sale and talk about it. Well by Sunday at church I heard a rumor that he had purchased the store. I was a bit floored. So today I got to spend some quality time on the phone with him trying to figure this out. He told me the only thing he's be interested in was the liquor license and asked if I'd be interested in selling that. I told him I would be happy to sell him the liquor license, but he had to take the rest of the package with it. He did ask who the listing was with and what I ...

Yes It's true. After battling with the decision for quite some time now, it is official. The store is now for sale. For anyone interested please contact Dirk Meyer at Whalen Realty and Auction at 419-599-4931. Included is the business, the real estate and all contacts and recipes. Everything goes except for my personal items. Ever dream of owning your own business? Now is your chance. Updated electric, updated plumbing and 3 occupied rental spaces with the potential for 2 more. What better way to open a business than with an income already built in? I've grown tired of this as my heart is no long in it. I am going to return to my profession of architecture, and hope to sell the store to someone that will take care of it and take it to the next level. Any questions feel free to email me or contact Dirk.