Freedom comes from Confinement

My birthday was quiet, calm and fantastic.  I was up late the night before getting my place clean and set up for the appraisal so I was really tired when I got up at 7:30 in the morning to start my day. I had just fallen into bed about 3:30am.  But I got up, got some coffee in me and met the appraiser at the door and spent 1/2 hour taking her through the building talking about the renovations and things we did to improve the quality of the building.  It went well, she left and then I headed out with my brother to get some plumbing supplies to replace a water line in my basement so my water would be drinkable again. While out and about I helped him shop for a new dryer as his died and he needed a new one. It was a nice time out with my bro.  I came home made some awesome quesadillas for lunch and then laid down for a 1/2 hour nap and then headed to the city to meet with an old friend of mine I only see once or twice a year.  We got to catch up, she took me to a f...

Yes, I must say while it wasn't exactly what I thought it would be, it was pretty damn close. I wish I could put to words what this evening made me feel like, the thoughts that ran through my head, the things I felt both literatly and figuratively, but for those that are squirmish about those sorts of things I'll leave them out of this blog, but it was a great night. While a part of me felt it was kind of wrong, a bigger part of me loved every minute. While it wasn't the birthday wish I have been hoping for, it did allow me to cross several items off the wish list, so all was good.  I must do this again before I move. :) I can't help but smile and be giddy after a night like this.  If the monsoon had waited to show up it could have been better, but we survived and all is good. Happy Birthday to me. :)

With the announcement of the passage of the variance last week and the last article in the paper my sales have truly hit rock bottom.  As far as this town is concerned the deal is done and I'm gone.  It's frustrating, but at the same time exciting as the deal grows closer.  I got some guff today about not being more excited, about not bouncing off the walls with excitement to be done.  I shrug it off but when my father asked me about it too I told him the truth, it's not done, it's still far from done.  Every time I get an email, or every time the buyer comes into the store or calls I keep waiting for the words.."I changed my mind, I'm walking away"  It's crazy I know, he's got money invested, he's announced on his website that he'll be moving in May, he's been quoted in the paper that with the passing of the variance that the deal was sealed.......and yet it's not.  There is no contract, no official agreement.  I know I should have...

So over the last few weeks while this deal has been falling together I remembered what it was like at the beginning and decided as a surprise I was going to have a couple of additional things done to the place above and beyond the agreement as a surprise and a gift.  Just one or two sizable things.  We had a couple of things to figure out for the contracts and he said he would prefer to use his own roofing contractor to fix the part of the roof that is leaking because he's hiring him to do the rest of the work to the roof he is electing to have done.  He sent along his estimate and it's well over twice what I had figured. He's taking the scope of the work towards the final destination of what he wants which is why it's so much more.  I decided to not fight the cost but I decided to cut all extras that I was thinking of providing.  I was suddenly reminded that this is a business deal, and a business deal it will be.  I'm in to the place for $2600 dollars at ...

The zoning board approved the changes unanimously tonight so the deal is moving again.  Friday is the meeting with the lawyer and I'm awaiting a phone call from the appraiser to set up a time to get the appraisal done.  There is still a nagging feeling in the back of my head but it's starting to feel right. There are moments in my life, they don't come too often when everything seems like it's leading to something....something great.  When I'm confident in my decisions and the direction I'm headed.  I always wonder if it's a sign that I'm coming around to the idea......or perhaps it's just in those moments where the chemicals in my head are fully balanced and that's what people feel like all the time.  Eh, I guess we'll see. lol. So I saw a trailer for Sex in the City 2 movie. When it first started I kept thinking they should have just let it end at the last movie, and then I saw him..........John Corbet....he's back..........I.must.see.t...

So I heard tonight that I fell madly in love with a gay stripper in Cincinnati and that's why I sold the store and I'm moving down there so we can be together. :blink: um......yeah, that was my first reaction as well.  Perhaps this would be a good time for a sidebar.....huh? So S is involved and chats frequently in the "under the radar" gay society of this little town.  The people who don't use names or send pictures because too many people know them and they hold positions in town and would be destroyed if they were to be found out.  Together we have pieced together the identity of several of their members, but he told me the latest started asking about me because I have been seen spending time with S in the past and he recently heard this rumor and wanted to know which way I swing to see if the rumor was true.  I died laughing.  I guess I have developed quite a reputation in this society by who I'm spending time with.  My friendships with Ron and Norm, my...

It was 5 years ago that I was working on purchasing this business.  Around this time I was working on a plan and started working with the SBA and going through paperwork, contacting banks, etc... All the while dealing with my jackass boss and a job I loved for a man I couldn't stand to be near.  What kept me motivated was the lyrics from a little musical called "Rent" Forget regret, for life is yours to miss. Those words kept me motivated and kept the drive alive inside of me.  I lived by those words for a long time and still keep my heart and my mind when things get tough. Here it is 5 years later and I'm about to sell the business and I'm a different person.  A new musical has come along and found a way to talk to me again.  It's from a little show called "Wicked" and the song is "Defying Gravity"  I've been listening to the soundtrack and the words jumped out at me and I've been thinking a lot about them, but when I saw them perf...

So I finally got around to watching the movie "Up" last night.  It.was.amazing. The story is so heartfelt and sad and great all at the same time.  A story about great love, great loss and moving on.  It wasn't the movie I was expecting at all. It's an image of how I always imagined love.  Granted it didn't show the bad times, but it shows what I expect.  Each of them caring for one another, getting through the tough times and the good times together.  I loved the end when he realizes she didn't die longing for her adventure because she saw her life as an adventure with him. I know it's out there, I know he's waiting for me as much as I am waiting for him.  I know he'll love me for who I am, he'll make me feel loved and comfortable and fill me with the love I've waited for. I'll be honest in saying I'm a bit disgruntle that he's missed out on the last 33 years and won't know what I've gone through to get to this point, an...

So this phrase has been weighing on my mind the last few months. B talked about being boy crazy when she was going through some of her stuff when I was down in Cinci last time and it came up again when S mentioned it when we went out last month or so. I had really been getting down on myself about being too boy crazy the last six months or so but I've recently realized everyone goes through this, I've just seemed to hit it much later in life than most. Early on in my life all of my guy friends went through the girl crazy period. I stayed silent through most of this period because I really had no interest. These girls were my friends and I didn't think of them that way. In fact I didn't see any girl in that way, I was crazy about some of my friends and many of their friends, but I knew from my up bringing that it was wrong and I shouldn't even open my mouth even a little bit about the subject. I would listen the girls I was friends with go nuts over the guys and ...

I'm not sure why, but it seems I always reflect on one particular good Friday since it happened. I was trying to remember the year this afternoon and I just couldn't think of it. I think I had already graduated college, but I can't remember for sure. I was driving home from Michigan, it was strange weather, they were calling for severe storms later that evening. I always headed home early on Good Friday to attend our Good Friday services, I hadn't missed one yet because I enjoyed them so much. I'm heading down 23 south just enjoying my music and I came up on stopped traffic just outside of Dundee Michigan. I still had plenty of time so I wasn't rushed or upset, it was not uncommon for stops on 23 so I just slowed down and stopped. I enjoyed my music for awhile longer, had a cigarette or two and started to get a little antsy when I noticed people were sitting on their cars instead of in their cars, so I got out of my car as well. A nice guy (who was pretty ea...

So today was a day I never saw coming. I have taken Xanex before, it helps me handle stress and allows me to laugh more, but today I discovered I really needed it to cope. It's never really happened before, not like this. This morning I really truly had a hard time convincing myself to get out of bed. I've had days where I didn't want to get out of bed, but it was because I was tired or just too comfy. But this morning I was different. Getting out of bed just seemed so overwhelming, the idea of being a member of society was more than I could take. After an hour or so I finally convinced myself to just take it step by step. Get out of bed, then to make coffee, etc... I managed to get into my usual routine for the morning. Then I had to get some banking done and headed into my office to get the deposits and such made and came across the stack of bills and nearly lost it. The stupid thing is there is money to pay those bills, I have the stamps I need to mail them, I ...