Today started as any ordinary day, forced myself out of bed, got ready for work and went to work.
Today was a day I felt self concious, I don't know what brought it on. I was in a comfort zone, a place that doesn't normally trigger this feeling.
Today was the day I constantly pulled at my shirt because I felt my bulges were too defined by the tight shirt I'm forced to wear.
Today was the day I wouldn't pick things up off the floor because of how I think I look when I bend over in these pants.
Today was the day my feet reminded me how much weight I carry around on them all day long.
Today was a day I felt customers staring at me thinking "Poor guy in his thirties and this is the best he can do"
Today was a day that I felt customers thinking "Hey buddy, just because you work here doesn't mean you have to eat everything, looks like you could put the chicken down"
Today was a day that you looked at me and I couldn't speak because I didn't think I was worthy.
Today was a day that you joked with me, and I thought you were making fun of me.
Today was a day you laughed about something out of hearing range and I thought you were laughing at me.
Today was a day I felt inept to do a simple task.
Today was a day I felt useless and unworthy of my skin, all 500 pounds of it.
Today was a day I felt lazy because I took a nap after work.
Today was a day I felt like a hog because I had a can of soda.
Today was a day I felt everyone staring at me judging every choice at the grocery store.
Today was a day I felt you staring at me wondering how fat could someone get.
Today was a day I felt as if you wondered how much fabric it took to make enough clothes to cover me.
Today was a day I felt as if I haven't done anything with this life.
Today was a day I felt as if you were watching me feeling sorry for me, the lonely guy alone at Chipoltle.
Today was a day I felt you judging me for eating the entire burrito and snacking on the chips.
Today was a day I could feel you staring into my soul, knowing the thoughts I'm having and laughing because you know you would never lower your standards enough.
Today was a day I felt you watching me drive by thinking you were in college so you didn't end up driving the beat up truck you see before you.
Today was a day I felt you watching me and laughing at how I walk.
Today was a day I felt like the worlds largest man still able to walk.
Today was a day I felt you judging my clothes.
Today was a day I felt every choice I've made in the past was wrong.
Today was a day I felt as if my choices for the future may be wrong and that's why the future is not happening.
Today was a day I felt so distant from everyone else on the planet.
Today started out as any ordinary day, today was a day that wasn't really bad. Today was a day that nothing out of the ordinary happened, but today was the day I couldn't escape my head.
Tomorrow though, is a new day.