Saturday, September 1, 2007

All I want is a nap.

So my business has been hitting some bumps in the road here lately. It's been dragging me down and my sleeping patterns are all out of wack and it's leaving me very sleepy and irritable, it's just not a good situation. I work somewhere between 90 and 100 hours a week. It's getting old. It's been 18 months and I thought I was seeing a light at the end of the tunnel, but it turns out it was just my eyes. Things just keep falling apart around me and I'm having problems coping. When things go good, something smashes me upside the head without me seeing it coming, when it's going bad it seems the good part is just soooo far away. There are days I just want to give it all up and go back to my old life, or a whole different life. But then I have a good day and realize why I did this to begin with.

I just figured a business like this I should not have so much time to blog on a Saturday, I used to be sooo busy on Saturdays but here lately it has not been so. I have been getting busier during the week, so I guess it balances out, but I was hoping to just continue to grow and so far it seems pretty stangant. I'm thinking I'm going to create a new blog just for this sort of stuff. There haven't even been any cute boys or bulges to stare at today like other days. I just want to curl up and fall asleep. When I was working for someone else 7 hours was enough to keep me going all day, which I'm sure would still be the case, but I haven't been able to sleep that long in nearly 2 years!! I get an average of 4 1/2 hours a night which has really taken it's toll on me. I'm never sure just how long I'll be able to keep this pace up.

A part of me wishes this would all go away, I could move on with my life, go back to work for someone, move away from my hometown and begin my gay life. I feel like I'll never get to live a full gay life when living in a town of bigotry and hatred. But I've put everything I have and everything I am into this place, all my resources, and to watch it go down would just kill me. To see someone else take over and try to make a go of it would really just be a kick in the junk to me.

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