Freedom comes from Confinement

I had dinner with an old friend who will be moving in the opposite direction a few weeks from now. The dinner was with her family since she's staying at her parent's house during this transition in her own life. We had a bonfire and had a great time. I met her brother who.was.hot. I eye stalked him all night and had so much fun doing it. lol. Well I'm dismantling my computer in a few minutes, I'm going to miss my computer and it's only going to be a few days, but I'm going to miss it. This is also the last night for no pants time in my house. Tomorrow night I'll be staying at my parents as well as the next night, and then it's off to Cinci. While I'm going to miss certain aspects of living alone, I'm also looking forward to having company and a partner in crime. :) I can't believe it's finally happening. After over a year of planning and dreaming, it's finally happening. It's so hard to believe. :) I promise I'll post s...

6 days people!! It's flying by so quickly! I think I've changed the addresses I need to change etc... I'm so overwhelmed by the amount of stuff that needs to happen, the packing that needs to be finished and the amount of stuff to be packed into that moving trailer! lol. It's going to work out, it's going to work just fine. Then there is the camping trip two days after I move that I need to prep. for while I settle in, then it's that pesky job thing I need to find. lol. Then there is the collecting of rent next month while I'm in Cinci. the paying of bills, etc... but I can't wait. :) I'm so excited under all this stress, and there are times the excitement bubbles to the surface. :) I'm almost there, I'm almost there!!! We're packing the trailer a day earlier than I thought so I probably won't be posting until after the move. I'm staying with my parents a couple of nights because everything should be loaded on the trailer. Oh...

So I was at a family reunion today...mind you it was not my family so it's all good. But I realized one of the things I'm going to miss about living in a farming community is the honest to goodness real farm boys. It's a real shame I have to blur his face but in order to protect the innocent I have to blur his identity. Yes these photos are a bit stalker like, but they were cropped to remove the actual subjects I was taking a picture of. I swear it was just a happy accident that he happened to be in most of my photos......I promise... ;) O.K. so I may have taken one or two photos for Jake and Cody when no one was looking and that may be a little stalker like. I can admit it and I'm only slightly ashamed by it. :) O.k. I'm really not all that ashamed, I had to have his photo after watching him all day. That's not creepy.........is it? I tried to get a photo of his other great asset, but was not able to without being obvious. :)

It's crazy to think that I'm in a financial funk, but then again I've been in it for years now. I know I'm going to be fine, but the unknowns are killing me. When will I start working? How much is the move going to cost me? Will I have the money to do anything once I get moved? How am I going to afford living somewhere else? Just talking about money digs me further and further into a hole. Everything is current except one bill and yet it feels as if it's going to all fall apart so quickly, I know it won't, I really do know it won't, but my mind is racing all on it's own. I spent sometime today working on a house design to take my mind off of it. It's a house that will probably never be built, it's for no one in particular but it helps take my mind off of things. Some people play video games, I design homes. lol. Being in this building still does not help my mental state of mind, it's as if everything is still the same. O.K. breath, calm d...

So it's kind of nice to only have one blog to worry about now, I really want to work some more on the layout, etc... but I'm just not sure what I want on there yet. I also need to create a new banner, but I have to wait until the creative mood strikes me. So I'm really close on being all packed. Only a few more boxes and tubs and it's all done until moving time. I'm selling my washer and dryer, finalizing details, and applying for jobs. It's hard to explain everything that's running through my mind. I had all these plans in my head for things I wanted to do, people I wanted to spend time with and trips I wanted to make before I left, but as it happened last time, I don't have the time or money to do them once again. There are people I wanted to make plans with, plans that both parties had and I seemed to be the only serious person. I made the time, had the plans but it seems no one wants to walk the walk. It's been kind of hard on me, it's ...

I have a theory that is so going to be proved some day. That's enough said for now. lol. What is it about dancing my butt off and the lack of central air that has me sweating my butt off today..........do you think it will work? My butt will be 3 sizes smaller in the morning? If so it would be totally worth it. lol.

What would happen if you were suddenly in bed with the last person who text you? no one would be shocked except her and I, we're rumored to be sleeping together anyway, but she's the friend that likes to watch male strippers with me. lol. Is the last person you kissed the one you like? I like her but not in that way....see above. Do you smoke weed everyday? no, I'm so over that crap, it was a time period that was short lived and will never be revisited. Next time you will kiss someone on the lips? I'm going out tonight, so who knows! lol. What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? I worked, then stayed up until 3am working on a house design. Last thing you watched on tv? currently watching My First Place Do you wear eyeliner? uh no, not something that I've ever considered.....or would even consider. Plan on getting drunk or high tonight? no, plan on having a few drinks, but drunk is not on the schedule Do you like to sleep? I feel like I'm...

So I've been trying to recall what it was that set off the last post. What was it that happened recently that made me slide back behind all the progress I had made in my self esteem battle in loving who I am, and I realized. I was at a graduation party a few weeks back and my car was parked behind someone else's vehicle so they made an announcement asking if whoever owned the car would move it, I got up and started to walk towards my car to move it and heard a comment coming from one of the tables....."Jesus, I don't think he could even fit in a Neon" Such a comment from someone I didn't even know, it reaffirmed everything I had ever thought and a major part of me wanted to back my car out onto the highway into traffic and just wait to get hit. I know how crazy that can sound at times, I wouldn't ever do it, but that's the thought that crossed my mind. I know there is more to me than this body that I hate so much, I just feel like a fool letting mys...