I had the intention of reviewing last year's posts and reflecting on last year like B did on her blog. I started reviewing my posts and by the time I got to June something came over me.....depression. Wow, my blog is so damn heavy! I could barely muster the energy to get through the year I had brought myself down so much! I did notice a strange upswing around August though....hmmm. I guess everyone is right that my mood changed after I stopped working hellish hours all the time.
All I can say about last year is thank goodness it's over! I really should stop posting so much heavy stuff and maybe break it up a little with something fun and happy. Maybe I could concentrate on the good in my life from time to time.
I do give myself a bit of a break because this past year I have gone through some pretty heavy stuff. My relationship with the people across the street that I thought was so family like, so strong and so loving turned out to be nothing but a charade, a facade, and my eyes were opened to what everyone was seeing the whole time. It took me a bit to work through it, but I'm glad I did. This year I also came to terms with some of my biggest problems with religion head on. It was a long and ugly battle that really didn't turn around until a few weeks ago. It was a long ugly battle full of kicking and screaming and a true battle of the wits.
I see now how it affected nearly every post, how I looked at thing, and I how interacted with people. It seems silly to say that two blog posts were the reason for my seeing the light, because it was a year's worth of searching, thinking, and praying that was the base of the solution, but these two blog posts really shattered the remaining pieces of the wall that prevented me from going church and really appreciating religion for what seems like the first time in my life. So while I will not idolize Jake and Tim for writing them, I will thank them for writing them when they did because they were in no small part the final straw to help me get through a very rough time. So Thank you!
God has been working in my this past year to help me heal and help me finally figure out what it has been holding me back from furthering my journey with Him. He's helped expose wounds that will still take time to heal, but it's going better than it was before. lol.
I'm still struggling with the store. Monday I'm calling a new Realtor to hopefully get this place off my back. It's been a huge thorn in my life, but it's one that was supposed to be there, one that helped me heal if that makes any sense at all. lol. These past several years have been the hardest and best of my life. I've learned a lot about myself over the years, I've learned who to be closer to, who to cut ties with and who to keep at a distance.
I struggled a lot with the idea of being out of the closet, or more about the possibilities of what could happen when I'm finally fully out, but I've decided to just take it as it comes and not pressure myself about the whole thing. I've had some great experiences coming out to a few people, and I should just live in the moment and enjoy what God brings my way.
Over all I've watched myself grow, and while that seems a bit selfish looking back over the past year, I must say it's my blog and it always seems selfish. lol. I don't think it was a bad year, honestly it was actually a good year and I can only hope this year is as good financially and materialistically as this past year was spiritually. I look forward to the new challenges ahead and look forward to the changes on the horizon and hope those changes are sooner than later. lol.
Thanks for riding along with me so far, your comments have been great and helpful and hope they continue (yes, I'm a comment whore). I realize this blog may be a bit heavy at times, but I'm learning it's just how I write. :)
Happy New Year everyone!