Saturday, November 14, 2009

discombobulation.

I'm not sure what's been happening to my mind recently, I find myself working on myself, but at the same time withdrawing from life which is funny because I've been just so busy running from one thing to another. The last week or so I feel like I've been floating out of my body just watching life happen and watching myself interact and attend things and work. I feel like I'm not taking a part in anything and I'm not sure how to explain it.

I just don't feel right in the head. I've been working so hard on my relationship with God, and yet I'm pulling away at the same time. I shrug at the idea of church and I become so sceptical when people start talking religion. I listen to a few, but for the most part I find the cynical side of me taking over and I keep fighting it.

What's happening to me? I'm not finding what I want out of the usual things I used to do to pass time, I'm not finding that much fun in things I used to love. I avoid 80% of my google reader because I feel like the those blogs no longer appeal to me, but I don't delete them because I feel like I might come back to them. I find some of the blogs just so superficial I can barely even read the titles.

I don't feel like I have anything to say to anyone, I feel like nothing that comes out of my mouth is worth it's weight and that no one will find any benefit in what's in my head. I feel like I could just lay in bed under the covers for months and not be bothered by it.

I hope I'm just tired and run down after this week, but it feels like more than that. I just really can't explain it right, so I feel like this blog post is pointless, but it is my blog, so I'll write whatever I want. ;)

1 comment:

  1. Your post wasn't pointless, P. You were able to vent a little, and that's always good. You can write whatever you want, whenever you want; whether you write it here, keep it to yourself, or just erase it when your done. Sometimes it's good to just get it out.

    (((HUG)))

    ReplyDelete