A moment in my mind

I have spent the last 6 months purposely working on my self esteem, especially when it comes to my own thoughts and my internal monologue.  I have been getting much better at not talking myself down and finding self worth in myself, appreciate myself and just generally being nicer to myself in the hopes that if I found love with myself, perhaps I would be ready to let others love me. 

Six seconds into a conversation with a cute boy who was interested in at least getting to know something about me and I completely mentally melted down back into the person and the thoughts I was over six months ago.  I had problems keeping a conversation going because in my head I kept asking why a cute boy would talk to me, why he would even move seats to talk to me.  I couldn't understand anything that was happening.  I faked it as much as I could to keep the crazy on the inside, but I was just a hot mess inside. 

Ug.  Why can't I just live in the moment and meet new people like the normals?  How is it I can see value in myself until someone else tries to?  How do I get this to stop?  Perhaps I just need to jump into these situations more until they feel normal.  I don't know, all I know is it's just time for this to stop, it holds me back so much, it just needs to end.

Comments

  1. Ummm, did you not see my text? Cute boy thought you were hilarious and interesting.

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