So the last couple of weeks I started watching Drop Dead Diva on Netflix. It's the usual campy lawyer, dumb girl gone smart show that overall was pretty predictable, but about three episodes in I was floored by the strong subtext in the show. There is this amazing sub story about the main character and how she finds this inner strength to carry herself with such confidence. The main character was born a thin supermodel, super might be stretching it, but you get the point, some things happen and she ends up in the body of an over weight smart lawyer. The sub context in this story line blew me away. I couldn't stop watching because of this whole thing. It's so hard to put into words, but I can still find it so amazing that big people can have this confidence and this attitude of "yeah, this is me, get over it and love it". I have been working on it and searching for it, and this show came along just at a time I was giving up on it. I know it's just a t.v. show and it's just a character, but the writing for this character had to come from somewhere and it's just simply amazing.
To top it off I started watching season 3 of Ru Paul's Drag Race, I hate that I love that show so much. In season three they have three big girls, a couple of them are really big, and they have this amazing attitude that I wish I could bottle up and take myself. It's just like confidence is jumping out at me right now in so much that I watch or observe. It's telling me that's it's possible to love who you are, no matter what size you are, and no matter who you are. It's odd that I find this concept so hard to grasp. I love the idea of having this confidence, it would show through in every avenue of life and can be infectious.
Over the next year I'm really going to start making a physical and mental effort to work on this confidence, this confidence to just shine and be who I am and love myself for it. I'm going to work on no apologies for who I am, no excuses for my body. I am who I am and it's just time to love it. If I love myself and believe in myself enough, who knows what kind of year it could be. I am this size because a smaller body could not handle my personality. :)
I'll get there, I just know it.