Freedom comes from Confinement

It's a simple wish, no prince charming, no one sweeping me off my feet, just a hunk of a man walking into my store, grabbing my face and a kiss. A kiss that makes me feel alive, a kiss that awakens the feeling inside me that I've been missing, a kiss that makes me numb. I'm going to be 32 and I've never had a kiss like that, and it makes me sad. Something like this:

So what is it that brought me out of my funk, what is it that finally got that chip off of my shoulder. Well you see, it was a combination of several things really, there was time to myself, naps, and of course........4-wheel adventures!!! When I went last fall I got muddy but that was because I found every puddle possible even though there weren't that many to be found. This time was pretty different, around every sandy turn we were faced with this: Trying to find our way around was always fun, and sometimes when there was no way around we were forced to drive right through, feet up on the hood of the 4-wheeler to save our shoes and just hit the throttle barreling through the mud and the water splashing up against the seat and you could nothing but go faster and get make your way through it all until you were safely on the other side.....hmmm....I know most of you will pick up on the similarities between that and life, so I should probably save myself the trouble and continue...

A very good friend of mine pointed out to me this past week during my current shitty attitude that no matter what it is I want, I always find a way to get it. Even in a tanking business in a tanking economy I have found a way to get my ideas of remodeling done. I wanted to buy a business, I made it happen, I wanted out of Michigan, I made it happen. This and so many more things I find ways to make them happen, I'm not sure if it's stubbornness, or maybe determination, or what exactly it is about me that makes this happen, and yet I start to think about other things I want: I want to be healthy. Why is it I can't do this for myself? Why is it this drive or determination or whatever it is won't work on myself? Why can't I budget better? Why can't I eat better? Why can't I work out more? Why do I give up so easily on my physical and emotional self, but I push myself harder and harder on my material selections? What is it that is holding me back? I love hea...

I just wanted to take a moment to let you all know that I'm still alive. I have this GIANT chip on my shoulder that has been growing in recent days and I'm not sure why it's there or how it got there but my attitude as of late SUCKS! I really don't want to scatter those pieces around so I've been working on it and trying to figure out how to get it off my dang shoulder. I think I need some alone time, with Easter my usual Sunday alone time was not available so I've been around people constantly for a couple of weeks, either that or I need to go out and have a really great night, or a vacation, or something, I need to figure it out soon because I'm starting to annoy myself. I'll be back I promise and I'll fill ya in on what's been going on as of late.

So my brother's marriage has been in trouble for many years, roughly about three years that we can figure, he may know better, but we've been seeing signs for about three years now. I say signs because we've been watching her change. In the nearly nine years they have been married she has done a complete 180 degree turn from who she was to who she is and it's bothered us all. She doesn't attend many family functions and goes no where with my brother, she's completely not involved with anything in his life really, he tries to keep being a part of hers, but she doesn't seem to want him to be a part of it. They have been living completely separate lives for a couple years now, they are essentially roommates with a shared checking account. They have been renting a house for several years now while they rebuild their credit after their bankruptcy many years ago and recently the owner of the house has decided to sell it. They knew they didn't want to buy...

This is more for me so I can just write this dream out and think about it later, it was wild and I woke up exhausted! So I was living in a basement apartment above an estate. At first I really didn't know who lived in the estate, but I soon met him. He was gorgeous, way out of my league but he took a liking to me, always talking to me and inviting me over and asking me out. We went out several times and got to know one another and I found myself sitting in his living room. The living room was huge, two or three stories tall with a giant window facing the front with lead like shutters. We sat there several nights enjoying the moonlight coming through the window, but each time late at night it felt as if someone came through the window and joined us although I couldn't see them. One night we were making out on the couch and it was like I floated out of my body and was watching myself but suddenly noticed a ghostly witch heading towards the window and the floating me got real...