Freedom comes from Confinement

So a friend of mine died this week. She was the mother of my neighbors who at times were toxic and she knew it, but she loved them all the same. I would go out to her and her husband's house at night after all the grandkids and kids had all left and we would sit either out by the fire or on the back patio, just the three of us having great conversations. She looked rough on the outside but she was as sweet as could be with me. I connected with the two of them on a real friendship level that most 33 years old can't connect with 60 year olds, but I did. She had her problems as most people do but she was always so kind to me. She would tell me that when her husband and I would spend time together he was a better person and she enjoyed me coming to visit. She had many, many medical problems and fought for a good long time, but sadly she lost the fight. I'm not sure how to process it right now because I have been disconnected from the family since I moved and actually a l...

In many situations in life people can track back certain times in their life where some of their fears come from. I know where my claustrophobia comes from, I got trapped in a compartment in the back of our old station wagon and was trapped in there for 10 minutes before my parents were able to figure out what happened, safely pull over and get me out of there. I still cringe at the memory. But recently I'm realizing just how many things I'm afraid of and I can't help but wonder where it came from. I can't trace it back and I can't remember where some of these things developed from. Why for instance did it take me 6 months of living in my first place in Michigan before I went into the video store to rent movies? I would drive by all the time but it took me 6 months to walk in and get my membership to rent movies. Why did it take me 10 minutes of circling the Chinese restaurant before I got the courage to walk inside and order my food. What exactly do I think...

So it keeps being brought to my attention that it's o.k. to let the crazy out on here. The problem with that is I'm still afraid of falling into old habits. Old habits you may question? When I was a younger lad I wore my heart on my sleeve, if I was having a bad day or any kind of issue I let everyone aware of it. Well as time went on people grew tired of that because let's face it, in those teenage years of life there isn't much good, it's all doom and gloom and even I got tired of it. So I started keeping it to myself. I like to be put together, for the most part at the time of doing this it was more for the sake of those around me. It's weird because I started doing it because no matter what was happening in my life it wasn't as bad as theirs, or they would always turn the conversation to them, how it made them feel and how I was neglecting the friendship because I had problems that didn't involve them in some way. Yes I knew a lot of toxic peop...

Yes I know it's late, get over it. ;) March 1: a day of Pushing Daisies and relaxation. March 2: Survived my first day back at work after a long weekend. March 3: quality conversation at family night. March 4: Fell in love with my hair today, wow, that was pretty gay. March 5: Had a great night with the roommate. Home and Garden Show, liquor store, and dinner in Newport! March 6: Felt really productive today with some cleaning and organizing. March 7: Today I found the strength to not let the crazy out. March 8: Mexican night with the roommate and Matthew! March 9: Dinner with the boys and a quiet night at home. March 10: Was offered a new job!! March 11: I accepted the new job offer! March 12: Had a good drive back to my parents house and quality bonding time with them. March 13: Attended a benefit for some dear friends of mine and raised a great deal of money for them in their time of need. March 14: A day with the parents and then a drive home, always happy to visit, but always ...