Freedom comes from Confinement

So today I had the thrill of passing my state license exam for insurance sales, life, health, annuities and Medicare supplements. I'm kind of excited, and yet I'm still nervous, I'm just hoping I can make some money on this deal, it would be nice to quit Wendy's and really enjoy life again. So what's with the title you ask? Here's the deal. I finally have some really great friends, I'm having some really great times and enjoying myself after work, it's nice, it's what I've been looking for...so far so good right? Well today as I chucked my stack of mail onto the counter and looked through it, I suddenly realized that I'm so done with this. I'm done fighting every day, I'm done worrying about the same old crap everyday. I hate to get the mail and cringe because the Ohio Department of Taxation has sent me another statement of some sort, I'm tired of calling and fighting with the Bureau of Workman's comp about employees I let go...

I PASSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I PASSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I PASSED THE STATE LICENSE EXAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! more later. :D

Well it's official, as of 4pm today I'm no longer the custodian at the annex!!! that's right, I have one less job now!!! Woot! I had asked them to start looking for a replacement so I could be done by the end of the summer and the first person they called jumped on it, so I'm no longer needed!!! Woot!!!! Oh how great it feels to get my weekends back!!!!!!! Now I can get away on Saturday nights!!!!! Yeah!!!!! yeah, I thought you'd be excited too.

When is it o.k to throw in the towel? When is o.k to know you've had enough? When is o.k. to move on and not feel like a failure? When is o.k. to move on unsure of the future, but hopeful again? I ask these questions because today was one of those days I ask myself these questions. One of the days when I end up banging my head against the wall wondering why I'm doing this? Who am I doing this for and why I thought this was a good idea? I've been contemplating calling it quits, just admitting defeat and moving on with my life. Just admit failure and move forward with what I can while I can. I've spent nearly three years praying for signs, praying for advice and praying for guidance, has it been there the whole time and I just didn't pay enough attention? Or am I reading too much into things? When I decided to go after the dream of owning my own business, to work for myself, I did my research, I listened to advice, it takes a good three years before you'll see s...

Oh there have been so many things I've wanted to say, so many things I've wanted to blog, but I doubt I'll remember them all. I found a new blog I've been enjoying lately called Picture Perfect. I was attracted to this blog because he's a closeted gay man trying to find his way out of the closet....hmmmm....sounds familiar. The blog is great and wonderful and all that jazz and I enjoy reading it, but when I started to stalk his favorite blogs he has listed I was reminded of one thing. The vanity and superficial side of the gay life. I am in shock just how many of these guys are so judgemental towards people that don't look like they belong in a magazine. It's no wonder the gay world is so messed up. I have had body issues my whole life and the idea of meeting more gay people just freaks me out now. It seems the whole world judeges you the minute they meet you based on the size of the person, or how they dress etc... I know it's a fact of life, but i...

Alright, for those who haven't heard I took test one of two and passed. I'd like to say it was with flying colors, but let's face it, it wasn't. But I passed with a little bit to spare. :) I'll take what I can get. I have scheduled the final test, the big one....the state license test. I will know before I get home how I did. I'm not going to reveal the date of the next test as I don't really need any added pressure, so I'll let you know when I'm done. :) It's soon, so this will probably be my only blog between now and then. I'm hoping by the end of the summer to be down to just the store and insurance, but with today's economy I'm not sure, but it's one more thing to add to my list of qualifications. :) It's been a pretty nightmarious life (it's a new word) all I've been doing is working and studying. Now that's not completely true, I have also found a day or two to go out and have a good time, but not many....

I have great potential going on right now in my professional life, so I need to take a break from blogging. Not that I blog all that much (yes, I heard you), but I need to take the concentration out of the internet life and put my all into this new venture. In a couple of weeks if I pass the test, my life can return to normal, lets hope. It's probably not the best time to blog anyway as I've been drowning in lonliness lately and it's been absorbing my thoughts, so if I did blog it would be redundant and depressing. I'll save it for later. :) later.

No it won't be really exciting and I'm not really going anywhere. I just wanted to let everyone know I'm going to be going into hiding for a bit, as long as I can keep away from the blogs......it won't be easy. I just took my first quiz in my online course and did HORRIBLY!!! I'm ashamed at how I misread the most simple questions and screw up in such stupid ways. I need to kick myself in the ass and get my act together. So I'll be going on a hiatis from blogging, or being a regualar checker of my web accounts, at least for another two weeks. I need to buckle down and give this more energy than I did for a lot of my classes in college. Pray for me, wish for me, and think of me. I'll be back, hopefully feeling smarter. :) Hey, miracles can happen. Miss you all!!