Freedom comes from Confinement

Everyday I fight a battle within myself, one of many really, but that's another post. I fight this battle of these two lives I've been living for so many years trying to become one, but having no idea how to. It's getting better that's for sure, but there is still this line. There is one side of me that was secret, only a few ever saw inside, the B-side to me if you will. It's the side that has a terribly crude sense of humor, my mind in the gutter all the time. It's a side that went out and tried to be social, it's the fun side. It's the side that wanted to go to the bar at 11 at night, the side that got my heart beating when we walked into the club on Tuesday nights and left our cares behind. It's a side that felt like life coursing through my veins as I danced (yes that's what I call it) to the beat, surrounded by people without a care in the world. The side that feels alive in a club, feeling the music filling my soul, the...

Well the previous posts you may have seen in your reader were mobile posts that obviously didn't work. It was worth a shot at least, but at least now I know, mobile posting doesn't work. I did find under the settings tab though I could maximize layout settings for mobile users, which I did, and totally make the blog so much easier to read and manuver around in from my phone. At least one good thing came out of that. lol. Todays post begins with a story. I was around the age of 6, give or take a year and my birthday was coming up. I begged and begged my parents for a party at McDonalds, it was the in thing to do. We rarely had extra money for things like that but for some reason that year my parents caved, as long as I understood that the party was going to have to be my present that year. The other catch was I could only invite 7 other kids. I was so super excited and knew right away what 7 I would invite, they were my friends in school. You know back then when friendshi...

I was not looking forward to the weekend at all. I took a night off of work so I could get to Nap early and feel rested for the day. My friends M and T got to town a day early as well. After I got back to town and visited with the parental units M text me and said they were having dinner with an old friend and said afterwards they would be at Ron's and wanted me to come over. It was the thing I had been dreading the most. I tried to go to the house the weekend before when Norm had died but I couldn't bring myself to get out of the car, it was late anyway and Ron was in bed I found out so it was for the best. When I got to the house my stomach was turning, my heart was beating and my emotions were on the surface, but I forced myself to go into the house. I rang the bell and walked in which is customary in that house, the bell is to let them know someone is here but they were always in the basement or on the patio next to the pond on the basement level. I entered like I nor...

I have not been very good with posting, I'm not very disciplined like some other people I know. I did not do good things for May, and doesn't look like June either. Not that there were not wonderful things that happened in both months, I just lacked the motivation and/or time to keep up with them, so you'll have to forgive me. I have so many posts in my head or started on my phone I want to get through, but we'll start today with a basic catch up process. Wow, well let me see....There really isn't all that much to catch up on, but we'll see what I can do. First we'll get the bad stuff off the list. In a matter of two months I lost 1 great uncle, 1 great aunt, 2 dear friends from back home, my unofficial mentor at church back home, and an ex uncle. I didn't really have much emotion over the last one, I didn't wish death upon him, but we broke those ties many, many years ago. I include him in the list for the law of threes, it evens it out and tha...

Norman Paul Lanzer , 65, died peacefully on Saturday, June 4, 2011 at his residence. He was born May 4, 1946 to the late Emil & Ruth (Shilling) Lanzer . Norm worked at Foster Canning for 36 years. He was a lifelong member of St. Paul Lutheran Church. He was an avid scuba diver, photographer, music lover, and gardener, who was proud of his Calla Lilies He is survived by his life partner of 27 years, Ron Kuchcinski , sisters; Jean (Robert) Schlueter of Punta Gorda , Florida and Carolyn (David) Sides of Ft. Myers, Florida. He was also preceded in death by an infant brother, Donald Ray Lanzer . A celebration of life service will be held at 3:30 p.m. on Friday, June 10, 2011 at Rodenberger Funeral Home with Pastor Jeff Schlueter officiating. Friends may call from 3 p.m. till the time of service on Friday. Dear Norm, It pained me to read this, such a short synopsis of a man with so much life, I realize there aren't enough words to describe you, I just wish we coul...