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Toxins

Hows does a person rid themselves of toxic people? People who are not good for you, people who hold you back or keep you down, or just not treat you very good. How do I walk away? Why do I care? How do I get myself not to care anymore? I guess I just hate being made the asshole when there is no reason to be. There really is no redeeming value to this friendship, or lack there of, they don't hold me up and somehow managed to make me feel worse for standing up for myself and turned this all back into somehow my fault. If they completely miss the point, are these people I need to even bother with? People I should be spending my time with? What does that say to my real friends? The people that really do care, the people that do hold me up, the people that support me and the people that love me. What does my spending time on this unhealthy friendship say to them? That somehow these people are more worth my time than they are? Everyone else has been able to write it off and move on...
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Confidence.

I think I've titled a post by this name before but to be honest I'm too lazy to go and look it up. lol. I've dealt a lot with confidence as of late and it's been one hell of a struggle I must say. My whole life I've lacked confidence and the older I get the more I realize how much of a difference confidence can make in my every day life. The shoes I think that are so awesome that I don't buy because I tell myself I couldn't pull the look off. The hair style I don't try because I tell myself people like me don't get daring with their looks, they blend in and don't stand out. If you stand out people might want to talk to you, or possibly even talk about you. I've lived my life so far in these dark corners, trying desperately to blend in with the carpet, or the wall paper, or whatever I could to not be noticed. I believe it takes confidence to walk into a room full of people you don't know, even if you know one person, just walking into...
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The contradiction of change

I love change, don't get me wrong. I enjoy moving furniture a lot, I enjoy breaking out of ruts, I enjoy moving (well not the actual moving part), I enjoy so much about change. The new scenery, the new people, the new everything. I get so lost in the euporhia of the change it isn't until I'm knee deep into it that I realize just how terrifying it is. When I first decided to move to Michigan, I had my mind set, there was just not stopping me. I wanted to go back to school, and I just kept pushing forward without even thinking of it too much. Day after day, decision after decision I just kept moving forward. It wasn't until I had moved my stuff and my parents had gone away and I was driving around trying to find different things in the are when I completly fell apart and wondered what in the hell I thought I was doing. I remember sitting in my car balling because I had no idea what I was doing, I didn't know anyone, I didn't know where anything was, I knew ...
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