Thursday, July 28, 2011

Survey Time! Grab a seat, it's a long one!

Birthday: April 26

Where were you born: Bowling Green, Ohio

Zodiac sign: I am grandfathered into the Taurus sign

Height: 6'-1"

Weight: Less than I was, more than I want to be.

Hair color: dark brown, sometimes lighter brown, depends on how much time I spend in the sun.

Eye color: Blue

Shoe size: 12 wide

Ring size: Which finger? I range from 8 to 13, just depends on what finger I'm shopping for.

Skin type (freckles, tan, albino, etc.): farmers tan, well light side of tan. lol.

Blood type: Hard to believe, but I have NO idea. I know it's probably not a good thing, but I figure if they need to know they will test it.

College: I went to University of Toledo for two years and then took a year off and ended up graduating from Lawrence Technological University

GPA: 3.25 at graduation.

siblings: 1 older brother and 1 younger sister.

tattoos: I'm still searching for the right one, and the right location.

piercings: always wanted my ear cartilage pierced but probably won't ever do it.

hobbies: I don't allow myself too many hobbies, I have some I don't do a lot like stained glass, or playing around with design. I spend most of my time recently working on self teaching lots of home improvement skills and working to improve them.

favorites
color: I love the color blue, but have recently been having a secret love affair with orange. Don't tell blue.

food: I love many types, I find it hard to pick just one. Mexican is pretty high on the list and so is Asian/Thai.

candy: eh, I can usually take it or leave it. I don't have a favorite, 5 years of selling candy and I got pretty tired of it.

type of cheese: Cheese is my favorite cheese, cheddar, mozzarella, pepper-jack, Havarti, smoked Gouda, etc. I love cheese.

pizza topping: sausage and onion

salad dressing: French/ Catalina

sandwich: Turkey and whatever I'm feeling like at the moment, sometimes it's just cheese and turkey, sometimes there are pepper slices, sometimes veggies, etc.

cereal: I miss cereal, Cinnamon Toast Crunch or Reeses P.B. cup.

fruit: I love honey dew, but don't eat much fruit because of acid reflux

vegetable: I love so many of them, asparagus, zucchini, squash, etc. I wish I enjoyed them this much when I was younger!

berry: strawberries are the only berries I enjoy, the rest can rot.

cake: carrot cake or spice cake in reverse order

book: I've got a few but don't really keep track of titles or authors, I own them and never let them go. lol. I did LOVE the Left Behind Series.

movie: Back to the Future Trilogy, Transformers, Scary Movies, and the list could seriously go on and on and on.

magazine: Home improvement or home design magazines, there are many.

newspaper: Do they still print newspapers?

tv show: There are so many that have been taken off the air, Desperate Housewives, Biggest Loser, and back when I had cable: House Hunters, Income Property, Real Housewives of New York/ New Jersey/ Atlanta.

website: facebook, blogger, Amazon, google ( I google nearly everything)

radio station: Still searching for some I enjoy, right now 102fm

font: whatever I'm feeling for the moment, or whatever is already set up.

cartoon character: Brian from Family Guy

artist (painter): Salvador Dahli

actor: Tom Hanks, Jim Carey, and many more.

actress: Queen Latiffa, and several others who names are escaping me at the moment

cd: what is this C.D. you speak of? Why not just ask what LP is my favorite! Currently Lady Gaga's newest album. Yes you music snobs, roll your eyes because I don't care.

song: "Runaway Train" by Soul Assylum, "What About Me" by Moving Pictures, etc.

Music group: Whoever floats my boat on any given day, Currently Maroon 5 is floating my boat.

music type: anything but gansta rap

day of the week: Depends on what day I have off. lol.

month: April, because of my birthday and because that's when Spring really starts to grab hold.

season: Spring I love it when things come to life and the bleakness of winter finally fades away.

holiday: Christmas although the last several years I have had a hard time really getting into it, I'm going to really try this year though.

shampoo: Either Head and Shoulders or the generic equivalent. Anything else and my head is buggin something awful.

conditioner: Can't use it, bad reactions to every conditioner that has touched my hair.

number: 7, I don't know why, just because.

phrase: Don't Dig too deep, you might get burnt by the molten lava!

store: Target

weather: between 70 and 85.

restaurant: BD's Mongolian Bar B Que, Tea Tree.

channel: HGTV

teacher: of all time? Patricia Wray or Gordon Bugbee

weekend activity: Wow, it's making me feel pretty sad, I work on the house. lol.

hangout: the patio

house color: depends on the house, the neighborhood, the year, etc.

sport to watch: Live? any. T.V.? none.

sport to play: I miss kick ball. lol.

animal: Giraffe, they intrigue me.

flower: I don't have a favorite, I'm not into flowers at all.

guy's name: Devin

girl's name: Dehlila

board game: Game of Life

party game: Spin the bottle! Wait, what? lol. Beer Pong is always fun.

story from childhood: Frog and Toad stories

body part: on me? wow, getting kind of personal aren't you?


have you ever

been on a train: yes from Ohio to New Jersey and back, it wasn't all pleasant, I was sick the entire ride home.

been on a plane: yes, I love flying!

been in a car accident: a couple of them, one or two as the driver and one as the passenger.

caused a car accident: according to the insurance company? Yes, according to the law? No. It's a long story. lol.

run into a wall: of course, who hasn't?

burned a potato chip: yes, with a lighter because I was bored.

almost burned the house down: define "almost" could it be defined as "could have"? If so then yes.

smoked: yes. A part of me wants to quit and the rest of me doesn't.

been drunk: who me? Never! I also never use sarcasm.

been high: I guess you could call it that, it wasn't anything that appealed to me.

broken the law: which law, are we talking about a specific law? If we are talking in general, then yes, a few of them.

burned a cd: maybe once or twice, who's asking?

kissed someone of the opposite sex: yes

kissed someone of the same sex: yes

frenched an animal: um, what? Who says yes to this? Ew.

made out: once or twice. :)

had cyber sex: Do you really want to know? It was the nineties, everyone was doing it.

gotten engaged: no thank goodness it ended before it came to that.

had an online relationship: kind of, not really, eh, not sure. lol.

been rejected by a crush: yes, all of them so far.

loved: yes, both romantically and in friendship

made yourself cry to get out of trouble: um no, not at all.

cried in public: yes, but it was a funeral

cried over a movie: yes, I'll admit it, a few of them actually.

fallen asleep in a movie theater: yes, several times, I've taken some pretty expensive naps in my day.

given someone a bath: no, can't say that I have.

been to a boarding school: Nope, although I'm sure my parents wanted to at times. lol.

been home-schooled: I was schooled at home about a lot of things.

lost a valuable item: yes, why have you see it? Where is it? Why are you keeping it from me? WHY!!!

bungee jumped: Someday. there are weight restrictions.

skied: water? no, snow? no. lol. Guess it doesn't make a difference, it doesn't really appeal to me either.

met the president: no, wouldn't care to anyway.

met a celebrity: met? no, came face to face with? yes.

gotten a cavity: yes, several and a root canal too, oh and need a second one on the same tooth!

shopped at abercrombie & fitch: nope, but I've gone in to drool over the help though.

made a prank call: oh yes, a few of them actually, that was before caller I.D.

skipped school: maybe, who's asking? lol. Once or twice my senior year.

faked sick to get out of school: oh yeah, from elementary school through high school.

purchased something that you knew didn't fit: no, why would I spend money on something that wouldn't fit?

climbed a tree: those were the days, I don't think I can anymore, but I used to climb with the best of them.

fallen from a tree: nope, not even once. A roof? that's a different story.

broken a bone: my toe, but it was undiagnosed so I can't say for sure.

sprained anything: my brain doing this survey!

passed out: um, not that I can recall. lol. Of course I have heard some stories, so maybe? I just thought I was really tired. :)

made yourself pass out: no, not sure how I would do that exactly.

been to disney world: yes, it was a great trip filled with lots of high school drama.

been to a theme park (not disney): oh yes, I love them.

said i love you and meant it (not to a relative): yes, but not in the way the other party was hoping.

made a model volcano (working model): a few times a year I clean out my bathroom drain using the supplies of a model volcano. It's a lot of fun.

made a clover leaf with your tongue: Um, how does one do that? With a tongue that talented I might need a number........just sayin.


past
what did you do yesterday: I worked from midnight to 8am, then worked on the rewiring the kitchen from 8:30am-6pm, then I made a sandwich, plotted out the next day's work and was in bed asleep by 9pm. Passed.out.cold.

memory you miss the most: fun Friday mornings with Free going who knows where doing who knows what. Sometimes it was a coffee shop in Toledo, sometimes it was the bar, I just really miss those times.

memory you want to forget: about 40% of high school would cover this.

something you regretted after it was done: my last relationship, I actually regretted it from day one, but at the same time it was that relationship that led to some pretty big psychological steps, so maybe I shouldn't regret it.

the last
song you heard: Misery - Maroon 5

cd you bought: Worship CD from church

thing you said: Stop crying Gertrude, I'm right in front of you.

time you cried: a couple of days ago when I watched the Lost finale again. I can't believe I admitted to that.

movie seen in a theater: Transformers 3

thing you ate: A Rolo McFlurry from McDonalds. Don't look at me like that, I worked hard today.

person who called: My roommate

nail polish shade worn: fuscia, I like it no matter what you say.

time you showered: what day is this?

person who complimented you: My roommate, she's always saying nice things, eventually she'll figure it out. lol.

what are you listening to: Spiderman

what are you wearing: nothing but a smile..........................and a pair of shorts and a t-shirt.

what are you thinking: that I bit off more than I could chew with this survey, this is my third time working on it. lol.

what are you scared of most: failing

how many people are on your buddy list: What's a "buddy list"? Is it one of those chat things? I don't use them, too much drama and stress. I used to use g-chat and sometimes still will, it's a chat program but the people I talk to don't stress me out.


future
occupation: I don't really know, I like to be the boss, just not my own. Something that makes me a comfortable living and something I can enjoy. I'm not asking for much huh?

marriage site: If it's ever legal, I would love to get married on the beach somewhere tropical.

honeymoon: an island somewhere

place to live: I'm happy wherever there is water, a river, a lake, an ocean, whatever.

kids: no thanks, I'd rather spoil the children of friends.

car: I'm really digging my CRV right now. Not into flashy cars.

what are you doing tomorrow: removing a ceiling fan, taking down some trim and a few other minor things, then going back to bed because I work at 9pm tomorrow night.

do you think Obama will be reelected? I doubt it, but I say that with the hope that the Republican party will get it's head out of it's a#$ and come up with a candidate worth voting for.

will there be a wwIII: without a doubt, I just hope it's not in my life time, but it will happen eventually, the hate people carry around with them so much will eventually boil over and bad things will happen world wide.

will politics ever be truthful: have they ever been?

will humanity snuff itself out: I don't believe so. it will probably snuff a lot of people out, but not the entirety. God will do that when he comes back.

can the gov. be changed: yes but it requires the masses to start thinking for themselves and fending for themselves and taking person responsibility, then the revolution can begin against them.

friends
best friend: This is a slippery slope I do not chance so I will make this answer....You :)

funniest: You

silliest: oh, that would totally be you.

loudest: You again! You are on a roll!

quietest: you, in certain situations at least! lol.

craziest: Once again, I would have to go with you.

calmest: On calm days I would say you, otherwise I'd have to say not you.

skinniest: You!! :)

best secret keeper: you

worst secret keeper: They wouldn't be reading this blog at this point now would they? :)

the one you have but don't want: That's so not you, if I didn't want you, I wouldn't have you. Who "has" people anyway? Are we all just property? I don't remember there being a bar code on my butt.....................if you know me at all, you'll realize I'm ending this here because it's down hill from here.

smartest: That would totally be you!......except why are you still reading this? I might have to take this title away from you.



seriously, you're still reading.........

preppiest: I like to picture all my friends as the preps at Bayside, it makes me giggle inside.

most hyper: You know there is one in every group and if you look at your group and don't see someone that fits, then it's probably you..............but only when I've been drinking.....and exposed to Techno music.

hottest: You are smokin!!!

weirdest: Sorry, I may have to take the title in my own group of friends here, although there is that thing that you do, you know when you...............................gross, you get to keep this title too.

biggest pervert: me. I can out perv anyone, anytime. I will perv you under the table..........wait, I totally can't go on with this...........................This is why I can't give this title away.

most annoying: annoying and friends don't belong in the same sentence, let alone the same category. If you're annoying (and sober) I am so unfriending you on facebook.

shyest: you are.......when you want to be.


do you believe in
heaven: Yes, I heard they don't have check books there, it sounds.....well......heavenly! Wait, I also had a Polka band tell me that "In Heaven, there is no beer, that's why we drink it here" Hmmm, it doesn't mention vodka, I should be good. ;) (I promise I'm joking, don't make me take those previous titles away from you!)

hell: It's called high school, oh and I guess it's also an unholy place. Why wouldn't I want to spend an eternity with my Creator?

angels: Yes, but probably not quite like depicted in art and such.

devil: My old boss? No, even he had some redeeming qualities, not many, but some.

God: yes, and I capitalized it too because I studied "gods" in mythology, but I believe in God.

buddha: eh, why not? Why can't there be more than one answer? Who says they aren't just different versions of the same answer? Who says they can't all be a part of it?

aliens: I prefer to live in blissful ignorance on this subject.......unless there is a good movie about them.

ghosts: kind of, I have heard lots of good and bad theories on this subject. I think they are out there, but I'm not sure in what capacity and why, I just know my grandfather was there that day, I couldn't see him, but I felt him and no one can convince me otherwise.

spirit (soul): Yes, I believe everyone has a soul, have you never seen Dead Like Me? Sheesh, it was on t.v. it has to be real.......right?

soulmates: yes, I believe there are soulmates, I don't believe they always meet and fall in love, but I do believe there are soulmates for all of us.

reincarnation: In my PERSONAL beliefs I think sometimes it's offered as an option after death.

love at first sight: Yes, but it's not always the romantic love, there is friendship love at first sight too.

karma: no, sometimes I say I do, but really people are just looking to point the finger at something else for a bad situation.

love in general: yes, I hope someday I get the opportunity to feel it romantically for another person. I love my family, I love my friends and if that's all I ever get? Well I'm o.k. with that because there is no lacking happening there.

luck: luck is what you make it. Sometimes, Sh#$ just happens.

yourself: rarely. No matter what the situation I usually think I'm wrong, but I'm getting better at this, really I am, I'm learning to advocate for myself, it's so awkwardly amazing.


crush
who and when was your first crush: Honestly? His name was Scott, I'm not sure I would ever remember his last name, I mean really it was like in third grade and it was the last year he lived in Nappy. I didn't realize it at the time what those feelings were, but I know now.

any now: non realistic, and I think lust has more to do with it than anything.

a celebrity crush: Ryan Reynolds - oh yeah Genia! I've also been crushing really badly on Adam Levine from Maroon 5 lately.

who do you want to be with right now: What do you mean? Like watching a movie? Playing a board game? Drinking? In bed? Having dinner? Solving complicated math equations? You should be a little more specific.

whos number do you want: number? Is this about that bar code thing again? Oh, did you mean a "phone" number? I don't really use them all that much, message me on Facebook all sexy like instead.

who do you want to kiss: I'm not all that picky, let the form line to the left while I get some chap stick. :)

what is something you don't understand about the opposite sex: How can you seriously lose so much stuff in that purse of yours? It's only so big, how much crap do you keep in there that you can't find your keys? Or your wallet? Or your camera? Or your sandwich? (you do keep sandwiches in there right?) The only person that could have an excuse would be Marry Poppins, or Hermine from Harry Potter, but you know, they always seemed to know exactly where the hat stands and magical swords were at. Hmm.......

if you could go on a date with anybody, who would it be: I'm not picky, that line can form on the right, the only requirements is that you should be smart and be able to form complete sentences and not be chewing gum or







Did you get that? If you didn't please don't get in that line on the right, you would never understand ANY of my jokes.


on scale of one to ten, how romantic are you: ummmm...........8, now the question is: Is your standard one to ten as one is the best? or is ten the best? Guess you'd have to be in that line on the right to find out in my case. :)


first thing noticed about the opposite sex: their cute boyfriends. lol.
about the same sex? (at least in my case): it would depend, are they facing me? Or am I stalking them from the bushes outside their house? In the second case I guess I would still have to know if they are facing me. Alright, all kidding (yeah, totally kidding) aside I would say the face, it's kind of general but it all creates an impression, the eyes, the mouth, the nose, and more importantly the facial expressions. If they have a blank glazed over look on their face they go to the line on the left, NOT the right.

what do you look for personality-wise: if we "get" each other.

biggest turn on: confidence

biggest turn off: It's a three way tie (how dirty of me), 1.bad hygiene, 2. chewing with your mouth open, 3.being rude to others

something they wear that turns you on: a shirt to show off some broad strong shoulders.

something they wear that turns you off: clothes that don't fit, too small or too baggy.

the most romantic thing you want to happen to you: being whisked away to a tropical vacation by surprise.

the most romantic thing that has happened to you: I feel a little sad that I don't have an answer for this one, It's not to say there weren't romantic moments in my life, just honestly, nothing stands out to me. In my first relationship she didn't know enough about me no matter how much we talked or how long we knew each other, she just never really "got" me. The second one understood me more but was not a very romantic person, but she tried her own way, she just always ended up being pushy about it or sometimes was just down right offensive.

what do you wear on a coffee date: jeans and a casual button up shirt

is it right to flirt if you're taken: I hope so I flirt all the time, at least that's the way people perceive it. It has led to some pretty awkward situations and conversations.

is cyber sex cheating: totally and flirting can be too if the intentions are wrong.

are eyes the passegeway to the soul: For some people yes. You can tell a lot about a person by looking into their eyes, not in a creepy way, but ........ I don't know how to finish this one.

do you want to hug somebody right now: I could always use more hugs.

do you know what an aphrodisiac is: yes but it's all a state of mind, go ahead, prove me wrong.


one or the other
coke/pepsi: pepsi

sprite/7-up: 7-up, but prefer neither

boxers/briefs: I can't choose just one, in fact if I had written this survey there would be more options that just the usual "boxers or briefs" please, do you realize just how many styles of underwear are out there? I can tell you that the person who wrote this survey wears either plain white Hanes briefs or standard white boxers, perhaps they get crazy and buy a pair of colored underwear every few years, but doesn't really give any thought into this choice. Whoever wrote this is very uneducated in the world of underwear, yes I said an entire world.

gold/silver: silver all the way, I treat gold like I treat brass, and that is not good.

vanilla/chocolate: vanillla!

flowers/candy: candy, not a fan of flowers.

book/magazine: I guess if I had to choose I would have to say books.

tv/radio: depends on what's on either one. Sometimes t.v. sometimes radio.

glass half empty/half full: I like to think half full, but somedays I'm too busy trying to find the glass to begin with! lol.

democrat/republican: depends, are we going by the original definitions when the parties were created, or the definitions of the idiots today? I consider myself an "Old school republican" I'm not sure who those people are today and why they keep using our good name.

colored pencils/markers: depends, am I coloring something that requires shading? Blending? I mean I'm just not good with general questions.

coffee/tea: coffee, oh how I love thee.

sun/moon: I like them both.

day/night: I like these both as well.

hot/cold: food? hot, drinks? cold, weather? in between.

dog/cat: cat

button/zipper: depends on what we are putting them on, pants? zipper for most, but sometimes those button flies are sexy on the right person.

cotton/feather pillow: cotton, feather pillows are always stabbing me.

blue/purple: blue

plumber/trashman: uh, what? I can't answer this without knowing what about these two things am I considering?

jeans/shorts: I love shorts but feel more grown up in jeans.........I totally know that didn't make sense to the rest of you.

long distance relationship/none: long distance rarely ever works out.

mechanical/regular pencil: mechanical, I love me some mechanical pencil!

matt/ben: I'm confused once again, I mean can you post pictures at least?

that 70's show/simpsons: simpsons, it gets on my nerves less.

kelso/eric: I like the nerdiness Eric has going for him.

donna/jackie: Donna, she's a no nonsense kind of gal.

bart/lisa: I find lisa pretentious (I'm talking about cartoon characters, I mean really?)

romeo/juliet: they kill them selves in the end (sorry, should have said spoiler alert) there is no preference here.

romantic comedy/thriller: depends on my mood and the thriller.

nsync/bsb: whichever boys are cuter at the time.

peanut butter/jelly: if I have to choose one totally peanut butter

waffles/pancakes: they are both good, it would depend on my mood, oh and the chef.

letter/email: I miss letters, but email is so much easier for me since I type letters anyway.

florida/california: have never been to California so I can't say for sure.

pizza/burgers: can't choose, depends on what I feel like.

hat/visor: hat

football/rugby: rugby guys are cuter and don't annoy me as much as most football players.

iceskating/blading: I prefer to stay upright on my feet with less chances of cutting an artery if I fall.

movie at home/in theater: I love a good movie in a theater but prefer the cheapness of watching it at home.

first thing you think of when you hear

yellow: submarine

red lipstick: sleezy

socks: fuzzy

cowtipping: how did I get back here?

moulin rouge: over rated

greenland: Do people ever go there?

iceland: blocked a card for fraud happening there once.

harry potter: was surprisingly good, totally unexpected

red: nose

blackberry: no thanks berry

rose: Golden Girls

rooster: co*k. sorry but I know at least one person that reads this that would think the same thing......you know who you are.

taxes: necessary evil.

bill clinton: over rated

whipped cream: (you don't want me to type about my first thought to this, trust me.)

george w. bush: underrated, slightly, but underrated.

lollipops: haircuts, go ahead figure that one out.

dreams: ambition

love: unconditional

guys: sexy

south park: over 4 seasons ago.

boy bands: usually cute boys.

penguins: love, I heart penguins.

girls: ew.

thong: The Thong song!

death: awful

spoons: NOT IN MY BACK YARD UTENSILS. GO BACK TO CHINA!

junk mail: that's all mail.

dairy: stomach ache, but sooo good.

panties: ew.

your father: amazing

pizza: yes please.

britney spears: who?

vitamin: C, I don't know why.


are you
happy: when I break it down and average it out, carry the two...............carry the one...........I would say yes with a remainder of oh yeah.

sad: at times for different reasons, if it wasn't for the sadness we couldn't appreciate the happiness.

religious: It's a work in progress.

bitchy: I try not to be, but sometimes it slips.

crazy: I would like a comparison at this point but I'm pretty sure it would be a yes, and I like it that way.

messy: sometimes, I can't lie.

mad: more than I show sometimes.

slacker: sometimes

nerd: compared to?

bookworm: no, not even a little.

jock: no

preppy: maybe in my head

selfish: more than I admit to myself sometimes.

giving: usually

obsessive: no........really I'm not. Why would you say I'm obsessive, what is it that has led you to believe this? You don't believe it do you? You keep shaking your head but I'm not believing it, you're just doing that to get me to shut up.

violent: I'm a lover not a fighter baby.

calm: in most situations

I'm still not obsessive........just so you know.

peaceful: mostly

mellow: a little less than I think.

eccentric: everyone should be once in awhile.

Seriously, did someone say something about me being obsessive? I swear you do this just to make me look obsessive, which I totally am not.

caring: most of the time, as long as you aren't bugging me.

untrustworthy: I think I'm pretty trust worthy.

loyal: yeah I could agree with this one.

patriotic: yeah, I do love this country even if we can't seem to find anyone to run it right (this is all branches of the government)

perverted: who me? o.k. yes, me. TOTALLY!! I just sometimes keep it inside my head. :)

colorful: I guess, depends on who you compare me too.

artistic: in most forms I find myself artistic, even if I can't produce it myself I can appreciate it.


miscellanoues

what color is your jacket: I have a couple in the closet that I haven't seen in many months, I don't remember anymore.

do you shave: not as often as I should, but yes

where: face........that's all I'm answering, I promise.

Was it something I did to you personally that makes you think I'm obsessive? I mean if I did just tell me, it won't bother me at all, I promise, I like to learn from things like that because I don't want you to get the wrong idea about me.

what color is your razor: silver and black

what size is your bed: full, I want a king.............size bed you silly goose.

what color crayon would you be: burnt ciena.

feelings on abortion: too complicated, I talk myself into a contradiction eventually, then my eyes go cross I lose feelings in my feet and collapse, it's not pretty, it's fun, but not pretty.

how lond does it take you to shower: 5 mintues tops.

thoughts on blonde pop stars in general: I don't think about blondes any differently than any other hair color.......are you trying to insinuate that I'm obsessive over hair color? I mean really, can't I get through ten questions without you bringing that up again? It's starting to piss me off.

who do you trust the most: if you have the web address to this blog, it would be you.

is cussing a necessity in life: f#*k no it's not. sorry I couldn't resist. :)

how about coffee: yes, if all the coffee plants were to die tomorrow I'm pretty sure I would throw myself off of the tallest building in Cincinnati. (dramatic much?)

is the world screwed: no, there is always hope. We are just doomed to keep repeating the mistakes of the past because no one can admit they were mistakes.

what is something you cant live without: you

know what 69 means: it's an exit on 75 in Auburn Hills called Beaver Dam.............and no, I'm totally not joking.

how about 143: I guess I have no idea, normally I would cheat and google it, but I'm too lazy tonight.

I'm sorry about telling you that you are pissing me off, you really aren't, I just couldn't end it like that, I just really want you to know how NOT obsessive I am. I don't obsess about anything, not one single thing. Why are you rolling your eyes at that? Seriously, not a single thing do I obsess about, not one.

can you live without a microwave: I suppose I would adapt until I finally broke down and moved next to a nuclear power plant and just set my food outside on my window ledge for 30-45 seconds.

what do think about death: it's scary and filled with unknowns. I can't fight it but I can continue to hate it.

where and when do you want to be married: someplace tropical and when I find the right man, oh and when they make it legal in those tropical locations.

why is the sky blue: because my dad says so, at least that's the answer I used to get.

what is a good trait about yourself: I'm fun! (and totally not obsessive about anything.......seriously)

what do you always think about: at any given moment there are a random 25 things running around in my head that I can not concentrate on long enough to deal with and get over because one thought leads to another and to another and before I know it I'm thinking about what it would be like to be a penguin driving a car in Las Vegas. It's strange I know.......butt totally not obsessive.......what? just saying.

how do you react to change: oh, good question. Sometimes I handle it really well and get excited about it. Other times I curl up into a fetal position long enough to get build up the strength to take out entire cities. It's hit or miss with me. :)

do you talk to yourself: yes, I talk to myself all the time, but I NEVER answer myself......the voices do that for me. :)

what is your opinion on love: some people just don't appreciate it and aren't willing to put the work into it. Love will fade at times and some people just give up on it, or they misinterpret it a lot too. Sometimes love is friendship with another person and it can not handle the romantic aspects that are expected when people hear the word "love"

what is your reaction to someone telling you you're hot: if that ever happened in a serious situation I would totally get their number because that's once in a life time baby and they have to be just as crazy as I am. Don't question it, just go with it.

if you wrote a book, what would it be about: obsession and how I am not affected by it, not one little bit. Other than that it would probably be fiction I don't seem to find anything about my life interesting enough to write about it......that's why I posts surveys on my blog..............lol.

longest crush lasted how long: I have crushes still from several years ago, some never really go away.

O.k. so now that the bloody survey is over we need to have a serious "coming to Jesus" meeting about this obsession thing. You have been obsessed about it since the original question and you are making me crazy to make it seem like "I" have the problem with obsession when in fact it is YOU that has the problem, I mean seriously have you ever just looked in a mirror and seen yourself how others see you? Here, I'll go through this survey a second time and pin point the areas to show that you are obsessed, seriously, just sit there a minutes, I'll prove it to you.......brb.



you still there?






just checking....







um, so I went through it a second time and I think it might be best if we never speak of the subject again.......o.k.? Great. Love you!

in a non obsessive way.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Cleveland

I have posted about my last amazing trip to Cleveland last year and what an amazing experience it was and when I went earlier this month, it was no different. I did have the added bonus of having my roommate with me who made the trip go by so fast! It has been so long since I went on a road trip with anyone but myself I forgot how fun they can be!

I had a couple people comment about how they couldn't understand how anyone could get so excited about visiting Cleveland, and to be honest if it was just the town I might agree to a certain degree, but it's the people I know and love in Cleveland that make it such an amazing place. There are few places in this world where I feel I can really just be myself and that is one of those places. It's this amazing mix bag of feelings of love, understanding, compassion, acceptance, caring and the list goes on. People who hugs are filled with hope and love, conversations that are filled with caring and excitement.

There are just amazing people there that I look forward to seeing everytime I get to go to the area, an amazing group of people who make me laugh, who make me feel good about myself and make me feel like part of a group. People that when looking from the outside in seem like strangers, but never feel like strangers from inside the group. People that make me feel like I'm home even though I don't live there, people that greet me like family although we had only met a few times. Great friends that came about by crazy circumstances that I wouldn't believe if I hadn't lived through them.

These people make me so happy, happy like I feel when I'm with the rest of my dearest oldest friends which are really few and far between but it makes them all the more treasured. I enjoyed our casual trip, and it didn't take me long to already miss them all. I have grown to hope that someday I can form a group like that where ever I am to build them into my already amazing daily life and add them to an already all star cast of friends I have surrounded myself with.

Have I gushed enough yet? Probably. lol.

There was a point in the trip when I was able to sneak away and go visit my cousins who also live in the area, I hadn't been able to visit with them much for a couple of years and it was amazing to see them again and made me wish I had more time to visit. We had only been able to see each other for 10 minutes here and there at family gatherings, most of the gatherings only one of us made it to so we were always missing each other. I grew with my cousin and was one of my best friends, only a year apart, our birthdays a day apart, we did everything together and I have missed him so. He's a grown man now with a fancy job, an amazing wife and some really great kids and as I sat there visiting it just felt like a huge distance between us, one that really doesn't exist anywhere but in my head.

He treats me the same as he always did, we laugh and joke and talk like we always have and minute by minute I was trying to close the distance in my head, but the more I thought about it on the way home the more I think until I come out to him I will always have that distance in my head. He made a comment the last time I visited him a couple of years back that has always stuck with me about how he's not sure he could ever deal with one of his sons if they were gay. It was born out of a silly conversation but I've been carrying it around with me ever since. Since then I've been very guarded and protected with my conversations avoiding the subject all together afraid of what would actually happen. Someone once told me he might change his outlook once he found out that someone he loves so much was gay the whole time, but I have a hard time trusting that.

Oh those darn trust issues again. When I'm ready and we have a better time to sit and talk, I'll tell him whatever the outcome may be. I don't know when, but I know if I don't tell him, this distance I'm creating in my mind is only going to push us further and further away and I don't want that. I would love to add him to the list of amazing people of Cleveland because is so many ways he's already there, I think the hardest part will be letting him in and giving him the chance to be who I know he already is.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

The past and feelings

The other weekend when my parents were in town my mother told me that my ex-girlfriend had a baby and was having it baptized at our church. She was pretty taken back when I told her how awesome I thought that was. I'm not sure if she thought I would be sad or a little angry or even the slightest bit upset, but I totally wasn't.

I wanted to tell my mother that I was happy for her because I know she always wanted a child of her own and was worried that she was going to be to old to ever have one. I wanted to tell her I was happy for her because I never could have given her anything she wanted for 2 very basic reasons. 1. I was gay and had no interest in dragging her into a life of confusion, it wouldn't be fair to her. and 2. We never would have worked anyway, we made some o.k friends but she just would have never made a good wife for me, we wanted different things and had totally different views on relationships. I had to do what I did to break up with her because any other way wouldn't have worked. The only way she could have moved on was to hate me, I knew that and that's why it went down so badly, she needed to hate me to get the motivation to move on. I always thought that someday I would tell her the truth about me, but the more I think about it the more I realize it's best I'm not a part of her life in any form. Someday when I'm out, I'm sure news will travel, but until then it's best to stay out of it.

I think sometimes that things would be so much easier to explain once I am out of the closet. I'm sure there will be so many other things to talk about, but when it happens I think my family might understand me and my past choices a little better, in time. But then again I could be completely wrong.

I'm glad things happened the way they did, both of my exes were/are wonderful people and I would have never forgiven myself if I had pulled them into the illusion and gave them false hope for a future only to destroy them later on in life, it was so much better to cut the ties when they were short and let them go and live the life they deserve, and at the same time allowing me the freedom to be who I am and not live in the illusion either.

I wish G and her husband, their new baby and her nephew M who she's raising all the happiness and joy the world can give and show them.

Monday, July 25, 2011

Lost and exhausted

There are many days where I stop and wonder what I am doing, what change I am in the process of and where is it leading? I wonder if I am on the right path, if I'm making good and healthy choices, and where this path is headed.

There are days I get so overwhelmed by the little things, by the day to day living that I lose sight of the bigger picture. Days where I let anger, bitterness or even envy dictate my decisions.

Some days I withhold love and affection just to see what happens. Times I withdraw from society just to see if anyone notices. There are times I get angry about things that don't matter, things I feel aren't fair and angry at who I am.

I worry about the past even though it is just that, the past. I worry about the future and if I am strong enough to handle it, or am willing to accept the joy it holds.

Sometimes I let all of this distract me from the present and the wonders, the joy and the gifts that are right in front of me.

Monday, July 18, 2011

Somedays

Some days I'm blind sided by confidence and the feeling of self worth. It's funny because there are so many people out there that get blind sided by the opposite, but no one said I was normal.

There are days where nothing in the world can stop me, that I believe what I say matters to someone and that people come to me because they love me and enjoy being in a relationship with me. There are days that I feel I can accomplish anything, that I can be successful and that I really am worth whatever it is.

It feels good, those days. Do you want to hear something really fun? They happen more often now than they used to. They stay longer when they happen, and it feels better every single time.

I wonder sometimes where they come from, sometimes I can feel them come from being shown or being told I'm loved for who I am, sometimes it's from accomplishments, and sometimes it's just because I get tired of putting myself down.

I am applying for a new position at work, a promotion, because it feels right, it feels good and I believe in myself enough to at least try. There are a few things against me, but not enough for me to think I don't have at least a chance. What harm can come from at least trying? It's a strange feeling to talk myself up on a cover letter and actually believe in what I type. It feels good.

Who is this guy? I sure like him.

I owe a post on my trip to Cleveland and it's coming, I promise. :)