Friday, June 27, 2008

Timing, what is that?

So today I had the thrill of passing my state license exam for insurance sales, life, health, annuities and Medicare supplements. I'm kind of excited, and yet I'm still nervous, I'm just hoping I can make some money on this deal, it would be nice to quit Wendy's and really enjoy life again.

So what's with the title you ask? Here's the deal. I finally have some really great friends, I'm having some really great times and enjoying myself after work, it's nice, it's what I've been looking for...so far so good right? Well today as I chucked my stack of mail onto the counter and looked through it, I suddenly realized that I'm so done with this. I'm done fighting every day, I'm done worrying about the same old crap everyday. I hate to get the mail and cringe because the Ohio Department of Taxation has sent me another statement of some sort, I'm tired of calling and fighting with the Bureau of Workman's comp about employees I let go of nearly two years ago. I just can't take this anymore. I hate no knowing if I can afford the unlock the doors everyday, I hate that I have part of my parents retirement fund tied up in this money pit, I hate that my mother lays awake at night worried about me, I hate that I'm starting to not sleep well either.

I'm just done, I can't fight it anymore. Everywhere I go for answers say the same thing, spend spend spend. "You have to spend money in order to make money" How is this possible when there is no more money left? Where does it come from? I could ask the bank for more money, but then I have another payment, and if I'm already having problems making the payments on what I have, is it wise to borrow more? I see my extended family and am saddened because most of them don't even support me, my friend's who were "so close" to me, don't even come here for anything. I'm just disappointed, I'm sad and frustrated.

I've been battling with this situation for sometime now, what do I do? Where will I go? I'd like to find an architecture job in the area (not immediate area) and just sell the business and keep the building. I have a house and income if I were to rent it all out. I also think it would be easier to sell the business without the property, but I'm never sure. So today I was looking around for jobs, and you know what? There are non. What will I do if I sell the building AND the business. I know I could move back to my parents temporarily while I figure out where to go next, but that wouldn't last very long. I have a feeling we would ware on each other's nerves WAY to quickly. I'm not opposed to moving, but I figured out I LOVE the country side, where ever I end up I want it to be out in the open, out in a field, somewhere that I can see the sky, I want it peaceful at night, I want it to be still at night. I want to wake up and look out my kitchen window and think, "living here I'm the luckies son of a gun out there"

3 years of constant struggle, 3 years of being broker than I ever could have imagined possible, 3 years of screaming obnoxious children, 3 years of mouthy punks, 3 years of no sleep, 3 years getting a building back up to standards. I just think I'm too tired to continue, I think it's run it's course. There really is great potential here, but I don't have the capital to finish building it, to do the advertising and the time to get the things done to make it more successful.

It could be just because I haven't left here for more than a few hours at a time in almost four months!I think I found the point where it's o.k to throw in the towel. I couldn't believe it, but 3 carryouts in the area have sold in the last year, some really pricey with gas pumps and others not so much. But am I strong enough to get through and hold on until the sale? I have to sit down this weekend sometime and calculate exactly what I need out of this place to pay off the bills, I'll start with that.

I think the next step is just to call a commercial real estate agent I'm comfortable with and start looking at the possibilities. I'm also planning on leaving town a few different weekends in the next month or so to find my head again and think it over clearly away from here and see what I come up with. Who knows, it may be the two zanes I took today, or the lack of sleep over the last 3 years talking, I just have to figure out a way to get through it all. It just seems like at every turn someone is punching me and forcing me back and I'm not sure I'm strong enough to take it anymore. This town is something else, that's all I can say.

There are some customers that would really be upset, and I will miss them terribly, and I hate to blame it on them, they support me, some support me every day, some once a week, etc... But some just drive by over and over and over again and just think..."oh it's so nice that the little store is still open" and yet have never stepped inside, have never supported me in anyway, and those are the people that will not understand when the doors close.

How can a convenience store make it on this little? It can't. This place is bleeding me dry so fast I'm not sure I can take it! I've already filed bankruptsy once for this place, if I do it again in 5 years I'll let them take everything, I won't fight it again.

On a happier note while my car is quickly dying on me, I may have found a small truck with a good price, I need to check it out a little more but I could sell my car for enough to pay cash for this thing, which would be nice. :) I could finally have the truck I've always wanted and something I can drive without getting terribly nervous. Even trips to Toledo are getting dangerous in my car, it's just time to let it go. Maybe it's just time to let it all go and start over again. I've done it once, I can do it again.

Sorry this has a depressing side to it, I wanted to type a happy blog about passing the exam, even though I was 98% sure I was going to have to schedule a retake of the exam, it's one of the hardest things I've ever come across. No matter how hard I studied, the questions were like non I had ever seen before, but I guess I don't give myself enough credit, because why? Oh yeah, BECAUSE I PASSED!!!! Oh yeah, Bowchickawowow!! Woot! It is an accomplishment, no matter what I may say. ;)

Well I'm just getting too tired to keep typing, so I'll stop it here.
Thanks for all the support while I've been going through the licensing exam!!! You guys are the best!!!

News!!!

I PASSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I PASSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I PASSED THE STATE LICENSE EXAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



more later. :D

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

The weight has been lifted!!

Well it's official, as of 4pm today I'm no longer the custodian at the annex!!! that's right, I have one less job now!!! Woot!

I had asked them to start looking for a replacement so I could be done by the end of the summer and the first person they called jumped on it, so I'm no longer needed!!! Woot!!!!

Oh how great it feels to get my weekends back!!!!!!! Now I can get away on Saturday nights!!!!!

Yeah!!!!!

yeah, I thought you'd be excited too.

Monday, June 23, 2008

When is it o.k.?

When is it o.k to throw in the towel?

When is o.k to know you've had enough?

When is o.k. to move on and not feel like a failure?

When is o.k. to move on unsure of the future, but hopeful again?

I ask these questions because today was one of those days I ask myself these questions. One of the days when I end up banging my head against the wall wondering why I'm doing this? Who am I doing this for and why I thought this was a good idea?

I've been contemplating calling it quits, just admitting defeat and moving on with my life. Just admit failure and move forward with what I can while I can.

I've spent nearly three years praying for signs, praying for advice and praying for guidance, has it been there the whole time and I just didn't pay enough attention? Or am I reading too much into things?

When I decided to go after the dream of owning my own business, to work for myself, I did my research, I listened to advice, it takes a good three years before you'll see signs of survival. Well as I close in on three years there is nothing there, signs of future problems and a continuation of the struggles from the last three years. Signs of constant problems, constant issues and constant pain. When is it that it's o.k to give it up? Will I feel like a failure if I do? Will I disappoint those that love me if I just finally concede to these feelings?

And the question I've come up with as of late....What happens to the life I've created? What happens to the people I've met? What happens to the feelings I've discovered? What happens to the life I enjoy? Will it follow me to the next venture? Will the things I've learned help me to pave the future? Will I be happy? Will I just be throwing away a dream? I'm so unsure of myself, so unsure of the future. The minute I get an idea in my head I bash it with passion, I put up road blocks, is this on purpose or are they road blocks I'm finally seeing? What if the road is a dead end?

I'm just not sure where to turn, where to run or where to hide at this point. I know that my family will support me no matter which way I turn, but will they be disappointed? Would they tell me if they were? Would I regret running later on?

Each day is another adventure. I think about the pros and cons of this life everyday, and come to no conclusion when I'm done thinking. Why am I here? What was the purpose of this? I have met people that will affect me for the rest of my life and I would hate to lose them, but where do I draw the line between them and me? Where does my living life for them and living life for me start and end? Where will I go, what will I do? Why didn't this work out? Will it work out?

I wonder, did I give it my all? Am I not yet done here? Is this really where I'm supposed to be? I think about so much and yet nothing at all.....and people wonder why I need medication! ;)

I spent hours tonight praying about what to do next, for some grand sign, like a red phone on my desk that will ring with the next direction, or answers to some of these questions, and yet nothing. Am I missing the signs? Am I missing the memo of what to do next? Or are my unanswered prayers an answer in themselves? Are they not being answered because there aren't answers yet? Should I be holding out and waiting some more?

I don't doubt God's existence. I don't doubt he's looking after me, but is my faith not strong enough? If I was a better christian would I hear the answers? Would I see the magical finger pointing me in the direction I should be going?

I really don't think I've asked this many questions in one blog before, but this is what is happening in my mind today. I spend hours considering my options and when a good one comes along the doubts and other factors come rushing into my head at the same time, and I find myself shutting down, or reaching for alcohol to make the thoughts just go away. I tried that tonight, but knew very early on it was not the escape I need, not the answer I'm looking for. I didn't stop partaking in adult beverages, but I reminded myself that no matter how drunk I got I wouldn't be better in the morning, so I took it easy, I relaxed and lived in the moment and didn't get smashed, I'm not plowed, I'm good. I'm learning. I'm growing.

But is this where I'm supposed to grow? I wish I could remember the day I decided to leave Michigan, to start over again and build a new life. I wish I could remember what was the driving decision to bring me to this point. I know that it was right, that I needed to do this to get over the past, but was this all this was?

I've gone bankrupt for this dream, it's dragged me down so far into physical and mental exhaustion that I'm never sure I'll recover. When do I say I'm done and not feel like I've failed myself, like I'm not just running when the going gets tough.

I look back over the past and realize that it always seems to be the three year mark when I get restless, I get tired, and I get fed up. Is this just me running again? Has it ever been running?

A blog of questions....how thrilling right?

Saturday, June 21, 2008

It's been awhile.

Oh there have been so many things I've wanted to say, so many things I've wanted to blog, but I doubt I'll remember them all.

I found a new blog I've been enjoying lately called Picture Perfect. I was attracted to this blog because he's a closeted gay man trying to find his way out of the closet....hmmmm....sounds familiar. The blog is great and wonderful and all that jazz and I enjoy reading it, but when I started to stalk his favorite blogs he has listed I was reminded of one thing. The vanity and superficial side of the gay life.

I am in shock just how many of these guys are so judgemental towards people that don't look like they belong in a magazine. It's no wonder the gay world is so messed up. I have had body issues my whole life and the idea of meeting more gay people just freaks me out now. It seems the whole world judeges you the minute they meet you based on the size of the person, or how they dress etc... I know it's a fact of life, but it just gets worse. Where are the guys like me? The guys who find comfortable hot? As much as I admire a fit athletic man, or a swimmers build body, I don't judge based on that. I do stare don't get me wrong, but what's hotter is a man with meat on his bones. Some of the hottest men I've met have issues with their body, society tells them they are fat and they believe it. I just laugh, I call them medium sized hotties. There is skinny and built, and there are the medium sized guys and then there is me. I would love to be filled with confidence walking into a room with a tight body, but I know realistically I'll never get there.

I would however like to be one of these medium sized hotties, someday. But once you get past the looks no matter what you look for, it's what's inside that counts, and how do you get through the judgement to really find out who's inside? How do I get people to see past this exterior and see me for who I am? I'm just not sure. But the vanity is just unreal in that world. Someone who is fat is not always lazy, Someone who is fat does not always have food by their side. There are many of us out there that just have slow metabalisms and weight issues. I can not eat a double cheese burger, I can never finish it. I can not clear a buffet, I get full to quickly. Then why is I look like this? Yeah, I don't know either. I'm fit under this fat, I weigh so much because there is a lot of muscle underneath, I just wish someone would see that or I could find the motivation and the way to lose the fat and show the world!

But oh well, gay men will always be into looks, it's just the way it is. I just wished they knew what a turn off that was.

Lets see what else? O.K. so lately I've been swimming a lot late at night, I find it peaceful. The three of you (I think three) that know me and read this have read me write about this before, but what I didn't mention on the "public" blog is that I finally have been able to skinny dip. It sounds so bad and so weird and those that know me probably don't ever want to picture it, but it's not for a sense of sensuality, it's just an amazing feeling. Since as long as I can remember I've swam with a shirt on, protecting people from the amounts of blubber on this body, protecting their vision of me, and I'm used to it and all, but really, it's not all that comfortable. Finally being secluded into the country side allows me to shed the shirt and swim, it feels wonderful. There is something about being so exposed in nature that is humbling. Nothing to hide under, nothing to cover up with, being exposed for who you are.

I feel like that in life a lot, I find all sorts of things to hide under and keep myself from being exposed. To keep people from seeing me, just me. I know I do that for a ton of reasons, more than I could list on this site, but lately it's been liberating to shed some of this and let people see. I'm not saying I'm going streaking with my friends by any means! But to finally expose some of what's underneath, to allow people to see in, without protection, without a cover, it's been liberating. I find it hard from time to time to not talk about certain things with the people around here that I can talk about with some of the few people that know I'm gay. I find it frustrating all over again, and just when I think I've had enough of the hiding, something always comes to mind, a situation I can forsee, or a reaction I could imagine happening, and I get scared and run back into the closet.

The last month or so I've been partying a bit with a drag queen, he would hate it if he knew I was labeling him as that instead of "Diva". LOL. He's so much fun and has so much confidence. When S introduced us I was just flabergasted that in the small tiny judgemental redneck city we were in he could be out, open and confident. I'm always drawn to self confidence, it's just a thing with me. He's a ton of fun, but for the longest time I didn't even think he enjoyed my company, it wasn't until recently when he told J he was upset I wouldn't be joining them to see his show that I realized that he did care. Not like that, because he's very superficial when it comes to his men, but as a friend. I suffer from such low self esteem issues I can't even see when people befriend me, I find it sad really.

I really did want to go to his show, partly to see him all dressed up and performing because he's a freakin riot, but also because they were going to the "big" city an hour from here to a real gay bar and I thought it would be so much fun to go to one finally. But sadly his show was on the night I had family obligations I could never back out of. Turns out it was a pretty crummy night, but someday I'm gonna go. From what I've seen online it looks like the place is filled with every walk of life and I miss that. As much as these farm boys can be fun to look at, they get boring with their talk of tractors and crops and such. lol.

What I find so fascinating through this whole discovery is finally getting S to open up about the life he keeps so quiet and inside. I've spent the last four years trying to get him to open up and talk about it with someone, to let someone else in that isn't going to judge him and support him even if he doesn't understand it. I love the guy, not like that, but like a best friend or a brother. He's been struggling with his sexuality for as long as I have I think and we never talked about it unless we were drunk and he would begin telling me tales of his weekends when he would disappear. I just dig deeper trying to understand him more, I'm the only one that doesn't look shocked or treat him like he should be ashamed, I treat it like a couple of straight boys would treat a girl situation, and I think it's helping him. He's talking more and more about stuff, even when we're sober. I think it helps I don't make obvious comments about that part of his life in front of people he wouldn't want to know, unlike some of the other people we know.

What he said to me the other day I want to find out more about, but will have to wait for the right time.... "I could never be in a relationship with another man, but a boy's got to have his fun" I find that so strange. I wonder if it really is that, or that he could never publicly share a relationship with another man because of his upbringing and what he thinks his family would think. I mean he did live with another man for a few months, that was a few years ago, but he did. I'm not sure if it's because of the outcome of the last two relationships he's had which both have ended badly, or if he really doesn't see it. I know the first one ended because R wanted a relationship but S wanted it to stay quiet. It was an interesting time for all of us in the know.

I see myself in a relationship with a man, it seems more of a comfortable thought for me, the trick is finding the right one.

Oh what else......I have been having a very interesting conversation with G regarding penisology and telling her things that she's finding very interesting. It's just such a different conversation than I've ever had before, but I think it's things that women should know, and she's taking it all in. We have each started conversations just beyond our realm of comfort, but it always turns out educational and creates another layer of comfort in our friendship, another layer of comfort when it comes to discussing things we might not have ever talked about before, it's good, and ALWAYS humorous. :) Hey G, wanna ball park? LOL!!!!

Well there were a couple of other things to add, but after I typed them they didn't seem to say much, so I deleted them. I think this is all for today.

I'll get back to blogging more soon.

One Down

Alright, for those who haven't heard I took test one of two and passed. I'd like to say it was with flying colors, but let's face it, it wasn't. But I passed with a little bit to spare. :) I'll take what I can get.

I have scheduled the final test, the big one....the state license test. I will know before I get home how I did. I'm not going to reveal the date of the next test as I don't really need any added pressure, so I'll let you know when I'm done. :) It's soon, so this will probably be my only blog between now and then. I'm hoping by the end of the summer to be down to just the store and insurance, but with today's economy I'm not sure, but it's one more thing to add to my list of qualifications. :)

It's been a pretty nightmarious life (it's a new word) all I've been doing is working and studying. Now that's not completely true, I have also found a day or two to go out and have a good time, but not many. I have been so tired from staying up and studying, or doing things for the store, or just not being able to sleep well I'm just going crazy! I really need a break, a vacation from all of this. I have come close many times in the last couple of weeks of just not opening up and see if anyone would even notice. Graduation time was good for me, but now it's back to normal, well not even normal. Somehow I'm down from last year, somehow I've lost business, I'm still baffled by this, as last year I didn't have as good of stuff and not as much of it. I'm just not sure where to turn with this place anymore. I've talked to a couple of realtors about options and such, but no one has a good defined answer for me. I promised myself I wouldn't make that kind of decision until I was able to think clearly about it. What would I do afterwards? I guess I just don't know, and frankly I'm tired of thinking about it all.

I need a week off, shoot I'd settle for a day off. I have the opportunity for an inexpensive week's vacation with some friends, and I've actually considered closing the store, but I really don't think the store would survive taking a week of sales out of it, so I doubt that that is going to be happening, but it was a great thought. As soon as my cousin is back from vacation she's going to be coming in 4 hours a week for me so I can get paperwork done, or balance the check book, or cook, or clean the house, or go to dinner, or just take a nap. I think it's going to be fantastic. I'll get spoiled and then in the fall she'll leave for college and I'll be back to the same old stuff. Crazy isn't it?

So last Friday our family finally did the Relay for Life. I was a nervous wreck about it, after everything that has been said and everything everyone has done or not done for this even I just had a feeling it was going to be a Jerry Springer night of fighting and bickering, and you know what? For the most part none of that happened. I had planned on closing the store for the event, but I had so many orders going out those two days I just couldn't manage it. I had scheduled myself to walk 4 hours that night for our team, I didn't realize at the time that 1) I would have to be going back and forth to various jobs and the store to get things done in between time and 2) just how much walking that is! I was whooped by the second hour.

It really was a great event, but after the first hour I had to come back here and do a very large cheese tray, then it was back to the event. I was there and walked the second hour and then had to run and clean, then uptown for supplies, then back to the store to make 2 large veggie trays and dip. I had asked my brother to walk for me since I wouldn't get back in time for my third hour which he did. So I figured I'd sit down for a few minutes before heading back to the event. Did I mention that I was running on 1.5 hours of sleep from the night before? yeah that's a story in itself. So I sat down and woke up at 9am just in time to open the store back up. I had slept through my final hour of walking, which no one expected me to show up for, so it was covered already and they hadn't even told me. I guess I'm pretty easy to see through. :)

I missed the closing ceremony, but I did catch the luminary ceremony, well most of it, at 11pm. It was the most amazing thing I've seen. The entire track was lit only by the candlelight of the luminaries that were purchased in honor or in memory of cancer patients. Then throughout the hour they were reading all of the names in our county of the people that had passed away and then the people that have survived. I really don't think there was a dry eye on the property, it was moving and amazing and so worth the time. I guess watching my aunt walk the 2 survivor laps was pretty emotional, but I had to be here at the store so I didn't get to see those. The whole thing was pretty moving and I'm glad we took part in it.

I must say though, I learned those people are very strange and unrealistic and some were down right rude. Now mind you it was not everyone over there, but there were a few campsites that I was warning friends to stay away from. The one lady made an 8 year old cry, I was there the whole time and it was awful. He had a mere $10 to last him the night and she didn't want to give him change, and didn't want to give him the pizza until he put the ten into the bucket as his donation. I told her that $10 for a slice of pizza was a bit unrealistic and she told me in a very snotty tone that this was about giving. I just looked at her with this dumbfounded look on my face, told her to keep the pizza and told the kid I'd take him to the other pizza stand where they were nicer. I didn't even turn around to see the look on her face. Then another stand a friend of mine went to buy books at their used book sale. Now keep in mind that the books were priced like a garage sale, she picked out a few and gave the guy a twenty. He took the bill and put in the bucket and told her to have a nice day. She was instantly upset. She brought to his attention that the books came to $1.50 and he didn't even offer to make change for her and he was pissed. She stood over him and made him count the change back to her and then she told him she'd go and donate it to another site that would appreciate it a little more.

I just never stop being baffled by these people, not "these" people as in the people at relay, because they really were a minority in the situation, most of the people were the most wonderful people I could have come into contact with! But rude people in general. The audacity these people show, their cockiness, and their inability to give a shit about anyone else's feelings. Maybe this is why people are now calling me the grumpy grocer (yes TB it's really true). I fight rudeness in my store with the same amount they dish out. If they want to be rude to me I don't go out of my way for them. Same thing at Wendy's, if you want to be rude to my crew and myself and treat us like we're freakin idiots, I'm not smiling to you, I'm not being kind to you, I won't even treat you fully like you treat us, but I'm not doing anything special for you. No I won't repeat your order at the window, and yes I'm going to charge you for the extra cheese sauce, and no I will not separate sour patch kids by color for you, and no I will not use three bags for 1/2# of meat and cheese. Don't expect people to back over backwards for you when you treat them like shit!

Did I mention I need a vacation? Somewhere I can go without customers, without the general public would be fantastic!!! And people wonder why there are days I don't want to leave the confines of my house. I've had days already where all I do for hours is scream about stupid and rude people, everywhere I look they appear to me. You know, truck drivers are not allowed to drive over X amount of hours legally, I think it should be the same for customer service (I think I've discussed this before). There are days I want to rip people apart and scream at them, and other days I just want to lay in the corner of my bedroom in the fetal position hoping that when I get up that the world will be different. I just don't see things getting better.

Is it that I'm getting up there in years? Has it always been like this and I just didn't realize because I didn't care enough? I was raised to treat people with kindness and respect, and that no job was too good for someone. You didn't throw trash on the ground if there was a grounds keeper, you didn't clean up after yourself in a restaurant just because there was a bus boy, there was no reason I couldn't do the same things I did at home. Yes they will clear your plates, but do I really need to drop half my meal on the floor and not pick it up? Is it too much to take my napkin and wipe up the water ring from my glass? I just don't get it. Even on the phone, I've been known to be a bit rude, but I know my limits, if it's not the person's fault that I'm talking to, I make sure I tell them, I realize this isn't your fault, or I realize it isn't your problem, but will you help me, or find me someone that can help me or answer questions? It's when the people on the phone get pissy and rude with me that I unleash on them.

Hmmmm......anyone else think I need anger management classes? ;)

So anyway that's not really where I wanted this to go, but it's how it happens.

So in the past few weeks since it's gotten warm I have found a new past time to calm me down after a bad night at Wendy's. A friend of mine has a pond a few miles out of town and told me I could use it anytime I wanted, morning, noon or night. I laughed and told him I'd be out there after work at wendy's every night, and he was cool with it. So now after a rough night I drive out there and have been swimming, it's been the most fantastic thing I could imagine. It's dark, it's peaceful and the stars are shining and there is no one around. I usually spend about 20-30 minutes either swimming, or floating, or sometimes just laying out on the dock drying off and staring at the stars and talking with God. It's just so calming. I need to move to the country. There is just nothing like it, a few around here laughed at me when I told them, but one night a few of us went out and took a dip late at night and they all agreed it's just so peaceful and beautiful! It's doing wonders helping me to relax before bed. When I used to get home from work I'd be up for another two hours trying to get it all out of my system, or trying to forget about it, but now I can come home and go straight to bed, it's just so amazing. I love the water.

Oh lets see what else has been happening......I'm getting central air in my store!! We finally have acquired all the major components needed, now a few electrical connections, gas connections and duct work and my store will have a new heating a colling unit! Much more efficient and finally, my coolers will run like they should in the summer!! No longer will I be sweating at the register in 98 degree heat! I think it could help with summer sales after word gets out, it will be nice. ;) I can hardly wait.

ummm......lets see.....off hand I can't think of much of anything else. Anyone want to talk about life insurance and annuities? I'm well versed now. :) How about accident and health insurance? no? it's really not as dull as I thought, once you get the basic concepts I find it pretty fascinating and realized how under insured and unprepared I am! I have a few insurance details to work out after I get through my test with my own insurance to make sure the store and the people I leave it too will have the money to pay the bills until they decide what to do with it. I also need to have the will done and make it official. It's strange to think about making a will and making plans in the event of your own death, it's strangely comforting. It makes me feel better having something worth leaving behind to someone. Let them have the headaches.LOL!!!!!

Well anyway I've probably rambled on enough for now, I think I'll stop this now and make notes of anything that comes along the way until my next blog, which should be after my test, then I can get back to a normal life. :) Whatever that may be.

later!

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

I'm taking a break

I have great potential going on right now in my professional life, so I need to take a break from blogging. Not that I blog all that much (yes, I heard you), but I need to take the concentration out of the internet life and put my all into this new venture.

In a couple of weeks if I pass the test, my life can return to normal, lets hope.

It's probably not the best time to blog anyway as I've been drowning in lonliness lately and it's been absorbing my thoughts, so if I did blog it would be redundant and depressing. I'll save it for later. :)

later.

taking a working vacation

No it won't be really exciting and I'm not really going anywhere. I just wanted to let everyone know I'm going to be going into hiding for a bit, as long as I can keep away from the blogs......it won't be easy.

I just took my first quiz in my online course and did HORRIBLY!!! I'm ashamed at how I misread the most simple questions and screw up in such stupid ways. I need to kick myself in the ass and get my act together.

So I'll be going on a hiatis from blogging, or being a regualar checker of my web accounts, at least for another two weeks. I need to buckle down and give this more energy than I did for a lot of my classes in college.

Pray for me, wish for me, and think of me. I'll be back, hopefully feeling smarter. :) Hey, miracles can happen.

Miss you all!!